On 20 Feb 2007 12:17:19 -0800, "miri"
wrote:

On 20 Feb, 15:42, 'Kate wrote:

When it comes close to that time,you'll be ready. You're already
thinking about it. Of course you're going to be nervous. That's why we
practice with another adult first. The rule is, "I would rather you
come to me for birth control than tell me you're pregnant."

But why that way around? I'd have said 'I'd rather you stay
with your first girlfriend or boyfriend than sleep around
and find you've an STD or expecting a baby with someone
with someone you hardly know anything about' call me old-
fashioned but I like the quaint ol' idea that some people
marry for life....but there again, I didnt did I?! (All
those anniversaries and congratulations, perhaps they
should provide like a mileage card together with a marriage
certificate that you have stamped in an office every few
years ?)

I hear you. It's a shame what's happened to marriage and commitment.


Don't leave out talking about how your adult or almost adult children
feel about their partners. That's the most important part - passionate
feelings. Without feelings, it's just an "act".

I remember on a chat show someone was asked how many
partners had they had who they HADNT kissed !

That must have been an interesting show. Sorry I missed it!


You can do it as a "What if..." or "How would you feel if you had to
tell me you (or your girlfriend) were pregnant?" That always pushes
the discomfort aside. It's also a good way for kids to approach their
parents.

Ah! I see your point,

We don't want our children, once grown to adulthood, to have
dissatisfying sexual lives. We don't want them to use their bodies in
the wrong way either (too many, too often, too early, with the wrong
person, by force, or with other unsatisfying, disasterious results).
We want them to fully participate and get what they want/need. To do
that, they have to know what they need. They have to be able to talk
about it with their partners. If they're not ready to do that, they're
not ready for sex or perhaps, not sex with that person.

I think its very important for them to be comfortable
saying 'No!' if they feel under pressure, I'd like my
children to feel comfortable enough to ask me for advice
and support where needed, but I can't ever be sure of
saying the right thing, I'm their parent and risked an
STD, I have to admit that even though I asked about the
history of my partners, even I can't sure without both
of us being screened and cleared. Someone told me that
in the US you both have to be screened before marriage,
we're a little backward here and we recently had news
that theres some financial crises looming in std clinics.

Thanks,
miri
have a screen

The whole thing's such a sticky subject. First, morals and values,
then physical needs, and it all has to be safe and consentual and
exciting and "good". Nothing's as much of a let down as being poorly
boinked. g

I chose the "rather talk about it and face up to the fact that my
children are going to have sex someday and I'd rather they hear it
from me" route than the "don't do it until you're married" route as a
parent. They can talk to me about sex without feeling like they've
done something horrible. I can't condemn them for wanting to be
intimate with someone... but then, we're not talking about 10, 12 year
olds either as my youngest is 16. I can't honestly say which way is
better. I only know that this way was the right way for my family.

'K