kfc, drawing, tattoo's and kids.

"Nic" nlmiles@optushomedotcomdotaunospam wrote in message
u...


I don't think the guy in front
was to happy with my reply (I said that he was allowed as his mum let him
but I am not as nice and I don't allow you to draw on your body.)

Honestly, I don't think I'd blame him. Body art is exactly that to people
who have it done. Art. There's a big difference between drawing on yourself
and tatoos, IMO.

I'm now wondering
How do you explain to a child what tattoo's are and why some people have
them ?

Ds has asked and I've told him that when some people get to be adults they
make the choice to decorate their bodies that way.

And how to explain so you child knows the difference between drawing on
legs
and tattoo's on legs ?

Marker washes off, tatoos don't and are for adults?

And what should I have replied ?

I think I would have just said those are called tattoos and they don't wash
off. Short and sweet and discuss it in more detail later. Please no offense,
but in the future if a situation like this comes up you might want to make
your answer a little more neutral, at least in front of the person being
discussed.
--
JennP.

mom to Matthew 10/11/00
remove "no........spam" to reply

DD's never raised this question WRT tattoos, but she *has* asked and
we've talked with her about many things that adults (and sometimes
bigger kids) can do, but kids can't. IME, these "when you're older"
things tend to fall into 1 of 3 categories:
1) Things kids can't do, but which I'll have no objection to DD doing
when she's older (e.g., driving). In this case, my explanation is
usually something like, "Driving is hard and it can be dangerous, so
only grown-ups and much bigger kids are allowed to do it. When you're
16 -- that's how old ___ is -- *and* you can show a special driving
teacher that you can drive safely, you'll be allowed to drive."
2) Things I don't personally care for, but will be willing to defer to
DD's taste in when she's older (e.g., certain piercings, and I'd
probably put tattoos in this category if the issue comes up).
Explanation: "Some people have their _____ pierced -- they use a
special, very clean needle to make a hole in it -- so they can wear
jewelry there, because they like how it looks. When they do that, the
hole never goes away -- so only grown-ups are allowed to do it." (If DD
says *she* wants to pierce her nose, I might throw in that she'll
probably change her mind about a lot of things between now and then, but
that she'll be allowed to do it when she's 18 if it's really what she
wants to do.)
3) Things I object to for reasons that go beyond personal taste (e.g.,
they're physically unhealthy or they conflict with our family's values).
Explanation: "Some people smoke because they like how it tastes, and
because it makes them feel good. Smoking isn't good for your body, and
can make you sick, so Daddy & I don't do it, we don't want you to do it
-- and we won't let you do it as long as you're still a kid." (If this
is in the context of DD's commenting on an adult friend's or relative's
smoking, we'd probably add that grown-ups get to decide about smoking
for themselves, even if we don't like it.)

Even if you do happen to have a strong objection to tattoos, most
preschoolers I know are capable of understanding the difference between
rules that apply to everyone *and* family/ house rules that vary from
place to place. For example, my DD knows that it's *never* OK to hurt
someone -- but that it's OK to watch TV during dinner at Grandma's or a
friend's house even if that's not what our family does.

-HB

This guy was in front of us, was in his forties as a guess and had tattoo's
over his legs and arms. My dd happened to notice and said how naughty he was
and that he has to wash his legs and arms. I don't think the guy in front
was to happy with my reply (I said that he was allowed as his mum let him

I'm now wondering
How do you explain to a child what tattoo's are and why some people have
them ?
And how to explain so you child knows the difference between drawing on legs
and tattoo's on legs ?
And what should I have replied ?

I'm always embarrassed by DD's questions and she had lots of them. But
what I've discovered is that most people are not embarrassed by DD, in
fact, they like a curious child (if she keeps the questions to a
minimum). Mostly, I've asked DD to ask the person her question. So, in
your case, she would approach the guy and ask *HIM* tatto questions.


Jeanne

Okay 2 of you have said this now. Why on earth would your curious child's
questions embarrass you??

Sophie wrote:


I'm always embarrassed by DD's questions and she had lots of them. But
what I've discovered is that most people are not embarrassed by DD, in
fact, they like a curious child (if she keeps the questions to a
minimum). Mostly, I've asked DD to ask the person her question. So, in
your case, she would approach the guy and ask *HIM* tatto questions.


Jeanne

Okay 2 of you have said this now. Why on earth would your curious child's
questions embarrass you??


