On 17 Sep 2004 12:21:31 GMT, oaway (Joelle) wrote:

Quite a few of us
have been through agonising depression and medication and grief and
bereavement and pain with our kids. It's a bit minimising of that to
have you say you're the only one,

Okay, lemme explain again because I'm in no way minimizing anybody's pain and
experience. I overstated the case because I thought it was so ironic that Kit
and my boys were SO similar with the anger and outbursts that don't make sense.
Frankly I've never known anyone to have a kid with quite the problems my son
does. It's just a matter of similarity.

Fair enough. :-)

Of course lots of people have difficulties with kids. God knows I'm not the
only one and I'm really lucky because it could have been worse. Although I
have to confess sometimes I used to wish my son had a drug problem, because
then at least I would know what to do.

Heh. I went through a period of time where I wished mine had cancer
(no diminishing of the pain of cancer, to anyone here who's been
there). I thought, if she had cancer, we'd know the enemy and we'd
fight it and we'd either win or lose. This...especially before we knew
what was wrong...just felt like fighting a war with cooked spaghetti
while standing in quicksand.

Lots of people experience grief. But Kate and I know a particular kind of
grief, and even then, it's not the same so some things we can say "I know how
you feel" but other things we have to say "That I don't know or understand"

[g] Took me a minute there. I tend to think that Kate and *I* know a
particular kind of grief, because of our being the two suicide
survivors here. Just goes to show how egocentric I can be. You're
quite right, of course.

I don't use the phrase "I know how you feel" because, even when our
experiences are very similar, I don't. That's why I often phrase my
remarks in terms of my own experiences. I figure, I can't really
comment on other people's because I don't know the ins and outs of
their lives, but I can offer my *own*, and they can take what they
need and toss the rest.

I realize, though, that this could seem as if I talk endlessly about
myself. I've decided to live with that as a lesser evil.

That's all I meant. God knows I haven't suffered any more, I don't know any
mroe, and I'm not any better than anyone else. Of course i've made mistakes.
In fact, if I do think I'm smart, it's from what I learned from my mistakes.

I know, Joelle. I don't see you as thinking you're better than anyone
else. I was just a bit uncomfortable with the phraseology, is all. I'm
over it. I didn't mean to be excessively PC. Just wanted to clarify.

Be well.

Cele