"Vickie" wrote in message
oups.com...
On Jun 1, 10:24 am, Jeff wrote:

I think what is going on here is that the girl is testing your daughter.
She is scared that your daughter will back away or stop acting like
her friend. Considering all the stuff she has had to put up with, I
don't blame her. So, basically, she is acting normally for 9-year old
girl who has had a lot of relationship problems with her mom, her dad
and kids at school. You would too if you had all the issues she does.

It's not your job or your daughter's job to provide counseling for
another person's daughter. That is essentially what she is asking you to
do.

Part of me is saying that the girl will be in big trouble if someone
doesn't step in and help her. Obviously, the mother is not doing it. You
might be the only one who will be able to help.

Part of me is saying that if you get more involved, you'll only set up
yourself and your daughter for more heartache. And you probably won't
make a difference.

I think I would make a two-part plan. I would call child protective
services or what state or local agency protects kids, and fill them in.
They may be able to step in and help. It's their job, not yours.
Whatever, happens, end of part 1.

And I would get a backbone and say that you're not going to let girl see
your daughter until the girl and her sister (and maybe the mother, too)
get into counseling.

If that happens, I would be expecting a lot of acting out when she gets
to your home. She is going to test her welcome very much. However, once
she knows that she is truly welcome, she may stop acting out so much and
have much better behavior.

Whether you want to cave in and the girl see your daughter if she
doesn't get counseling is up to you to decide later.

These are just my thoughts.

Jeff- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -

I appreciate your thoughts.

Gosh, calling child protective services. I don't know. I almost want
to just pay myself for the girl to go to a therapist, but I don't
think I am strong enough to handle a whole set of someone else's
problems along with my own family dynamic.




Child Protective Services is, indeed, a very scary prospect. Very scary.
That said... man knifes mom blood everywhere and 9yo has to phone 911.
Someone *else* might do something. But then again, maybe they won't.
Counseling over this one event is necessary, to be sure.

I know calling CPS is hard. I have done it. As a child care provider, I am a
mandatory reporter. I can share my experience in case it helps you to decide
what you need to do. This is how it worked at my state. Don't know if yours
is the same. They may take your name. They had to take my name, in my case.
I don't know if that is always the case. They do NOT tell the other party
who made the report. In my case, I fessed up. The Mom would have been able
to figure it out anyway. So details of your story may give a clue to the
Mom. They ask you what you heard, saw and whatnot. They do not ask you for
your judgments. Very only the facts Maam. Very professional.




You really think calling would be ok?


Your only decision is to report or not report what you know. THEIR decision
is whether or not children need intervention. That can be reassuring. In my
opinion, reporting would be better than Ok. If knives are being placed into
other human beings bodies in that household, then she is in imminent danger.
What would happen, for instance, if she were to try to intervene with her
Mom's assault next time?


I really don't think the mom
has the mind or money to help her children. She has told me she is on
a waiting list to get counseling, but it was only in regards to her,
not the kids.

I agree with you about what the little girl is projecting, which is
why I tried to hang in as long as I could. It was when it started to
effect my own daughter, who has some issues of her own, that I
couldn't deal anymore.

Do you have experience with this service?

Vickie


Good luck, Vickie. This sounds truely awful.