"Moon Shyne" wrote in message
...
The more you lean on this child, restrict this child, and make
unreasonable
demands on this child, the more she's going to close you out.

You want her to communicate in writing more? Read her stories.........
she's
communicating, though I suspect you may be missing her message.

She tells you she played bells at school today? Why didn't you ask more
questions.... and if she didn't answer, why didn't you call the school way
back
when?

The more I read your posts, the more it sounds like you are demanding that
this
10 year old child be some performer, who does precisely what you want her
to
do - why not explore who and what she truly is, and let her be that? I
can
practically guarantee that she'll be good at it.

She closes you out because no matter what she's done, it hasn't been good
enough
for you. Then you complain that she closed you out.

Let her open up without being condemned for it, and you might find that
you have
a child you actually like.

Guess I need to explain a bit better. The "communication" I'm looking for is
not about her secrets or just 'chatting' ... she does that. It's
communicating information to me that comes thru her from others. It's
important because I have a disability that requires such information be
communicated to me clearly and in a manner I can understand.

Read to her? I can't. Not because I can't read, but much of the time I can't
read BACK to you what is written. The 'condition' is termed aphasia, and
affects my reading, writing, and/or hearing, depending on the time of day
and my own physical state (i.e., nutrition, rested, etc.)

I'm not demanding that she perform something she doesn't know how to do. But
as a child, adults would generally follow up with me because she was a
child. Now, she'll take a message on the phone and either not tell me, or
not get the information straight ... sometimes not even who called. Even the
counselors talked to her at various times about this. I am a disabled
parent, and there are 'accommodations' that must exist in my household. This
is a requirement; she knows it, and she uses it. This is the reason for the
stricter requirements and boundaries. Its no different than if I were blind
and had a child leaving toys throughout the house that could cause injury,
or a deaf parent with a child who learned young to answer the phone or alert
to a doorbell. She's not a servant, but she's a member of my household. This
requires HER to adapt, and she can. About the 20 questions problem (not
answering a question with information). She uses this to avoid giving
information. It may take me hours to write out (because I can't verbalize)
the questions, and then the incident has to be brought up all over again, or
there have been more important consequences. She NEEDS TO TO COMMUNICATE
CLEARLY. It's not a choice.

BTW, she's been 'allowed' a lot of leeway; I was warned for years that I
didn't require more responsibility of her. Now I know why there was so much
concern.