I can only reply as a former "difficult" teen. My daughter is not even 4
yet, but I'll tell you what my folks did to curb my behavior.

1. Get tough. My mom spoke honestly to me, but she laid down ground rules,
and when I broke them, I was grounded, hauled by my shoulder into the house
(when I came home at 1am at 16, pushed in a chair and read the riot act).
She also smacked me some, not too bad. At this time, I was 16 dating a 22
y/o man and having sex and smoking pot. Yeah, I deserved to get hit some.
And no, I have no emotional scars.

2. She spoke honestly about the world and the real path I was going down.
She never let me forget how much I was loved, and we went to counseling
together.

3. She was present. I knew that she wasn't going to let me slide because she
was there when I got home from school and also she was waiting for me when I
got home from a date.

Please, don';t take this as a criticism of you. I have often heard that when
women should be at home most is when their kids are in the middle-teen
years. I hope I can do that someday. I am fortunate enough that we planned
it so I can be home now.

Watch the movie "thirteen" if you haven't seen it allready. For some reason,
between the ages of 12-14, girls' self-esteem plummets (not all, but many).
I know with the changing grades, middle school being hell, it's a lot on a
person. The movie is fantastic and lets you remember the essential thing: no
matter how they act they are still just babies on the inside.

HTH,

Theresa