"'Kate" wrote in message
...
On Sun, 27 Aug 2006 13:48:45 GMT, "Mike"
the following was posted in blue dry erase marker:


"'Kate" wrote in message
. ..
On Sat, 26 Aug 2006 22:35:54 GMT, "Mike"
the following was posted in blue dry erase marker:

Hello, everyone!

My boys are happily watching Sponge Bob in their underwear, so I have a
bit
to talk to my ng buddies...

Okay, I have a question: anyone out there have any suggestions for
fighting
loneliness? As I've come out of my divorce, I've begun to open up more
to
people again, and actually would like to start dating at some point, and
I
definitely could use more friends. With the boys, though, it's very
hard
to
find any "grown up" time for myself. I have to fight against loneliness
so
that I don't sink back into depression, but it's kinda hard sometimes (I
know probably everyone who reads this will undertand that sentiment).

Loneliness is a lack of something. It isn't a thing in itself. It's like
trying to divide by 0... you can't.

That being said, anyone have any advice in this regard? Not looking for
a
silver bullet; I know there is none. But I'm going crazy just being
alone
all the time... :\

Mike


You're alone. Without another grown up, you feel you'd sink back into
depression so you fight against loneliness?


Well, yeah. We all need social interaction to stay healthy, right?

I think the level varies. Some people need less interaction, and some
more. But being alone and being lonely are, to me, distinctly different.
You can be lonely in a room full of people. You can be lonely in a
marriage. You can't be alone in either... see what I mean? If
interaction is the component that you're missing, then there are some
simple fixes. There are single parent groups with planned adult
activities like parents without partners. The YMCA is very family
oriented and they provide daycare. And once you get things settled with
your 9 year old, perhaps you'll be able to get someone over once in
awhile so that you can take a break from the day in and day out care.
The Autism groups should be able to guide you toward that goal. I know
that there were several graduate students at the university who donated
their time to help a family affected by autism... they'd schedule hours
that they could visit with the child so that the parents could get away.

It
doesn't necessarily need to be an intimate relationship, but I need some
sort of adult contact.

Yeah... there's a period of withdrawal. It sounds to me like you're at a
point where you don't like where you're at and you want to move forward
but don't know how because you're a single parent. It can be frustrating
to recognise something's missing like that. Taking steps toward more
interaction with adults, like a plan or just saying hello to someone
while you're waiting in line somewhere may help a bit. So will making
phone calls. So does the internet... maybe not so much here but there
are special interest groups that may be more "yourself" oriented and not
so wrapped up in the single parenting job.

I think that if you find a way to reach out to the community for help,
help will be there for you. Where there's help, there's adult
interaction.



I think you pretty much summed it up, Kate... I don't like where I'm at, and
I've never been at this point, so I'm not sure where to go. Actually, it
felt good to see you put it that way: maybe I'm not the only one that's ever
felt like this. I did try contacting the Y though. They won't watch my
oldest because he's not toilet trained yet. I suppose that goes more with
his mental retardation diagnosis, though. I know not being trained on that
yet is not from lack of trying on mine or his Mom's part, or even his
school. Now that he has his official diagnosis, though, I'm hoping to get
some sort of respite care. I'm just scared, though, because the cheapest I
have found so far was through a subsidized agency that wanted to charge me
$17 / hour, because they worked on a sliding scale rate based on your income
(I'm a computer programmer). I'm having my ex's neighbor watch him now
during the day for $11 / hour. Times like this just make me want to take
their Mom and ask why she did this to us. But you can only go forward,
right?

I have signed up with 2 local groups though: an autism support group, and a
recreational "just for the adults" single parents group that does group
outings. My Mom will watch them occasionally, so I'm hoping to get out with
them in the next month or two.