"Dagny" wrote in message
...
I believe the proper response is to send a brief note along these lines:

"Congratulations on the upcoming marriage of your daughter [if RSVPing to
bride's parents]. We are deeply honored to be invited. I wish I could
come, but am not able to leave my five-month-old son with a sitter during
the reception because he is exclusively breastfed per our pediatrician's
recommendation and will not take bottles. The celebrants are very
important to me, and please let them know that I would not miss their
wedding for the world except for this. Please accept my deep regrets.
KD"

Since this was mentioned, and we're in a similar situation of our children
not being allowed to attend my cousin's wedding (yet the bride's families
that include children will be there) what would be an appropriate reply?
Our replies are done via email or phone. We're obviously expected to be
there, but we're not sure if we'll be able to make it, as since our kids
aren't welcome, it's all now depending on if MIL can watch the kids that
day, and she won't know until about 2 weeks before as she does school bus
charters over the summer and won't know if she has a charter to do or not
until closer to the date.
Is there any point in replying in advance with a maybe and explaining that
it depends on if we have childcare or not?

If you are particularly close to one of the celebrants, it is OK to tell
them by phone why you are not coming, but it is important to state it as a
sad response and not as a request for an exception. The request is
implied in giving the reason; but stating it as a response allows the
parties to save face if they do not want to make an exception. Wedding
plans can be stressful, and you never know what force of nature in the
couple's lives is behind the no-babies rule. It's best to just go along
with it. It's supposed to be the couple's day, and so rarely is, so an
invitee's needs are best left low on the radar.

If they are able, they will respond for you to by all means bring your
son.

For the kind of money you're talking about, you could also consider flying
them out to see you for a long weekend a month or two after the honeymoon
as a special treat.

HTH,
Dagny