beeswing wrote:
My 5th grade daughter just started private middle school (5th through
8th), and the teacher is assigning what she calls a "weekly." It comes
out every Thursday and the work on it needs to be done by the following
Thursday. There's probably up to an hour of work a day, if it were
evenly spread out over the week. At this point, the parent signs it to
prove that they've seen it, but this will be phased out as the kid
gains more responsibility for herself.

Here's the trouble. In the past, we've monitored her homework and made
sure she did it. It's been a real pain; she's basically had to be
badgered about half the time. This year, since the homework is assigned
by the week, there's been even greater resistance: "I don't feel like
it today." "I'll work on it on the weekend." (and doesn't). "Can't I do
it later?"(and doesn't)."I'll work on it in the morning." And in the
morning, "I'll work on it tonight."

I've allowed myself to be put in the position of chief nag. I want out.
At what age is it reasonable to totally hand over responsibility for
homework completion to the kid?

More specifically: Given my daughter's age, would it be better to lay
down a few rules (such as "an hour a day," you choose the
hour...repercussions next day if hour not spent), or would it be better
to just lay out suggestions (i.e., an hour a day and if you don't do
it, it's on your shoulders), or would it be better simply to completely
hand off the responsibility and wash my hands of it ("YOU are
responsible for getting your homework done and you figure out how you
are going to do it.")?

She's in a private school that expects a lot of her. The teachers there
will not put up with stuff like homework not getting in, but since this
is a new school to us, I don't know what will happen if she doesn't.
(That would be a good question for me to ask the teacher.)

I think some communication with the teacher here is definitely
warranted, especially if you are changing strategies about
getting homework done, *especially* if it means there's a
chance that the homework won't get done.

If you want to opt out of being the nagger, then you need to
talk to your daughter so she knows what you're doing and what
your expectations are. Tell her you won't be nagging her,
but that you expect (demand) that her work get done, and if
it doesn't, there will be consequences, which you then list
and enforce as necessary. Doing this should not mean that
you can't ask in a I'm-just-curious mode about homework,
but you can't then ask about the time schedule your daughter
has to finish things, or tell her she can't do things
because her homework isn't finished (unless it's a
consequence of earlier homework not being done in a timely
manner).

Alternatively, you might give her, say, two passes per homework,
where she can say "I'll do it later". Use up the passes,
and she has to do the homework now. I agree the "I'll do
it later" thing is maddening. You're still the chief nag,
but at least there's a limit. Agree with your daughter on
how many passes are acceptable.

Fifth grade to me seems just a bit too young for some kids
to have full responsibility for getting homework done. YMMV


Scott DD 12 and DS 9