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"Emily" wrote in message
...
(((Jamie))) I'm sure you're doing a great job!

I found myself today thinking about how we're doing pretty
well handling both DS1 and DS2 right now and then reminding
myself how it's going ot get harder! Babyhood seemed
really difficult with DS1, but it's just gotten harder in
many ways (and now DS2's babyhood seems easy ... but I'm
betting that his toddlerhood won't, or if it does, it'll
only be because we're taking the advanced course in school
aged kids with DS1).

OTOH, I have to think that each parent has stages that
they are better at than others. Personally, I think I'll
gladly trade the mind-numbing repetition of the preschool
years for some of the more thorny headaches of elementary
school and adolesence. But maybe I should save this message
for the first time I've got DS1 telling me he hates me and
sulking in his room!

Oh, and the purple dinosaur doesn't exist in our house.
To the extent that DS1 has stumbled across him, we've
refused to name him and have maintained that the scares us :-)
Then again, DS1 goes to preschool full time, so it's much
easier to do without much television.


Actually, that was creative license. We don't watch much Barney here at
all. I'm not a fan of it, and luckily, there is always something better on
another channel, so it's easy to avoid. But, it's always something.

Both Taylor and Addie have been sick, so Taylor hasn't been going to
preschool (T-TH 9-12:15), so that's had her home, and Addie in her hair, and
although Addie still is napping (twice a day, thank god!), Taylor isn't, and
dh has been working longer hours this week and not coming home until one or
both of them were already in bed, so Mommy hasn't had ANY breaks at all!

But thanks for the sympathy. Dh had to work on Saturday, but he got to
leave later in the morning than the past week, so I got a little sleep in
time, and then he came home by 3pm, so he got to see the kids during the
day. Then he had today off all together, so I'm feeling much better about
everything!
--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03 -- Who's got the Christmas spirit, singing all day
long, "You put one foot in front of the other, and soon you'll be walking
out the doooo-oooo-ooor!
Addison Grace, 9/30/04 -- My Little Ham, who smiles so big her eyes
disappear and she says, "Cheese" on command. Although it sounds more like
"eeeeeesssshhh"!

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"Workingmom" wrote in message
. ..
They tended to say things like, "I'll never, ever sm*ck my child," or
"I'll never, ever raise my voice", and when things go "wrong" they are
slow to ask for help (or to go on meds), often seeing that as somehow
wrong.

Things tend to change. I believe most of you would say: "I'll never ever
steal in a shop". That's the same way most people here say: "I'll never,
ever sm*ck my child". There's a law against both.

Thirty years ago you could (and did) smack your child, but you can't
anymore.

Interesting to see how a society changes.

Tine, Denmark

You can still swat your child's bottom or smack their hand. These are very
different than stealing. I think you are comparing apples and oranges.

I think her point is that many first time mom's have an idealized vision of
what parenting will be like -- just like they may have idealized what
marriage will be like. They can imagine that they will have all of the
patience in the world, and be able to calmly explain and teach everything to
their child, all without raising their voices. Then reality hits, and
sometimes we lose our patience and are distracted and don't take the time to
explain things to our kids, and just snap at them and say, "Because I said
so!" **** happens. Some days you just do the best you can, and it looks
nothing like the idealized version that you had imagined. And some days are
much better, and everything is right on, and smooth as silk, and it does
match the idealized version that you had imagined, and it makes you want to
cry. And sometimes it's back and forth, hour by hour, minute by minute.
--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03 -- Who's got the Christmas spirit, singing all day
long, "You put one foot in front of the other, and soon you'll be walking
out the doooo-oooo-ooor!
Addison Grace, 9/30/04 -- My Little Ham, who smiles so big her eyes
disappear and she says, "Cheese" on command. Although it sounds more like
"eeeeeesssshhh"!

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Guest
Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and
Password

"Ericka Kammerer" wrote in message
...
Jamie Clark wrote:
"Amy" wrote in message
oups.com...

Amy,
"the toddler years will be a lot easier on me..." "I don't even have
much fear of the teen years..."

