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Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's



 
 
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  #121  
Old September 22nd 06, 11:46 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding,misc.kids.pregnancy,misc.kids
Jess
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Posts: 117
Default Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's


"Banty" wrote in message
...
Actually I'm "from" here and just have been poking around on ASSP. I
consider
misc.kids to be my "home group", so to speak. This is my stomping ground.


I "met" you on ASSP first.

Jess


  #122  
Old September 23rd 06, 02:35 AM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding,misc.kids.pregnancy,misc.kids
toto
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Posts: 784
Default Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's

On 22 Sep 2006 14:04:35 -0700, "cjra" wrote:

Definitely. Case in point - I grew up with a mom who cooked everything
from scratch. I learned a lot from her and I also cook most things from
scratch. Compare SIL, whose mom cooked everything from packages. She
doesn't cook, not only that it never occurred to her that you *could*
cook things from scratch. You should have seen her face when we told
her we were making mashed potatoes and she didn't see the box! It's all
about what's in your frame of reference. The mroe you see something,
the more normal it is. I've no doubt my 10 yr old niece will one day
nurse her kids - or at least try to - should she have them, after she
spent so much time with me whilst I was nursing her beloved new cousin.
She was enthralled with it all.


OTOH, my dil's mother cooks everything from scratch, but dil does not
know how to cook, nor does she have much interest in cooking from
scratch. She occasionally tries to do some, but since there are no
recipes to follow, only a mom who knew what to put into things, she
usually ends up bringing home food from her mom's house. She has even
brought food from her mom on the plane from Chicago to New Orleans
(it freezes well, so she can then thaw and reheat it).


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits
  #123  
Old September 23rd 06, 11:40 AM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding,misc.kids.pregnancy,misc.kids
Welches
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Posts: 849
Default Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's


"Rosalie B." wrote in message
...
"Jamie Clark" wrote:

"Rosalie B." wrote in message
. ..
"Jamie Clark" wrote:
Rosalie B. wrote:
"Jamie Clark" wrote:
snip
By not
allowing them into the room if they want, or answering their
questions openly and honestly, you are doing both the boys and the
girls a disservice in terms of teaching them about breastfeeding.
You are missing out on a really good learning opportunity. If kids
don't learn about breastfeeding from their parents, then where do
they learn about it from? A book, when they are about to have a
baby, and their chances of successfully breastfeeding their child
will be severely diminished.

I don't agree. It isn't possible for each child to be enough older
to another child to observe breast feeding in the family. One of
them has to be the youngest. And in my case, although I am the
oldest, my sister is only 2 years younger, so I don't remember
anything about my mom bfing. Ditto with my mom who was only 2
years older than her brother. My mom successfully bf two children,
and my sister (the youngest) and I successfully bf her seven
grandchildren.

Successful breast feeding does NOT depend AT ALL on whether it has
been observed in the family. There are lots of other possibilities
between a book, and familial observation.

I didn't say that anyone who didn't see someone breastfeed would fail.
But
certainly you can see that seeing someone breastfeed on a regular basis
would
HELP increase your chances of successfully breastfeeding later on in
life?
Or if male, would help him be supportive of his future wife's efforts to
breastfeed.

I don't think I would say that. Would you see that seeing someone
cook on a regular basis would help increase the chance that one could
eventually cook if you never tried doing it?


Yes, absolutely. You can learn a lot by watching, including the love and
passion for it.

Well possibly that was a bad example. How about playing the piano?

Yes watching that helps:
#1's got quite a good piano finger positions just from watching dh. If you
compare how she plays around on the piano without instruction to other
friends who haven't watched it is very different.
Try again...
Debbie





  #124  
Old September 23rd 06, 01:43 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding,misc.kids.pregnancy,misc.kids
[email protected]
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Posts: 15
Default Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's

My husband supported me in breastfeeding because he's an intelligent
man who read the facts about it. His mother never breastfed, neither
did his ex. I know my step-sons support me in breastfeeding because
when we discussed it while I was pregnant, we gave them the facts - how
it is healthier for the baby, how the milk changes as the baby changes,
how children who are breastfed are more immune to illness, etc.
Basically we told them it is a very natural, normal thing and that's
why women produce milk. And yes, I got the questions about women who
don't produce milk and if there are babies who don't "like" breastmilk.
But like I said the main reason why they love it is because they're
teenage boys with a touch of selfishness and we told them it was free


I don't think they need to actually see me do it to know it is ok.
They know their father is always around me when I am doing it (he burps
the baby).

