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**R. Steve Walz**

wrote:

Hi
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I recently posted here
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"instant single parent of my 18 year old son!"
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a number of questions about how to try to handle a teenager:
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* whose values are diametrically different from yours ...
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* who does not respect you
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* who does not understand you
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If he is 18, then he is an adult. treat him that way.
If you don't like everything he does, tough ****, he's an adult!
Treat him like you have to treat your other adult friends in order
to even HAVE any!! Since he isn't your son, he isn't your business.
Stay the hell out of it and luxuriate in the "not having to"!!

Apparently he sees me as his "sending money daddy" and now as an
adult feels "betrayed"
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If you ****ed up your guilt is your problem. Do with it what you have
to and quit bitching. If you can ignore him, then you have to.

I think I made the mistake to totally underestimate peoples concerns
partly because I had a hard time being cynical and also because I had
a hard time when I was trying to leave the country (my family would
not help me) so I would have been a hypocritical asshole hadn't I
helped him
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Your guilt for any past bad acts is yours alone.

I think I should not back off till he understands basic respect at
the very least as his landlord
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You could wind up in a GREAT DEAL of legal trouble if he has been
living there awhile, if you want him out you are required to give
him the same notice you would anyone if they have been paying rent,
OR IF HE HAS NOT AND THAT HAS PREVIOUSLY BEEN ACCEPTIBLE TO YOU!
All it takes to prove that is the fact that you didn't evict him
before! He is NOT obligated to respect anyone, least way not his
landlord!! You should mind your business and mind the law!

My wife tells me she has had very similar problems with her kids
since they became teens, but there was bonding before they were really
lovely kids and she still has that in her mind. All I see in my case
is a kid trying to bully me and assert what eh believes are his rights
(mostly based on guilt trips) in a somewhat funny way to me
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Guilt doesn't produce rights. What you do about your guilt is up to
you, but remain in your proper place. You are NO LONGER his parent,
if you ever were. You are his housemate. If you don't like him, then
evict him legally, but you have NO other rights!

Any cases of how some of you have handled these kinds of problems?
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I am also worried about the legal implications that impending
problems might have. When does a teenager become and adult?
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Eighteen universally in the USA.
Steve