"KD" wrote in message
ups.com...
Greetings folks:

Just wanting to get some opinions from out there. We've been invited to
a wedding, which it will cost a fair bit for us to go to; car rental,
gas, clothing for me, wedding gift, etc.

Anyhow, we just learned that our five month old isn't welcome at the
reception, not even for just the dinner portion. The baby is
exclusively breastfed, not like I could just leave him with someone.
Even if he weren't, everyone I know in the area will be at the wedding,
there's no one to leave him with.

Question is, is this the norm for weddings? When I got married this
didn't even cross my mind, and I confess it didn't even occur to me
that DS wouldn't be welcome when we got the invite. I always thought
that weddings were a family celebration, and families do include
children. I can't see us spending all this cash to go, when the most
important member of my family isn't welcome.

What do you all think?

KD & G

We're kind of in a similar situation - kinda...
We were invited to SIL's wedding end of June. She made it clear that this
was a family event, and she even told me that I was not welcome to attend if
I did not want to bring our kids. (FWIW, this was disaster time in the
family) DS ended up being sick, so I left him at my mom's house. I decided
to take DD with me, since I did NOT want to deal with 2 kids on my own for
an entire afternoon/evening out in the boonies where this wedding was
located. This wedding was off the wall for me - DH and I were told to bring
$60 worth of sandwich meat, other family members were asked to bring X
amount of buns, salads, dessert, etc. - Friend and I go on and on (between
eachother) about how this was a "bring your own sandwich" wedding. But,
this was a family event.

End of August, we have my cousin's wedding to attend. This wedding is more
along the lines of weddings that I am used to - church reception, catered
dinner, DJ'd dance with a rental hall. We are debating (DH and I) on if we
will go or not. On my side of the family, the only ones that are invited to
this wedding are the immediate family - my parents, my brothers, my aunt and
uncle, my cousin and DH and I. We were outwardly told that 'Children are
not allowed' - it's funny, since our kids are the ONLY ones on my cousin's
(the groom's) side of the family. I also found out, through my aunt (not
the one who's son is getting married) that the bride's side of the family
includes EVERYONE. The ratio of our side to her side is about 1:70. Her
side, the children are welcome to attend. There's far more children of
various ages on her side, and there's only our children on our side.
For me, families should be invited - families ALWAYS include children if
there are children in that particular family. I also feel that the children
in families should always be welcome to attend the church and dinner part,
as well as part of the dance. Small children should be at home, in bed, at
a decent hour, so the norm, that I am used to, is children attend and leave
around 9ish. Parents, if they wish, come back after they drop the kids off
with another family member or a babysitter, or the parents can call it a
night at that. THIS is what I had in mind... Since ours are real young, I
had figured we'd just call it a night around 8 or 9, take the kids home and
put them in bed then head off to bed ourselves. I guess this is NOT
ALLOWED(!!!) for my cousin's wedding, yet it's a 'rule' that is fairly
one-sided.
The difference, though, is that DD will be over a year for this wedding, and
she does not need me around all day and all night. Ours can be left with
Grandma (my MIL) for the afternoon/night, so technically, if I wasn't so
offended over the children on this side not being welcome and the children
on her side being welcome, we'd definitely go. Breastfeeding a young baby,
OTOH, if they are not welcome, I would say nuts to that. I would simply say
the truth. I'm nursing the baby, I am unable to leave him for any extended
period of time, as my son is breastfed. It's not a lie, it's not a story...
I'd just say it like it is!