As for the ex, I would never let her "run" my household. I know it is
my husband's job to deal with her and he does (I haven't talked to her
in over 2 years). Believe me, do you know how many times we've had to
hear "mom said she can't believe that you..." We tell them that they
live with us and they have to follow our rules. Everyone feels it is
insane that I make the boys take off their shoes when they're in the
house, but it doesn't bother me one bit.

So it is partially because I know it will send her into a fit (even
though it wouldn't really bother her, she'll still turn it around that
I am topless in front of them or something - trust me, she's crazy,
loves drama and lies very naturally). And it is partially because I'd
feel uncomfortable if them or one of their friends saw something. And
it is partially because I know that they would honestly feel a little
uncomfortable. It's not always cut and dry when you're a step-family.

  #125  
Old September 23rd 06, 01:58 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding,misc.kids.pregnancy,misc.kids
bizby40
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Posts: 404
Default Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's


"Welches" wrote in message
news

"Rosalie B." wrote in message
...
"Jamie Clark" wrote:

"Rosalie B." wrote in message
...
"Jamie Clark" wrote:
Rosalie B. wrote:

I don't think I would say that. Would you see that seeing
someone
cook on a regular basis would help increase the chance that one
could
eventually cook if you never tried doing it?

Yes, absolutely. You can learn a lot by watching, including the
love and
passion for it.

Well possibly that was a bad example. How about playing the piano?

Yes watching that helps:
#1's got quite a good piano finger positions just from watching dh.
If you compare how she plays around on the piano without instruction
to other friends who haven't watched it is very different.
Try again...


And again, growing up in a musical family increases the chances that
the kids will take up music one day.

I think this conversation has veered too far off on a tangent. It
seems pretty obvious to me that a child who grows up in an environment
where breastfeeding is the norm is more likely to breastfeed than one
who grows up in an environment where it is not. However, the step-mom
is only one small part of that environment, and her attitude towards
breastfeeding isn't really likely to be the deciding factor in this --
especially since her step-kids are boys. Furthermore, she *does* plan
to breastfeed. They will know this, and if it has any influence at
all, it will be in the pro-breastfeeding direction.

The OP came here wanting to know how she should bring the subject up,
and how she could best handle things so that everyone involved is
comfortable with the situation -- her, the boys, their dad, and even
their mom.

My opinion is that it doesn't require a big "talk" ahead of time.
That doing so will increase the awkwardness factor instead of
decreasing it. And that after the baby comes, she will find a routine
that feels right to her. I, myself, did always tend to go back to the
baby's room to nurse if we had company. It wasn't really a burden for
me, and it felt less awkward than doing it right there. I imagine
that it might be different though since this is not company, but
people living in the same house. Having to drop everything to go hide
every time the baby feeds would seem to grow old really fast. And so
it wouldn't surprise me a bit if she started getting a bit careless --
not going to the bedroom if the boys weren't due home from school or a
bit longer, or if they were outside playing b-ball or whatever. And
that they all slowly ease into being comfortable with the situation.

Zorra


  #126  
Old September 23rd 06, 05:46 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding,misc.kids.pregnancy,misc.kids
Jamie Clark
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Posts: 855
Default Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's

Welches wrote:
"Rosalie B." wrote in message
...
"Jamie Clark" wrote:

"Rosalie B." wrote in message
...
"Jamie Clark" wrote:
Rosalie B. wrote:
"Jamie Clark" wrote:
snip
By not
allowing them into the room if they want, or answering their
questions openly and honestly, you are doing both the boys and
the girls a disservice in terms of teaching them about
breastfeeding. You are missing out on a really good learning
opportunity. If kids don't learn about breastfeeding from
their parents, then where do they learn about it from? A book,
when they are about to have a baby, and their chances of
successfully breastfeeding their child will be severely
diminished.

I don't agree. It isn't possible for each child to be enough
older to another child to observe breast feeding in the family. One
of them has to be the youngest. And in my case, although I
am the oldest, my sister is only 2 years younger, so I don't
remember anything about my mom bfing. Ditto with my mom who
was only 2 years older than her brother. My mom successfully bf
two children, and my sister (the youngest) and I successfully bf
her seven grandchildren.

Successful breast feeding does NOT depend AT ALL on whether it
has been observed in the family. There are lots of other
possibilities between a book, and familial observation.

I didn't say that anyone who didn't see someone breastfeed would
fail. But
certainly you can see that seeing someone breastfeed on a regular
basis would
HELP increase your chances of successfully breastfeeding later on
in life?
Or if male, would help him be supportive of his future wife's
efforts to breastfeed.

I don't think I would say that. Would you see that seeing someone
cook on a regular basis would help increase the chance that one
could eventually cook if you never tried doing it?

