H,
My husband is a very sensible person, and as I started hearing horror
stories literally immediately upon telling people I am pregnant (one
woman: "How wonderful! Congratulations! One of my twins was born blue
with the cord around his neck and apgar zero!" Ack! *This* is the
congratulations I get??) he keeps saying to me, "Everything you hear is
anecdotal." Which is true! Just because it was their experience doesn't
mean that it will be my experience. As long as my doctor keeps saying
everything is fine I'll just say "That must have been horrible for you!"
when I hear these stories and go my merry way. I bet if you had the
opportunity to interview other mothers who used the birth center you'd
find that the majority of them had happy experiences with no
problems....otherwise, how could the center stay in business?

Congratulations on your great pregnancy. I'm sure you'll do fine.
Mothers who tell horror stories are like old soldiers comparing war
wounds...they have a common bond forged in the heat of battle. They're
just welcoming you into the club, in a rather scary, indelicate way.
Just remember that the boring, normal labor stories, just like the
stories from the troops who don't see much action, aren't as exciting to
tell

Best,
Rebecca

Elric wrote:

So I'm having a great pregnancy all around, but since I want to give
birth in a birth center instead of a hospital, people are using my
private choice to tell me the absolute worst birth horror stories I've
ever had to deal with in my life!

Finally, I told a family friend (who was convinced that if I heard her
horror story, I would give up the birth center plan immediately) the
following:

1) No horror story will change my mind, I like my doctor (she will be
there, with another experienced OB/GYN, for the entire natural
childbirth. For whatever reason, this place doesn't use midwives), and
I like the center. It's a personal, loving, positive place where I
never feel poked, prodded, or treated like an idiot. My doctor wants
me to make a birth plan, and she's committed to using it. What more
could I ask for?

2) Being pregnant, I tend to overreact a little, and I don't want to
hear horror stories that might freak me out. I am well aware that I
might end up with a very different birth from the one I am planning,
and I am absoultely fine with that. Things happen. I just can't stand
it when practically EVERYONE I know thinks I'm doing serious harm to
my baby and/or myself because of this very personal choice.

Then again, they can think it, it's just that how do I keep people's
mouths shut while still maintaining friendships? I'm only at 23 weeks
(and can you tell this is my first pregnancy?), I've got a long way to
go, and any advice you can all give me about how to handle these
people would be appreciated.

One solution I've come up with so far is to let people say whatever
awful things they want, let them think I've taken them seriously, and
then allow it to flow right past me. I just know that when I've tried
this in the past, I get just as stressed out than if I tell people to
keep their horror stories to themselves. Sigh.

Anyone been there/currently there now with this one? I'd be interested
to hear what you all have to say.

Thanks,
H