I think they're nosy intrusive questions - or they would be if an adult
asked them. But as I wrote, I've found I was wrong - most times the
adults are NOT embarrassed to be asked these questions by a 6 year old.

And sometimes the questions are just hard to answer or even to
understand. The latest one she's asking people is "Why wasn't Mary
known?"

Jeanne

Kids ask questions about things they don't know.... knowing that what she
saw is called a tatoo and is body art would have been the right answer.
Kids deserve to know the honest truth about what they see....unless it will
do harm or give them nightmares....Had that been myself and my dd, I would
have told her that they are tatoos, they don't wash off and although they
look dirty to some people, other people like them and they are a way that
people express themselves. They are only for adults. I would have also
likely asked him how many he has and what they are if they looked
"none-harming" to my dd.
This is the problem with parent these days, they are not honest with
children...... children need to know what goes on in the world around
them.....I credit my honesty and explanations to the fact that my dd is so
smart. I have never not told her about anything..... these tatoos where
not harming her. They may not be something you approve of but I am sure
there is no tatoo artist who would say.." oh ya, sure kids where would you
like that sword"....... It is an industry, it wouldn't have harmed her to
tell her the truth.
As far as how embrassed you were....she is a child, and children don't know
the difference, they are observant, they notice things differently then we
do, talk to her in private about how she should act in public, not
pointing out something like the man in front of you with the tatoos until
you are in the car where only you can hear her,.... if she asks why she
shouldn't say anything in the store in front of the man.....tell her that
some people don't like it when others notice that they are different.
What would you have done had it been a guy in a wheelchair, or someone who
is cripled and doesn't walk or talk right because they had a car accident
??? would you have been embarassed ???
Karen

"Nic" nlmiles@optushomedotcomdotaunospam wrote in message
u...
Earlier tonight we went out and bought dinner. I went to the local kfc to

buy dinner and had to stand in the queue with dd for a little bit as the
store was busy.

This guy was in front of us, was in his forties as a guess and had
tattoo's
over his legs and arms. My dd happened to notice and said how naughty he
was
and that he has to wash his legs and arms. I don't think the guy in front
was to happy with my reply (I said that he was allowed as his mum let him
but I am not as nice and I don't allow you to draw on your body.) My dd
then
said that he should be drawing on paper only. I then replied and said he
probley does and that those drawings on his legs are special ones. She
said
she was special and she wanted to draw on her legs as well. We then got
served so I never had to say anything to her and then the guy left anyway.

I'm now wondering
How do you explain to a child what tattoo's are and why some people have
them ?
And how to explain so you child knows the difference between drawing on
legs
and tattoo's on legs ?
And what should I have replied ?

I wonder if we see another guy or girl with tattoo's on there legs or arms
what dd is going to ask or say. Or what she might try to embarrass me with
again


Nic
3 1/2 yo dd
11 mo boy

Bruce and Jeanne wrote:

And sometimes the questions are just hard to answer or even to
understand. The latest one she's asking people is "Why wasn't Mary
known?"

The context on that took me a minute to place, heh.
Does she have any notion of what the Biblical euphemism really means?
Maybe just "because she hadn't gotten married yet."

General question: are Jewish women niddah while pregnant?

--
tristyn
www.tristyn.net
"i have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.
i do not think that they will sing to me."

Hhmm, tough one. My husband has tattoos and it took quite a while for the
kids to even say anything or seem to notice them (and they are visible in
short sleeves). They're just art/pictures/drawings that he likes and
wanted
them on his skin forever. The kids have never equated tattoos with
drawing
on themselves.

I would not have said his mom allowed him to draw on himself. That's not
what tattoos are.

I was totally put on the spot, I had no thought or thinking time and I think
I just kinda blurted it out. Hey it happens. Im sure Im not the first mum to
blurb out something stupid about his arms and legs. I mean, in my opnion he
had way more tattoo's than bear skin.


Her questions shouldn't be embarrassing to you. She's young, she's
curious.
If questions about something like tattoos embarrasses you, what will you
say
when she asks why that person is in a wheelchair, or doesn't have an
arm/leg/finger/eye/whatever??

When have already been though that one, I have a half sister whom is in a
wheel chair and has many problems.

I have no problems anwsering some questions cause it "happned for a reason"
but having tattoo's usually is something done with a "thought" or "decision
of I like that one" where as wheel chair or other medical problems is
usually something done in a emergancy to save someones life or though birth
defects etc. My daughter understands this and no longer looks and points at
others.



