Tomwaters wrote:
electroscopillan wrote:

I think you're right about being overwhelmed. When we talked I told
her
that I won't mind sending the older child to daycare if the reason is
she needs a break, but she always insists that it's the best thing
because
he needs to interact with other kids and be exposed to other things
to
get stimulated and not bored. I don't want to send the child to
daycare for that reason because I think it's too early. Aside from
the
different view point about whether it's good for him or not, I just
don't think we can afford it on a permanent basis, especially if both
kids go to day care from
toddler to kindergarden.

I think you should not worry so much about the reason to send the older
child to day care. You seem to think she needs a break, and pretty much
everyone I know that has two kids that close in age has needed a break.
So in your mind, you are sending the child to day care because your
wife needs a break. She is sending him because he needs interactions.
So what, the end effect is the same.

Maybe your wife is rationalizing, and maybe she isn't. But there is
isn't much value in forcing her to admit she is rationalizing or making
her give up the day care idea if you think she needs a break.

And, I wouldn't worry so much about the future of having both kids in
day care 18 months from now. This decision you are making is not
forever -- you can revisit it later, reduce the number of days or
hours, decide to wait longer to send the younger child, etc. I think
the key thing with having a newborn is that with most things, you
should do what works for your family now, and not worry about undoing
it later. You do that when you need to.

Jan