What a wonderful post!

LaVonne

jimrich wrote:

"Concerned" wrote in message ...
Hi group,

Let me introduce myself. I am 26 year old (single) father with a 10 year old
son.
In case you are wondering the mother didn't want anything to do with the child
after a few months.
Anyhow to get back to the point of my post, I had cause to spank my son a few
weeks ago, he had been bullying another kid at school, and as I had been
persistently bullied at school, well I saw red. I hit him pretty hard. He
wouldn't
even speak to me for three days.
This was about six weeks ago and there have been no incidents since then.
It seemed the spanking had done him some good when I heard today there
had been more bullying.
What do I do? My insinctive reaction is to give the lad a really good thrashing
but to be honest I don't think that merely hitting him harder than I did last
time
will do any good in the long run.

I'm really sorry for your son that you have created such a bad
relationship with him that he has to go out there and take his
anger/frustrations out on others. That's the way it was with my dad
and brother! We had a very unhappy, frightening and abusive
relationship with our parents that they, not us, created and the
downside to all the DISREPECT and violence in our unhappy home was
BULLYING by my brother and me of other kids. It's clear to me now
that we would not have become bullies if we'd been given RESPECT and
DIGNITY at home. I don't know, from what you wrote, how you've been
raising and training your boy but, from my childhood experience, it's
glaringly obvious that your son is intensely programed to bully others
no matter how much pain you inflict on him to stop it. Our ****ing
dad was a SERIOUS BEATER but that didn't stop my brother from taking
it out on other kids. Glad my brother finally out grew the need to
take our dad's ugly violence to others.....including me!

"What do I do?"

you could try to do what our dad would never have done or even
considered doing since he was absoultely devoted to violent beatings!
If I were you, I'd start with trying to regain your son's friendship,
respect (not hate/fear!), EQUALITY,
closeness, companionship, admiration, cooperation, togetherness, etc.
Make you son both personally important in your life but also a
respected appreciated FRIEND! Our dad could have turned us both
around in a flash if he had just treated us like he treated his
friends and THEIR CHILDREN instead of treating us like his
disappointing little PRISONERS. Believe me, my older brother was no
timid little prisoner out on the streets and at school! You are your
son's role model, trainer, and guide so if he's out there beating
people up.....he's taken that from you or because of something you've
FAILED to teach him...and you won't be able to just beat what you've
put in him out of him now.....IMO. Our dad didn't actually teach my
brother to beat up others but dad's violence was training enough to
get started along with the murderous RAGE we both felt from dad's
abuse.

You can follow other's sadistic, insane advice to beat, beat, beat
your kid or calm him down with some love, respect and DIGNITY, either
of which he will simply copy and express elsewhere or maybe even back
to you.....let's hope it's love instead of violence!

IMO, beating the crap out of a kid to stop bullying is simply NUTS!

TRY LOVE.....IT GETS BETTER RESULTS.....I KNOW!!!!!!!!!!

jim