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Old September 2nd 07, 07:14 PM posted to misc.kids.moderated
Dawn
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Posts: 10
Default troublesome teenager

On Aug 26, 11:57?pm, Paula wrote:
if you are have no
problem personally with his wanting to wear feminine clothes but are
only worried about him being teased or bulllied, why not buy him the
stuff that he wants but have a talk with him about how kids at school
might react to it and ask if he wants to get more mainstream clothes
for school while allowing him to wear whatever he wants at home. In
the end, even if he wants to wear them at school, it seems to me that
it should be his choice. You want to protect him, but if he chooses
support ahead of protection, give him the support.


I think Paula's right on target. And good for you, Louise, for being
supportive thus far.

If he's been rifling through your things in secret, maybe you can
gently let him know that if he wants to experiment with your things
it's fine, but he should respect your privacy and ask first. Let him
know he can totally be himself at home and that you will follow his
lead in terms of how he much of this he is ready/willing to share
outside the privacy of home.

Our son like to do hair. For now he is convinced (and hey, we live in
a socially conservative part of the south so he's probably right) that
he would be teased for his interest in female hairstyles if his
friends knew. So, at home he experments with styling heads we
purchase for him, and all of that stuff is kept in a plastic tub in a
closet where visiting friends don't see it. As he's gotten a little
older he has let some female friends know that he knows how to braid,
for example, and is quite popular with them as a hair stylist, but
that is his choice. This past summer he sort of interned at my
hairstylist's salon, which is in a neighboring town so he's unlikely
to run into mothers of his friends there.

We've been clear that we think there is nothing at all to be ashamed
of but that we respect his concerns about teasing. Seems to me you
have a little of the reverse -- you are more concerned than your son
about teasing -- but nonetheless I can tell you that by following our
son's lead we have maintained our relationship with him, allowed him
to be himself in private, and kept him from experiencing any teasing
at school.

I realize hairstyling doesn't exactly equal cross dressing, but there
are similarities in the behavior (for example, I'd find my own hair
stuff rifled through just as you're finding your clothes) so I hope
this helps.

-Dawn