I hope you print this out and put it somewhere safe, and then read it
again when your kid(s) are older and you are having a really bad day, and
you can laugh at how naive and optimistic you were. : )

Actually, I don't think that's necessarily true.
Yes, we all get surprises along the way, but I *do* think
that many people have ages and stages that they're better
or worse with than others. I do well with babies and not
so well with 3yos. I'm better again with early elementary,
and then struggle again as they approach pre-teens (so far).
My husband tends to be about the opposite (which is handy ;-)
though we're both struggling with the pre-teen thing. I
know a *lot* of folks post-toddler who say they had a much
easier time with toddlers than infants.
So, while I'm sure that Amy will have some
significant surprises along the way, and at *any* age
we tend to have some bad days where we doubt our abilities
to parent as we hoped we would, she might well find that
toddlers or elementary age kids *are* easier on her than
an infant.

Best wishes,
Ericka

I agree with all of that. My point is that Amy is currently the mother of a
12-16 week old baby, and is predicting that she'll have an easier time with
a toddler or teenage than most. I'm just advocating that she wait until she
gets there, and see how she does. I just think it's a wee bit early and
foolhardy to assume that the toddler years are going to be a snap for her.
A little cocky, perhaps. They don't call them the "terrible twos" for
nothing, do they? And for some kids, they start at 18 months, or don't end
until 3.5. Granted, some toddlers are easy, but even the easy kids can be
hard sometimes.
--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03 -- Who's got the Christmas spirit, singing all day
long, "You put one foot in front of the other, and soon you'll be walking
out the doooo-oooo-ooor!
Addison Grace, 9/30/04 -- My Little Ham, who smiles so big her eyes
disappear and she says, "Cheese" on command. Although it sounds more like
"eeeeeesssshhh"!

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Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and
Password

Amy wrote:

I had EXTREMELY unrealistic expectations about motherhood.

I did, too, before I got pregnant. Then, the
pregnancy from hell occurred, and all my
expectations shattered. Now I spend my time
trying to convince myself that I did *NOT*
cause Pillbug's developmental delay while my
mother keeps calling me and telling me to not
give purees to 7-month-old Rocky because purees
were the reason Pillbug did not learn to chew
and that's why he's not talking today at 2.5
years old.

(Never mind that that makes no sense to me,
or that Pillbug had a very sensitive gag reflex
and rice made him throw up...)

It gets easier when you have the second. With
the first, you still struggle and try to get
things back to normal. With the second, you
give up all hope of ever getting it under control
again.

-- Anita --

Jamie Clark wrote:

I had a few bad days this past week, and called my mom and was
talking to her about it, and I began to cry, saying how some days I
just don't feel like I'm very good at this whole mothering thing. Which
considering the lengths to which I went to become a mother, is
pretty dang upsetting.

This is the part that I struggle with. I get frustrated and/or loose
patience with the kids sometimes just because of what they are doing but the
*worst* times happen when I am mostly frustrated with myself for not being a
good enough mother to figure out what to do. I want nothing more then to be
a good mother, and when things don't go well, when I've done something I
know is not the right thing, when I don't know what to do.....it just feels
so terrible because mothering is the most important thing for me. I want to
feel good at it and it is very upsetting and frustrating when I don't and
even worse when I don't cope with those feelings well, which leads to even
more stupid mother moves ;-)


--
Nikki
Hunter 4/99
Luke 4/01
Thing One and Thing Two :-) EDD 4/06

Jamie Clark wrote:

I agree with all of that. My point is that Amy is currently the mother of a
12-16 week old baby, and is predicting that she'll have an easier time with
a toddler or teenage than most. I'm just advocating that she wait until she
gets there, and see how she does. I just think it's a wee bit early and
foolhardy to assume that the toddler years are going to be a snap for her.
A little cocky, perhaps. They don't call them the "terrible twos" for
nothing, do they? And for some kids, they start at 18 months, or don't end
until 3.5. Granted, some toddlers are easy, but even the easy kids can be
hard sometimes.

Personally, while I wouldn't say the toddler period has been a breeze
(my son is 3.5 now, does that mean the toddler period is done?) it beat
being the mother of my particular 12-week-old baby beat hands down.
Not even close. I found my son's habits as a tiny infant incredibly
tough to deal with (he was a very erratic sleeper and hated to ride in
the car) and while the toddler years had their tough times too, at
least they had some compensations that tiny-infanthood just didn't have
(for me, for me, I know others see it other ways). His infancy was
pretty brutal on me, while his toddlerhood was far from being a snap
but was a lot of fun and pretty rewarding. So from my perspective her
supposition that she'll enjoy the toddler years more sounds plausible,
although obviously not a guaranteed truth.

