Scott L wrote:
Maybe a code word/action between you and Henry is needed
here that means Mom get down here and discipline. Will
he lose face if he has to ask your permission for something?

No, I don't think so. That's a good idea.

It sounds like his friends are using your house to test
reactions.

I don't think so. There are honestly huge cultural differences here
(we're on the Texas/Mexico border) regarding what kids are allowed to
do. Some kids who live part time in Mexico have cars and drive (in
Mexico) as young as 12. OTOH we have conservative parents who still
don't allow their 13 year old kids to go to movies without parents
along. It's a challenging place to parent :-0

Both my husband and I were raised (successfully, we think) with the
"you have my trust until you lose it" approach, and lots of freedom.
We're trying to mostly do that too, but to be honest, the risks are
different here and so we find ourselves stuck at times.

Thanks for the great ideas.

-Dawn