"Nikki" wrote in message
...
Chris wrote:
For starters, thank you very much for your response! Now, I will
respond, with all due respect, to your post below.

"alath" wrote in message
ups.com...

If you ask your wife to choose between her daughter and her "marriage
hanging by a thread" husband, her daughter will win, and rightly so.

To understand you correctly, are you saying that a woman's commitment
to her daughter ought to trump her commitment to her husband?

Can't speak for Alath but I would pick my children over my husband, who is
their actual bio father. I'm not saying her decision to support her
daughter by giving her a place to live is right or wrong but that many
parents would pick their children over anyone else. I suspect my husband
would pick the kids over me if an issue arose where he felt he had to
pick.
I hope he would.

Not me. My comittment is to my wife FIRST and foremost!


So does my wife make the "unilateral pronouncements" on family
decisions, or am I living in a democracy where the votes of my wife
and her child outnumber mine?

It seems that you are the one wanting to make the unilateral
pronouncement.
The person you are not considering is the baby.

That's correct. Depending on which court you choose, legally no baby exists;
and she will be a legal adult before such baby exists.

Your wife is most likely
not only thinking of her daughter but what might be best for her
grandchild.

Perhaps in her opinion; one that I do not share.


Perhaps you need to focus on ways of supporting this young girl for the
first year in your home. She can finish highschool, find a job or arrange
secondary education, be old enough to sign a lease.

Already graduated and will be a legal adult in less than a month.

Everyone should know
upfront that this is a temporary arrangement and that she'll move at some
predetermined time. Then you and your wife may be able to agree on
reasonable ways of supporting her outside her home when she has half a
chance of being successful. Being underage, under educated, under
employed,
single, and having a newborn is not a great set up for being terrible
successful. Unless you want to run the risk of having her on your
doorstep
with a 3yo in an ever bigger mess then she is in now I would help her get
started on the right foot.

That's all well and good, but I am unwilling (and ever closer to being
unable) to borrow money to support her and her family. And that IS a
unilateral pronouncement. If she can make an adult choice, then she can be
held accountable for the adult responsibilities/consequences that ride with
such choice. Am I wrong?


I wouldn't worry about statutory rape charges against the father

Uhuh. This man molested her child and now ALL THREE of us are faced with a
major upset in our life, not to mention my marriage is further in peril
related specifically to this situation!

but I'd
sure as heck make legal proceedings to get child support from him part of
the deal.

My guess is that's her option, and as a young adult she will be SOLELY
responsible to make the decision.

[ note: you were probably unaware of her soon to be legal status change,
thus some of your statements.]


--
Nikki
Hunter 4/99
Luke 4/01
EDD 4/06