Would like everyone's opinion...

Hi -

I have a friend who does the following with his child, and he claims
to have read all the Parenting magazines and literally calls himself
an "expert" on raising kids (he has one, that is 2 yrs old so far). He
says these things are very common for parents to do, and are safe, and
harmless to a 2 year old.

1. Allows 2 yr old to drink their margaritas, beers, etc. Thinks its
funny/entertaining. Did it in public in front of several other
people.

2. Allows child to drink coffee.

3. Puts child out in Arizona midday sun for 1 to 2 hours per day,
every day. Child constantly has a "Tan".

4. Refused to get any immunizations for the child whatsoever.

5. Allows child to stay up to midnight nearly every night, very often
extending to 2 or 3am, and he sleeps in till noon.

6. Child is allowed to watch "The Hulk" movie. Now child stands in
front of television with literal horror on his face, making viscious
angry facial expressions and growling while squatting. Child is now
hitting other kids, and walks around with Hulk blowup doll smashing
everything. Parents think its "Funny" and harmless.

7. Bring child into smoke filled casino in Las Vegas at 4am, still
awake. Casino owners repeatedly reprimanding parents for bringing
child into casino area. They think casino owners are "dumb".

Thoughts?

"HairlossTalk.com" wrote in message
om...
Hi -

I have a friend who does the following with his child, and he claims
to have read all the Parenting magazines and literally calls himself
an "expert" on raising kids (he has one, that is 2 yrs old so far). He
says these things are very common for parents to do, and are safe, and
harmless to a 2 year old.

1. Allows 2 yr old to drink their margaritas, beers, etc. Thinks its
funny/entertaining. Did it in public in front of several other
people.
Depends how much he is giving the child..... I say a sip of beer never
hurt anyone....but margaritas and other liquor based drinks are harsher, and
IMO I would say that it owuld be best not to give a child vodka, rum, gin
etc. Again are the getting a whole glass..... two or three sips or what
quantity ? There is no harm in having them try it. I am a firm beleiver
that it is better to give them a drink at home then to have them go out
behind your back and not know how to handle it when the time comes. On the
other hand I don't think it is right for them to be laughing and joking
about it....alcohol consumption is a serious deal and they shold not joke
about it.


2. Allows child to drink coffee.
I know many young children who like coffee...not really good for them but
neither is pop and most kids in society today are drinking that. My
daughter enjoys tea and she is 6 years old. It was my doctor who
recommended I try to give her peppermint tea when she was 4-5 yrs old (
helps with constipation).

3. Puts child out in Arizona midday sun for 1 to 2 hours per day,
every day. Child constantly has a "Tan".
While fresh air is good, I don't live in Arizona so not sure about exact
temps...but I know it gets hot there. Should be applying sun tan lotion 20
min. - 1/2 hr before they go out. It is otherwise not harmful to be
outside for 2 hours a day, fresh air makes you sleep well at night. I
would be best not to be out during the hottest part of the day.

4. Refused to get any immunizations for the child whatsoever.
I am in Canada so not sure as far as what is covered in your state, if they
can't afford them that is fine, not everyone can afford to get them, if they
are covered, then they should be getting them....but it is up to the parent
in the end. He may have to change his mind about that in time...In Ontario
a child can't enter school until all immunizations are up to date.

5. Allows child to stay up to midnight nearly every night, very often
extending to 2 or 3am, and he sleeps in till noon.

This will have to change when the child starts school. It would be best if
they had a routine.... but again not something you can do for them. The
child is getting the sleep she needs..but they will have lots of trouble
chaning her back to go to bed earlier...they will find out in time what they
have done wrong...nothing you can do about it.


6. Child is allowed to watch "The Hulk" movie. Now child stands in
front of television with literal horror on his face, making viscious
angry facial expressions and growling while squatting. Child is now
hitting other kids, and walks around with Hulk blowup doll smashing
everything. Parents think its "Funny" and harmless.

It is not funny and harmless if she/ he is hurting himslef or others.....
parents will regret this when child enters school.


7. Bring child into smoke filled casino in Las Vegas at 4am, still
awake. Casino owners repeatedly reprimanding parents for bringing
child into casino area. They think casino owners are "dumb".

