Hello,

I am the Stepdad of a 15 y o girl and 11 y o boy. I have been with them for
10 years so I have known them from a very young age.

My wife is the love of my life. She has always given me the freedom to
discipline the children and is not shy to step in if she feels I'm too
harsh.

Some background:
When the kids were young....EVERYONE was happy that the kids actually
listened to me when I said things like "no" or "stop" to the kids. They
tended to ignore Mom's attempts to calm them down. They were both VERY busy
kids. Daycare people were amazed when I picked up the boy and he actually
let me dress him without a problem. I think that even their Mom liked the
fact that I could step in when needed and often suggested that I take the
boy on errands as he would listen to me. I heard several comments from
friends of Mom's (now my friends too) on how different the kids are with me.

In a sentence, I'm much more strict with the kids than my wife is. I'm not
suggesting that my approach is better, rather than it is different. The
trouble is, now the kids are 15 and 11 and having a strict step parent is
not what ANYONE wants any longer. I'm getting the impression that my wife
and step kids would rather I butt out at this point.

I don't feel that I have changed at all and I have some difficulty accepting
that (after 10 years) I now should sit back and just accept whatever Mom
feels is appropriate for the kids. So far, I haven't. This is creating a
lot of fighting between my wife and I. She feels that I am way too strict
and I feel she is too soft. We tend to have opposing views on everything
when it comes to the kids. We need to find a happy medium but it is not
happening. It's the only thing we fight about by the way.

My step daughter is a great kid most of the time. She and I do not agree
though on the amount of freedom she should have. She has activities that
she goes out to on two nights a week which are supervised by an adult.
Most weekends she either has activities (tournaments etc) or we let her have
a friend over for a sleep over. There have been several occasions where she
has been very vague on where she is going. We find out later that things
were not as they seemed. She would go to a friends place where the parent
was
supposed to be home and we've found out later that the parent was not there.
She will ask to go to a friends place and then we find out that that friend
was planning on attending a mixed party. She keeps saying that she didn't
know that the parent wouldn't be there or she didn't know about the party
etc. I'm having difficulty believing her after so much of this.

My step son has two moods.....good and bad. When it's good it's great. He
laughs, is goofy in general and talks a blue streak. When it's bad, he
likes to do the very things he knows will get on my nerves. If you ask him
to stop doing something, he will do it just one more time just to show you
he's not listening. Lately he is starting to talk back which he has never
done before.

I tend to take the playstation away of revoke TV privileges when we have
problems but I am always paying a price with my wife as she feels that I am
being too strict. So, whenever the kids get into trouble, consequently, so
do I now. I keep getting told to "relax" and not be such a hard case. I
should say not just by my wife but by all of those same people that used to
be happy with how well the kids listened to me.

Over the past few years things have become much more tense and I have been
getting very angry with both the kids and my wife. It's not good for
anyone. I know I need to curve my anger but it seems to me like I'm the odd
man out now and it is very frustrating. Whenever I try to have a
conversation with my Stepdaughter she won't let me finish a sentence which
never fails to set me off. I'm at the point where I avoid conversations
with her as they tend to end badly. Then I get heck from my wife for not
talking with my stepdaughter.

This kids father is in their life. For the longest time, he only saw them
every third weekend due to his work schedule. There were typically no calls
in between visits. He would see them the required times but would often
call at the last minute and change plans which reaked havoc with us. The
kids love going to his house though as the girl gets to go where ever she
wants with no supervision and the boy plays playstation all weekend. Mind
you, that information may not be accurate as we do not have good
communication with their father and rely heavily on what the kids say.

I'm not sure if anyone can help but I thought I would send this out and
hopefully start a conversation around some of these issues.

Cheers.