And I've noticed often kids don't even want a long answer, if they even
want
one at all. They're sometimes just making observations out loud.

I have to be honest and say I never thought about that.

Nic


Sophie
#4 due 7/18/04

"Nic" nlmiles@optushomedotcomdotaunospam wrote in message
u...
Earlier tonight we went out and bought dinner. I went to the local kfc to
buy dinner and had to stand in the queue with dd for a little bit as the
store was busy.

This guy was in front of us, was in his forties as a guess and had
tattoo's
over his legs and arms. My dd happened to notice and said how naughty he
was
and that he has to wash his legs and arms. I don't think the guy in front
was to happy with my reply (I said that he was allowed as his mum let him
but I am not as nice and I don't allow you to draw on your body.) My dd
then
said that he should be drawing on paper only. I then replied and said he
probley does and that those drawings on his legs are special ones. She
said
she was special and she wanted to draw on her legs as well. We then got
served so I never had to say anything to her and then the guy left anyway.

I'm now wondering
How do you explain to a child what tattoo's are and why some people have
them ?
And how to explain so you child knows the difference between drawing on
legs
and tattoo's on legs ?
And what should I have replied ?

I wonder if we see another guy or girl with tattoo's on there legs or arms
what dd is going to ask or say. Or what she might try to embarrass me with
again

i think the only thing wrong here is you & dd talking about someone (& his
mother!) right behind him, which is rude. i was sitting on a bus in front of
a similar conversation with the same scenario one time, & got quite ****ty
about it, not because the little girl was asking her mum about tattoos, but
because the mother wouldn't just answer & be done with it OR tell her child
to just ask me, so they kept on & on & on talking about me as though i was
deaf!

for goodness sake, if someone has visible tattoos they won't mind anyone
noticing (obviously). next time just answer her questions, but more
importantly start the conversations about how it's rude to talk about
someone's appearance within their hearing. next time it will be a fat lady
or (my personal waterloo) a one-legged man - & *they* don't necessarily want
their body discussed in a shop by a kid. these conversations go hand in hand
with the one about how people are all different & like to be beautiful in
their own way, & it still doesn't need to be shouted from the rooftops ;-)
my foil with my kids was to quietly say (only to the child) that the lady
*already* knows she's fat/whatever, & he doesn't need to be pointing it out
to anyone. :-)
kylie
--
www.rdj.com.au

"Sophie"

I'm always embarrassed by DD's questions and she had lots of them. But
what I've discovered is that most people are not embarrassed by DD, in
fact, they like a curious child (if she keeps the questions to a
minimum). Mostly, I've asked DD to ask the person her question. So, in
your case, she would approach the guy and ask *HIM* tatto questions.


Jeanne

Okay 2 of you have said this now. Why on earth would your curious child's
questions embarrass you??


For me not so much of embarrass me but more of the other person cause my
daughter noticed something that is not normal, but I sometimes wonder if I
should be answering with something else rather than saying what I would
say.. Or I wonder if that person (person with tattoo's or whatever) has
other children do it to them also. I can say the way the guy grinned, I
almost felt he enjoyed hearing my pathetic reply to dd. It seemed to me
that maybe this has happened before or maybe all the time Or maybe he has
kids whom don't understand either.

I sometimes hate having to explain to dd why someone else has done something
when I don't know them. (for all I know the tattoo' guy might have been
drunk or at war or his mum did let him or whatever) But I do like that
reply of asking the person himself! I might try it next time to see what dd
says.

Nic

3 1/2 yo girl
11 mo boy

iphigenia wrote:

Bruce and Jeanne wrote:

And sometimes the questions are just hard to answer or even to
understand. The latest one she's asking people is "Why wasn't Mary
known?"

The context on that took me a minute to place, heh.
Does she have any notion of what the Biblical euphemism really means?
Maybe just "because she hadn't gotten married yet."

General question: are Jewish women niddah while pregnant?



Hmmm...I think you're putting too much intellect into my daughter's
question (she's only 6). I think the question DD was asking was
"Why was Mary unknown? No one knew who she was." By the way, this is
coming from a child ignorant in Judeo-Christian doctrine. We (her
parents) don't go to any church. I was not brought in any church/temple
while DH has pretty much rejected his religious upbringing.

Jeanne