I don't know why they let them in...children are not allowed in
casino's....... the owners should be laying down the law !! Again no
something within your control
Thoughts?

Although you are concerned and do not agree with what they are doing they
are the parents of this child not you and you can therefore not do anything
other then advise them if they ask....otherwise as another posted said butt
out...everyone raises their children differently and from what you have
spoken of the child is not in harm, not being abused, and is getting feed
and sleep as needed. You can report them if you see something that they are
doing to hurt, injure or neglecte this child, but otherwise..... it's really
not your business.... you are only entitled to your opinion.

Karen

"Nan"
I have a friend who does the following with his child, and he claims
to have read all the Parenting magazines and literally calls himself
an "expert" on raising kids (he has one, that is 2 yrs old so far). He
says these things are very common for parents to do, and are safe, and
harmless to a 2 year old.

I'm guessing you didn't like not getting the responses in
misc.kids.pregnancy that didn't agree totally with your position??

snip examples of behavior you have a problem with

Thoughts?

My thoughts are unless you can see that your friends are
endangering/neglecting/abusing their child in some way that you can
call the authorities on, you should probably butt out.

Yup, I agree, well said


Nic


Nan

In article ,
(HairlossTalk.com) wrote:

Hi -

I have a friend who does the following with his child, and he claims
to have read all the Parenting magazines and literally calls himself
an "expert" on raising kids (he has one, that is 2 yrs old so far). He
says these things are very common for parents to do, and are safe, and
harmless to a 2 year old.

1. Allows 2 yr old to drink their margaritas, beers, etc. Thinks its
funny/entertaining. Did it in public in front of several other
people.

Unless they are getting the child drunk, I don't have a serious problem
with this. In many families, it is common for children to be allowed to
taste what their parents are drinking.


2. Allows child to drink coffee.

Again, so what? Lots of kids this age drink soda with caffeine, and
while I didn't do it myself, I don't think it's a serious problem,
either. My SIL is Norwegian, and she started drinking coffee (about
half milk and sugar and half coffee) at a pretty young age.


3. Puts child out in Arizona midday sun for 1 to 2 hours per day,
every day. Child constantly has a "Tan".

I know what the experts are saying. However, a tan is some protection
against burns, and a sunburn is definately dangerous. My kids were
usually pretty tanned all summer; if the child isn't getting burned, I
wouldn't worry about it.

4. Refused to get any immunizations for the child whatsoever.

Immunization is controversial. Many families don't get their kids
immunized, or wait until they are much older than is recommended.


5. Allows child to stay up to midnight nearly every night, very often
extending to 2 or 3am, and he sleeps in till noon.

As long as a child is getting enough sleep, exactly when they get it is
pretty irrelevant. When they start school (if they go to school,
instead of being home schooled) they will have to adjust their
schedules, but that's not a big deal.


6. Child is allowed to watch "The Hulk" movie. Now child stands in
front of television with literal horror on his face, making viscious
angry facial expressions and growling while squatting. Child is now
hitting other kids, and walks around with Hulk blowup doll smashing
everything. Parents think its "Funny" and harmless.

Hitting other kids is a problem, but a common one at this age -- even
among kids who don't watch ANY TV or movies.


7. Bring child into smoke filled casino in Las Vegas at 4am, still
awake. Casino owners repeatedly reprimanding parents for bringing
child into casino area. They think casino owners are "dumb".

This is about the only one I might have a problem with, especially if
the parents aren't providing adequate supervision -- and if they are in
casinos at 4am, they are probably focused on things other than their
child.

But this is the casino owner's problem; if children shouldn't be there,
they need to deal with it.

Do they live in Las Vegas? Does this come up very often?

meh

Thoughts?
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

(HairlossTalk.com) wrote in message . com...
Hi -

I have a friend who does the following with his child, and he claims
to have read all the Parenting magazines and literally calls himself
an "expert" on raising kids (he has one, that is 2 yrs old so far). He
says these things are very common for parents to do, and are safe, and
harmless to a 2 year old.

Which bothers you mo that he's raising his child this way or that
he claims to be an expert? Sounds like maybe he's a bit arrogant and
perhaps you've butted in where you're not wanted and he's made that
clear.