Yes, absolutely. You can learn a lot by watching, including the
love and passion for it.

Well possibly that was a bad example. How about playing the piano?

Yes watching that helps:
#1's got quite a good piano finger positions just from watching dh.
If you compare how she plays around on the piano without instruction
to other friends who haven't watched it is very different.
Try again...
Debbie


And it really doesn't matter what example you give, the fact is that being
around breastfeeding mothers on a regular basis would encourage the
non-breastfeeding person (be it a boy or girl, child, teenager or adult) to
come to see that breastfeeding is a normal and good thing, and not sexual.
Later on, that same person would be more likely to attempt to breastfeed
their own child, or be supportive of their spouse breastfeeding their child,
or other people breastfeeding in general.
--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03
Addison Grace, 9/30/04

Check out the family! -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1,
Password: Guest Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up
your own User ID and Password


  #127  
Old September 23rd 06, 06:56 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding,misc.kids.pregnancy,misc.kids
Rosalie B.
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Posts: 984
Default Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's

"Jamie Clark" wrote:
"Welches"
Well possibly that was a bad example. How about playing the piano?

Yes watching that helps:
#1's got quite a good piano finger positions just from watching dh.
If you compare how she plays around on the piano without instruction
to other friends who haven't watched it is very different.
Try again...
Debbie


Yes but the example was meant to be for people that did not have any
opportunity to actually do the skill - could they learn just from
watching? Which I don't think they could.

And it really doesn't matter what example you give, the fact is that being
around breastfeeding mothers on a regular basis would encourage the
non-breastfeeding person (be it a boy or girl, child, teenager or adult) to
come to see that breastfeeding is a normal and good thing, and not sexual.
Later on, that same person would be more likely to attempt to breastfeed
their own child, or be supportive of their spouse breastfeeding their child,
or other people breastfeeding in general.


That is quite true. But you originally asserted that

If kids
don't learn about breastfeeding from their parents, then where do
they learn about it from? A book, when they are about to have a
baby, and their chances of successfully breastfeeding their child
will be severely diminished.


Which indicated to me that you thought that if a child did NOT see
their mother bfing, that a girl would not be successful in bfing and
boys would not be in favor of their wife bfing.

And my contention was that there is a lot of area between 'seeing it
being done' and reading a book.

Incidentally, I quite agree with "Welches"
that

it doesn't require a big "talk" ahead of time.
That doing so will increase the awkwardness factor instead of
decreasing it. And that after the baby comes, she will find a routine
that feels right to her. I, myself, did always tend to go back to the
baby's room to nurse if we had company. It wasn't really a burden for
me, and it felt less awkward than doing it right there. I imagine
that it might be different though since this is not company, but
people living in the same house. Having to drop everything to go hide
every time the baby feeds would seem to grow old really fast


Especially if the baby turns out to be one of those snacking, slow
eating babies who takes a half an hour to feed. I never had one of
them fortunately. Mine attacked with fervor for 10 minutes max, and
then they were full to the top and stopped.


  #128  
Old September 23rd 06, 07:09 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding,misc.kids.pregnancy,misc.kids
cjra
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Posts: 1,015
Default Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's


toto wrote:
On 22 Sep 2006 14:04:35 -0700, "cjra" wrote:

Definitely. Case in point - I grew up with a mom who cooked everything
from scratch. I learned a lot from her and I also cook most things from
scratch. Compare SIL, whose mom cooked everything from packages. She
doesn't cook, not only that it never occurred to her that you *could*
cook things from scratch. You should have seen her face when we told
her we were making mashed potatoes and she didn't see the box! It's all
about what's in your frame of reference. The mroe you see something,
the more normal it is. I've no doubt my 10 yr old niece will one day
nurse her kids - or at least try to - should she have them, after she
spent so much time with me whilst I was nursing her beloved new cousin.
She was enthralled with it all.


OTOH, my dil's mother cooks everything from scratch, but dil does not
know how to cook, nor does she have much interest in cooking from
scratch. She occasionally tries to do some, but since there are no
recipes to follow, only a mom who knew what to put into things, she
usually ends up bringing home food from her mom's house. She has even
brought food from her mom on the plane from Chicago to New Orleans
(it freezes well, so she can then thaw and reheat it).


Sure, knowing it's possible doesn't always translate to doing it.
Perhaps her mother never taught her or she just wasn't interested. (One
of my sisters is like your DIL, tho we all bring tamales home!) But
your DIL *knows* it's possible to cook from scratch, even if she
doesn't know how to do it. She *knows* mashed potatoes can come from
actual potatoes and not a box.

