"lu-lu" wrote in message
...
I posted before about the fact I was finding this pregnancy emotionally
difficult to deal with, and last night I think I addressed some of my
issues
with DH, but he doesn't really deal with emotional stuff too well, and I
didn't really get to have a chat with him, so I thought I'd air my poor
brains here if that's ok.

My first worry might sound silly, but I'm worried about having a boy. For
more than 2 years, I've been a mother to a little girl, and I've got used
to
that. I know what I'm doing with her, and being a girl myself, I have a
better understanding. It's not that I don't want a boy, but having a boy
is
a definite issue with me at the moment. I really wanted a boy last time,
and
I always wanted Jessie to have a brother as I love having brothers, but
now
I'm worried about it. I worry that they'll have nothing in common, or that
I
won't know how to respsond to his needs ect.

I think others have already made good comments about this issue. I think
it's entirely normal to wonder if you'll be able to parent a child of the
opposite sex from what you already have. If your first child had been a
boy, and this one a girl, you'd be having the same issues/worries. You will
figure it out with this boy, the same way that you figured it out with your
girl -- one day at a time.

My next worry is labour. I had a fabulous labour with Jessica. For the
most
part it ws silent, and so I was able to enjoy the experience without pain
relief, and by the time it did get painful, it was nearly over, and I
still
enjoyed it. I liked that I was induced (although I *hated when I went
overdue lol!) as I was in hospial when labour started and it was all nice
and calm. This time I'm terrified of going into labour naturally. I don't
know how I'd know the difference between severe BHs and real contractions.
I
worry about not getting Jessie to the babysitters, or myself to the
hospital. I worry that I won't be able to get hold of DH in time, or that
I'd be at work. I also worry that my wonderful experience of labour with
Jessica will be spoilt by a painful/difficult labour this time.

Your wonderful experience of labor with Jessica is what it is. A wonderful
experience. Any future labors you have will be their own experiences, good,
bad or indifferent. None of that will change what you experienced with
Jessica. Yes, you do have additional things to worry and fret about this
time with the planning and logistics of having a small child when you go
into labor, that you didn't have the first time, but make plans, make
contingency plans, and then a back up plan. You can't plan for everything,
but you can at least make sure that you've got options, so that you won't
feel totally out of control, in terms of what to do with Jessica when you go
into labor.

I've moved house since I had Jessica and I have different midwives &
health
visitors. I've not even seen a Health Visitor for more than a couple of
minutes, and that was when I registered. She made it clear that they don't
really bother with babies over 12 months here. Before, I could attend a
Tuesday clinic whenever I wanted a bit of advice, or just to weigh her.
The
midwifery service is the same. I have my first appointment today for more
than 12 weeks. And I don't have a named midwife, just whichever one
happens
to be around at the time.... Before, when I had a named midwife, I felt
able
to express my cocerns etc and confide in her, and was pleased when she did
the first home visits after the birth... This time I feel a bit
abandoned..
Also, with your second child here, rather than seeing the HV, apparently
you
just get put on the community nurses's list.

I don't really have any comments about these issues, as we aren't really set
up the same way here in the US. Hopefully one of the other UK people will
be able to offer you some advice or insight.

I think Jessie will take to the new baby well. I've explained to her the
best that I can that there's a baby in mummy's tummy and involved whenever
I've bought anything for the baby, and she understands what's hers and
what
belongs to the baby, but I worry that she'll get overlooked by others when
the baby arrives. I love spending time with her, even just at nap time
when
we lie on the bed together. I stress about the baby interrupting that, and
about me having the opposite reaction to everyone else, and overlooking
him
to look after Jessica.

It's really easy to talk to people before they come over, and ask them to
"ignore" the baby when they first come over and make a beeline to Jessica.
Many people will bring a toy or something for the older child, if they are
already bringing something for the baby. You can let people know that even
something as small as a sheet of stickers will thrill your daughter and make
her feel super special, etc. You'll be surprised at how well Jessica does
do, with the new addition, and how other people will be careful not to make
her feel like the odd man out.

Remember, the baby is not really aware of his surroundings for a while, so
he won't know if you are "ignoring" him to spend time with Jessica to make
up for other people showing him with gifts, etc. So don't fret about that.

Also, a neat little trick I did with Taylor when Addie was a baby -- rather
than drop everything the first moment that Addie cried, I'd make a point to
finish what I was doing, ESPECIALLY if it was with Taylor, while saying
(ostensibly to Addie, but really for Taylor's benefit), "Hold on Addie, I'll
be with you in a minute. I have to finish tying Taylor's shoe (or reading
Taylor this story, etc.)" Then, if I was feeding Addie or changing her
diaper, and Taylor needed me, I'd use the same words to her -- "Hold on
Taylor, I'll be with you in a minute. I have to finish feeding Addie."
Addie had no idea what was going on, but Taylor was shown that each child
had to wait their turn, that neither child was more important than the
other, etc.

I don't know, I know that they're probably all silly concerns and that
I'll
get over it, but I'm really scared of pregnancy etc this time - where as
last time I was going into it feeling confident and calm. But that's when
I
had idealistic fantasies of looking after this little baby, Now I wonder
how
I'm going to cope with two of them, with my DH at work. I've got used to
having a big child, and I'm going to be scared of having such a little
baby
again.

Hugs. Little babies aren't that scary, at all. In fact, for me, I prefer
little babies -- there are three main issues that need to be addressed. If
the baby is not happy, it's either hungry, tired, or dirty. Fix the
problem, and baby usually gets happy again, and often falls back asleep for
another few hours. For newborns, at least.

I hope venting has helped you process a bit. I know that some people will
not try to tell you not to worry about some of these things, since you'll
probably worry anyway, but here is what I say...most of these issues are
normal, and will resolve themselves. Worrying about these things in advance
won't change them, and in fact, worry just breeds more worry. Try to let
them all go, and focus on the special one on one time you have now with
Jessica, and the little baby growing in your belly. You've been pregnant
before, experienced labor and delivery before...you'll do fine.

Hugs.
--

Jamie Clark

www.ClarkDigitalArts.com