Otherwise, how does the way your pal raises his kid directly affect
you? My 3 children have good friends that are raised in ways I don't
always agree with. Even those close friendships don't affect the way
my own children are raised.

There are some things here that I might not agree with, but all in
all...nothing really jumps out as horrfying unless you're not telling
us everything.

1. Allows 2 yr old to drink their margaritas, beers, etc. Thinks its
funny/entertaining. Did it in public in front of several other
people.

My kids have all sipped my wine or beer. None have really liked it. I
suppose that might be different if it were a sweet mixed drink. But
anyway, you don't say if this kid is merely taking a little sip or
getting fall-down drunk. One is probably okay, the other isn't too
good for anyone, adult or child...

2. Allows child to drink coffee.

I was drinking coffee when I was 8. My oldest - now 8 - won't have
anything to do with it or sodas. He doesn't like sweets. My middle and
youngest children, ages 5 and 3, like sodas and sweet coffee-based
drinks. But they don't get them that often and we do try to steer them
away from caffeinated versions.

But every once in a while...eh, I can't get too bent out of shape
about that. Is this kid crabbing about his first cup o' java in the
morning or what?

"Jeeze mom, where the hell is my coffee? And who moved my cigarettes?!
Damn..."

Does he need that coffee to recover from his hangover?

3. Puts child out in Arizona midday sun for 1 to 2 hours per day,
every day. Child constantly has a "Tan".

I burn. I burn like thin white paper even after I get a tan, which I
don't get. My kids got a better roll of the genetic dice and they
don't burn. A couple of unprotected hours a day in the Arizona sun
would be a nasty, painful, blistering experience for me. Probably not
so bad for my kids (and my olive-skinned, never-has-burned, husband.)
But even my kids and husband use sunscreen.

I think the biggest problem here will come in about 15-20 years when
the kid realizes that all that sun has made him look like an old
leather shoe. "Maaah-aaahm! I look twenty years older! Why didn't you
use sunscreen on me!?"

4. Refused to get any immunizations for the child whatsoever.

Lifestyle choice some folks make.

5. Allows child to stay up to midnight nearly every night, very often
extending to 2 or 3am, and he sleeps in till noon.

Lifestyle choice some folks make.

6. Child is allowed to watch "The Hulk" movie. Now child stands in
front of television with literal horror on his face, making viscious
angry facial expressions and growling while squatting. Child is now
hitting other kids, and walks around with Hulk blowup doll smashing
everything. Parents think its "Funny" and harmless.

If he's smashing your crystal, you should say something. If he's
smashing his own toys, whatever. Not your problem.

My kids watch all manner of movies, some are (*gasp*) rated PG-13!
They also act them out. They also know better than to break furniture
and even their own toys in that acting out. But that's me and our
family.

7. Bring child into smoke filled casino in Las Vegas at 4am, still
awake. Casino owners repeatedly reprimanding parents for bringing
child into casino area. They think casino owners are "dumb".

I wouldn't take my child into a casino after the owners had said
something. Well, I don't go into smoke filled casinos myself. Though I
have taken my kids to bars, bowling alleys, greasy diners and oddball
Mardi Gras celebrations. And we've been known to stay up past *my*
bedtime on occasion.

Sounds like these folks live a different lifestyle than you do and
have chosen to do some things with their kids that you wouldn't
choose. Most of this stuff is kind of dumb, but that's all.

If your friend (and tell us why he's your friend if you disagree about
some basic lifestyle choices?) were letting his kid rattle around
loose in the car with no restraint and claiming some sort of expertise
in dynamic automotive engineering, that's one thing. This list of
not-so-smart issues is another.

- Bev

Allowing a child to do these things is only a problem waiting to grow. If a
parent is that lenient with a child and allows the child to do these things,
the child will soon learn that he is in control. Some these situations could
also be considered questionable by the Department of Human Services. Perhaps
you should let this agency talk to the parents and explain what parents do and
offer to help them with finding a parenting class. I work in a day care and
can tell children who are disciplined and have schedules, etc. This family is
waiting for future problems which will begin sooner, than later.