Beth

"Irrational Number" wrote in message
ink.net...
Amy wrote:

I had EXTREMELY unrealistic expectations about motherhood.

I did, too, before I got pregnant. Then, the
pregnancy from hell occurred, and all my
expectations shattered. Now I spend my time
trying to convince myself that I did *NOT*
cause Pillbug's developmental delay while my
mother keeps calling me and telling me to not
give purees to 7-month-old Rocky because purees
were the reason Pillbug did not learn to chew
and that's why he's not talking today at 2.5
years old.

(Never mind that that makes no sense to me,
or that Pillbug had a very sensitive gag reflex
and rice made him throw up...)


Taylor also had an extremely sensitive gag reflex, which seemed to calm down
around 2.5, and now that's she's 3, life is much better and there is a lot
less puke to deal with ....hmmm, coincidence?

Addie, on the other hand, has a totally normal gag reflex, and can handle
much more textures and tastes of foods than Taylor could at the same age.
Miracle of miracle, it's nice to see what it "should" have been like at this
age!

Ignore your mom's "helpful" advice!
--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03 -- Who's got the Christmas spirit, singing all day
long, "You put one foot in front of the other, and soon you'll be walking
out the doooo-oooo-ooor!
Addison Grace, 9/30/04 -- My Little Ham, who smiles so big her eyes
disappear and she says, "Cheese" on command. Although it sounds more like
"eeeeeesssshhh"!

Check out the family! -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1, Password:
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Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and
Password

Hugs Nikki. : )

--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03 -- Who's got the Christmas spirit, singing all day
long, "You put one foot in front of the other, and soon you'll be walking
out the doooo-oooo-ooor!
Addison Grace, 9/30/04 -- My Little Ham, who smiles so big her eyes
disappear and she says, "Cheese" on command. Although it sounds more like
"eeeeeesssshhh"!

Check out the family! -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1, Password:
Guest
Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and
Password

"Nikki" wrote in message
...
Jamie Clark wrote:

I had a few bad days this past week, and called my mom and was
talking to her about it, and I began to cry, saying how some days I
just don't feel like I'm very good at this whole mothering thing. Which
considering the lengths to which I went to become a mother, is
pretty dang upsetting.

This is the part that I struggle with. I get frustrated and/or loose
patience with the kids sometimes just because of what they are doing but
the *worst* times happen when I am mostly frustrated with myself for not
being a good enough mother to figure out what to do. I want nothing more
then to be a good mother, and when things don't go well, when I've done
something I know is not the right thing, when I don't know what to
do.....it just feels so terrible because mothering is the most important
thing for me. I want to feel good at it and it is very upsetting and
frustrating when I don't and even worse when I don't cope with those
feelings well, which leads to even more stupid mother moves ;-)


--
Nikki
Hunter 4/99
Luke 4/01
Thing One and Thing Two :-) EDD 4/06

Workingmom wrote:
Amy skrev:
or a play. I don't even have much fear of the teen years, to be
honest, because I did everything shocking when I was a teenager, and I
lived, so chances are she won't find anything to shock me (touch wood)
and we'll get through it.

That's exactly what I'm experiencing now. I have a 13 yo girl and she's
hasn't been nearly as bad as I was. Teenage years is a breeze. I mean:
She communicates! I didn't. I just shut up and didn't tell my parents
anything about my life, my friends, my lovers, my thoughts or anything.

And moved out at 15.

Nothing she can do can shock me - yes drugs, but apart from that?


Oh man, I'm terrified of having teenage daughters. While nothing they
do will shock me, it's because I *know* what goes on and I soooo don't
want to deal with it. I don't know how my parents ever did.

In misc.kids.breastfeeding cjra96 wrote:

: Oh man, I'm terrified of having teenage daughters. While nothing they
: do will shock me, it's because I *know* what goes on and I soooo don't
: want to deal with it. I don't know how my parents ever did.

I can only sympathise with this. While my oldest was a sweet and
wonderful person, she was completely uncontrollable, didn't know
what she wanted to do with herself, was a C (and sometimes D) student
throughout high school.

She got into university in the performing arts, and after she flunked
out her senior year and took a bad job 3000 miles from home did she
come to her senses.

The happy ending is that she moved back home, worked her way through
Jr college by waitressing, got a accepted to Mills college, graduated
Summa Cum Laude in Business, and is now working on her MBA.

Still, the years from 14 to 24 were hell!

Larry