On Mar 9, 10:53�am, Tony wrote:
G'morning.

I just joined this group looking for some advice. My ex-wife & I have
joint custody of my teenage daughter who just turned 18 this past
week. Sometime last fall, she broke curfew at my place & I punished
her accordingly. Now she's broken curfew at her mom's. My ex-wife
wants to punish my daughter & wishes that I 'match' the same
punishment at my place. Basically, to be on the same page. I disagree.
I don't have as many problems with my daughter as does my ex-wife.

Advice?

Well, at my house when I was 18, it didn't matter that I was old
enough to make my own decisions, as I was supposed to be old enough to
understand that walking in at 3 a.m. was also disruptive to the other
members of the household, so respecting that fact was also a part of
learning responsibility and respect for others. If I wound up spending
the night with a friend, so be it, as long as my parents knew it was
an unplanned possibility ("i.e. Hey mom, I might spend the night at
Cindi's," so they didn't worry their heads off that I had been left
for dead in a ditch. At my house, 100% freedom to do as I pleased only
came when I got my first apartment at almost 19. The two of you need
to work out the plan of attack on the issue though and be on the same
page. This will only come with open communication and in coming to an
agreement. Why does your wife feel a curfew is still necessary? Her
having two homes, one that doesn't enforce the punishment handed out
in the other, only enforces her in breaking the rules at the other,
and thereby disrespecting that parent. Afterall, she gets out of the
punishment at the other place, so a two-week punishment may only wind
up being one week based on where she is when. Maybe your ex is in the
"know" on a few fronts that dad's don't always get to know - ya know,
the daddy's little girl scenario.