If you never saw someone BF, never knew anyone who BF, never really
heard about people BF (even tho somewhere in your brain surely you knew
what people did in 'the old days'), it may never occur to you it's an
option. This is the most common reason given amongst people in our
community for not BF (the health dept does some indepth work in BF
education among low income communities).

I didn't know *how* to BF until I did it, but because I'd been exposed
to it since youth, it was a very natural thing for me to do.

  #129  
Old September 23rd 06, 07:09 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding,misc.kids.pregnancy,misc.kids
Jamie Clark
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Posts: 855
Default Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's

Rosalie B. wrote:
"Jamie Clark" wrote:
"Welches"
Well possibly that was a bad example. How about playing the piano?

Yes watching that helps:
#1's got quite a good piano finger positions just from watching dh.
If you compare how she plays around on the piano without instruction
to other friends who haven't watched it is very different.
Try again...
Debbie


Yes but the example was meant to be for people that did not have any
opportunity to actually do the skill - could they learn just from
watching? Which I don't think they could.

And it really doesn't matter what example you give, the fact is that
being around breastfeeding mothers on a regular basis would
encourage the non-breastfeeding person (be it a boy or girl, child,
teenager or adult) to come to see that breastfeeding is a normal and
good thing, and not sexual. Later on, that same person would be more
likely to attempt to breastfeed their own child, or be supportive of
their spouse breastfeeding their child, or other people
breastfeeding in general.


That is quite true. But you originally asserted that

If kids
don't learn about breastfeeding from their parents, then where do
they learn about it from? A book, when they are about to have a
baby, and their chances of successfully breastfeeding their child
will be severely diminished.


Which indicated to me that you thought that if a child did NOT see
their mother bfing, that a girl would not be successful in bfing and
boys would not be in favor of their wife bfing.


No, I didn't say that they wouldn't be successful, I said that their CHANCES
of successfully breastfeeding (or being supportive of breastfeeding) would
be diminished. People who have never seen anyone breastfeed, nor been
breastfed themselves can and do successfully breastfeed, and can be
incredibly supportive of breastfeeding. My contention is that people who
are exposed (ha ha) to breastfeeding are likely to have a higher chance at
successfully doing it themselves, or being supportive of it in general. Of
course some of those people may not be successful either, but they likely
still will be supportive of it.

--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03
Addison Grace, 9/30/04

Check out the family! -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1,
Password: Guest Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up
your own User ID and Password


  #130  
Old September 23rd 06, 09:02 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding,misc.kids.pregnancy,misc.kids
hedgehog42
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Posts: 22
Default Need Advice: Breastfeeding with 3 older (13+) stepson's


Rosalie B. wrote:
"Jamie Clark" wrote:
"Welches"
Well possibly that was a bad example. How about playing the piano?

Yes watching that helps:
#1's got quite a good piano finger positions just from watching dh.
If you compare how she plays around on the piano without instruction
to other friends who haven't watched it is very different.
Try again...
Debbie


Yes but the example was meant to be for people that did not have any
opportunity to actually do the skill - could they learn just from
watching? Which I don't think they could.


Rosalie, I still believe you're taking the statement way too literally.


Even if you grow up the oldest of 12 sibs, all of whom were breastfed,
and have 6 dozen younger cousins in the same neighborhood, all of whom
were breastfed, no -- you don't know *just* from watching them feed how
to best arrange a newborn at the breast, what sore nipples are like,
what to do in the event of a nursing strike. It's unlikely mom and
aunts discussed it around you, or, if they did, that you were
interested enough to listen then. You don't necessarily gain technical
knowledge or expertise.

But you still come to breastfeeding with have a huge advantage over
someone whose family didn't breastfeed. You recognize you're not
breaking new ground and you expect to be able to succeed. You've got
support for questions and problems. That's all implied when someone
says "seeing" breastfeeding practiced before you have your first child
increases the likelihood that you'll succeed at breastfeeding.

And it's why La Leche League was founded -- so many women who wanted to
breastfeed *hadn't* grown up "seeing" it, and experienced problems,
coupled with bad advice, that usually led to early weaning and the
women feeling like failures. It's why LLL advises pregnant women to
attend meetings well ahead of their due date -- not just to arm them
with info, but to help demystify and normalize breastfeeding for them.

"Seeing" others breastfeed doesn't guarantee success in any particular
*individual's* own venture, any more than smoking guarantees a
particular individual a death from lung cancer or emphysema. It just
increases the odds -- noticeably.

Lori G.
Milwaukee, WI

 




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