Circe wrote:
"Amy" wrote in message
oups.com...
Mine has expressed extreme discomfort with the idea of a vasectomy.
Oh, does he have another think coming!!! It'll go like this, "Listen,
Honey, birth control in this house has been a pain in MY ass for over
10 years now. It can be a pain in yours for a couple of days." And
after a couple natural childbirths, I'll be qualified to say, "Oh, suck
it up!" too. There will be no whining.

You know, I really don't think it is at ALL fair to ask another person to
undergo surgical modification of HIS body for YOUR convenience.

How is it any less fair than him asking me to take a pill every day (a
pill that can have serious health consequences for me, especially with
my blood pressure problems) for his convenience?

How is surgical modification of HIS body a bigger deal than ongoing
chemical modification of my body? I actually think that surgical
modification of his body is a much, much smaller deal.

Yes, I know,
birth control affects both of you, but still...if you really want the
finality and simplicity of a surgical solution and your husband doesn't, the
fact that you've given birth and had to deal with birth control up to now
just doesn't qualify as a reason he should "suck it up" and do what YOU
want.

Oh, sure it does. I'll handled it for the first 10+ years of our
relationship. He can handle it for 3 days and then we can both be done
with it. I think that's perfectly reasonable and fair.

Sorry, but it just sounds to me like a good way to put a strain on
your marital relationship.

I disagree. It'll put more of a strain on our relationship if I
continue to take unreliable pills that make me feel bad (major side
effects - hence this thread) and could result in an unplanned
pregnancy.

My husband and I are done having children as far as we know, but NEITHER of
us is particularly comfortable with the finality of surgical sterilization.

Then it's a decision that you both have made, and that's fine. The
decision that we will make in our relationship is going to be
different, and it's going to involve HIM taking some responsibility for
OUR birth control for a change. Your Marriage May Vary.

It IS reversible, you know. Reversal is even covered by some
insurance.

Really, though, I find the IUD so easy and worry-free that it's as good as
surgical sterilization as far as I'm concerned (and almost as effective
statistically, incidentally--the failure rate is very, VERY low). I think
you should at least try an IUD before you decide that surgically altering
your husband against his wishes is your preferred method of birth control.

Well, I might try it for a while, but I'm not going to have an IUD
until menopause, either.

Perhaps we're in uncomparable situations, because you're over 38 years
old, while I'm only 29, and I have more fertile years to worry about.
If I were looking at menopause in 10 years, my answers might be
different, too. My mom went through the change at 50, so we're talking
about 21 years, here. That's a LOT of pills. The financial cost alone
of all of those co-pays ($10/month x 12 months x 21 years = $2520), not
to mention all the wasted pregnancy tests because I don't trust the
pills, figure that at 2 per year at $15 a piece for another $630;
versus the cost of a vasectomy ($500 deductible) makes it worth it (and
that's assuming that the costs don't rise, and we know that the costs
of prescription drugs rise all the time). I'll even let him spend the
difference ($2650) on toys.

We could also figure in the emotional cost of me being a train wreck if
I miss a pill (it screws me up, big time. PMS on steroids), but that's
harder to quantify. I would think that avoiding that would be worth
the price of a vasectomy to him, too.

Then there's the issue of the time committment... It took me 3 months
to fully recover from my daughter's birth. If we have another kid,
that'll be a total of 6 months recovery (not to mention 18 months of
being pregnant, and two labors). So we're talking my 730 days of
pregnancy/labor/recovery versus about three days of MILD discomfort.
Furthermore, he can treat his mild discomfort with heavy duty drugs
(because he doesn't have to worry about nursing, or passing the drugs
to the kids through the placenta, or anything).

Yeah, a vasectomy and recovery is a drop in the bucket compared to my
two pregnancies, labors, and recoveries, and he will be just fine.
I'll even make him chicken soup because I am a very nice wife.

Amy