Rosalie B. wrote:
"Clay" wrote:


I was recently offered a job over 1300 miles away but I'm not going to
move there. I want the job and my family understands, but I've never
been in a situation with a "1000-mile commute". I have one
six-year-old. This job would allow me to save money so I can spend more
time with him when he's older. I know people that have done this
successfully, and I live very close to the airport so I won't spend
more time flying per week than I currently spend on the road.
Nevertheless, I will be away on weeknights but there's a theory that's
not worse than working late on weeknights? But of course this is
perhaps an awful way to go about life.

Advice?


Lots of people have long distance jobs. My dh was military and
sometimes was deployed for longer intervals - several months up to a
year. My ds was a long haul trucker and only got home every other
weekend. My dd's husband was in school in Michigan and she was
working out of Miami airport. She commuted by air taking her under 2
yo child with her for a year. It can be dealt with provided that
everyone involved (specifically the child's other parent) is REALLY on
board with it.

That means that the SAHP has to be willing and able to do all the
parenting during the week, and then let you have a say on the
weekends. IOW, there shouldn't be competition between the parents for
the child's attention, or feelings of being put-upon because of one
parent's absence.

grandma Rosalie


I seocond Rosalie's feelings on this one. My husband is active-duty
military, so my son and I only see him in spurts here and there (though
it seems more frequent in his new unit). If your spouse can handle the
extra workload created by your absence, it may be worth it.

Some things to keep in mind:

Call home during the week, on a schedule your child can predict, e.g.
every evening right before bedtime.

If possible, take your child to see where you will be living when you
are away. It seems less scary and distant if they have seen it in person.

When you come home for the weekend, don't come home exhausted unless you
come home after your child is asleep (if you can help it). If you come
home ready and eager to spend time with your child, he/she is more
likely to see you as happy to be home with him/her rather than just
waiting to escape to work again.

The parent who is consistantly home should create/determine daily
routines (bedtime, mealtime, etc), and the parent who is in and out
should follow them. Kids need consistency, and the parent who is
working solo most of the time needs things to be do-able when they are
alone. It is unreasonable for you to insist that the kids' routines are
different when you are home, or, worse, want things to work in ways that
are difficult for your spouse to maintain in your absence.

For example, my husband likes to do our son's bedtime routine together
-- one parent reads stories, helps with tooth brushing, etc, while the
other makes his warm milk, collects needed bedtime items, etc. I
finally put my foot down about this because when my husband is gone, I
just can't do it that way alone, and the little one becomes impatient
and frustrated. He came to expect bedtimes to be miserable when Daddy
was gone, so he would refuse to sleep. Whomever puts him to bed now,
regardless of whether both of us are home, does cleanup of toys and
bedtime items (our son helps), then bathing/ diaper-changing/
toothbrushing, then sits the little one at the table while his milk is
made, followed by bed and a bedtime story. He no longer freaks out at
bedtime when his father is gone.

illecebra