wrote:

I think you should not worry so much about the reason to send the
older child to day care. You seem to think she needs a break, and
pretty much everyone I know that has two kids that close in age has
needed a break. So in your mind, you are sending the child to day
care because your wife needs a break. She is sending him because he
needs interactions. So what, the end effect is the same.

I think it does matter though. The mother needs a break no matter what. I
won't repeat my other post but if she is *really* truly concerned about her
19mo's behavior then I have two comments. First when really tired and
overwhelmed some woman don't think to clearly. They think that they are
shortchanging their kids and that someone else would do a better job. I
wouldn't want that to be the basis of a decision. Second, if the child is
having a hard time because he is adjusting to having a new baby and less
mommy time....sending him to daycare isn't going to fix that. Getting him
some onene relaxed mommy time on a regular basis would go a lot further.
She may not think that way if she is really tired because she may already
think she is failing him. When I was still on maternity leave with my
second, I took swim lessons with my first. Now...that wasn't so brilliant
as the he would have much rather just hung out with me..we had a long drive
to town etc. but the fact that he had just me really did a lot for him. For
those first few months back at work I'd take an afternoon off every 2 weeks
and spend a couple hours with him before getting the baby. He loved it. We
also did some of that with dh and I. I do think it helped him. He happened
to be an easy toddler but with my second I did the same thing when he was a
toddler. That helped me because he was so difficult with me that some
relaxed onene time helped *me* reconnect with *him*. Don't underestimate
the value of that time for both parties.

Maybe your wife is rationalizing, and maybe she isn't. But there is
isn't much value in forcing her to admit she is rationalizing or
making her give up the day care idea if you think she needs a break.

I agree with that. Just give her a break...anyone would need it :-) The
plan for how best to meet the child's needs could use some discussion
though, IMO.

And, I wouldn't worry so much about the future of having both kids in
day care 18 months from now.

Very good point. Do it (or whatever plan is decided on) for 2-3 months and
re-assess then.

--
Nikki