preterm labor vent

I had a preemie last time. My told me I'm at risk of having another
preemie. My midwife went further and said I'm at risk of preterm labor and
problems are likely to start earlier this time, like 24 weeks instead of 28
weeks. She also told me my cervix feels short. I'm having it measured by
u/s. A quick Google shows that a short cervix can also increase risk of
premature delivery. I also have a part-time job that requires lots of
standing. Last time, I was working overtime at my job, this time, it's
less.

Okay, so DH told me last night that if I went into preterm labor at 21
weeks, we would not try to stop it. We hadn't even discussed it. He had
made up his mind what I was going to do. I was really upset. I could
understand if it was due to genetic problems that the pregnancy wasn't
viable. Then, I would think it wasn't meant to be, but these problems I
seem to have would be due to my own body and nothing wrong with the baby. I
want to stop labor if at all possible. DH said last time he would not want
to save a 21 week preemie, either. So, basically, he's saying we'd lose the
baby. Over my dead body. If after attempting to stop labor, I still had
the baby, we could make our decisions then. In all reality, I don't think
they survive much at that age, and then I don't think they do so without
lingering health issues. But, I can't believe he wants to give up all hope
without trying anything, not even stopping the labor?

I don't think men, in general, can bond with babies like women can when the
babies are in utero. They don't feel the hormones, they don't feel the baby
move much. But still, this line of reasoning so irks me. Am I just being
hormonal or does DH have a point?

I think it was really insensitive for your DH to make a comment like that.
Is he one of those type of people that see the worst side of things? I
toured the NICU at our hospital this past Wednesday and saw what babies
looked like when they were 27-28 wks. They were tiny and at risk for all
sorts of medical problems. I would think your husband would want to do the
very most he and you can to keep your baby as long as you can. Or maybe he
is reliving everything you went through last time and doesn't want to put
you through that again (or even have himself go through that.)

Tell me, has your doc ever suggested that you get a circlage? It's a stitch
they put in your cervix to keep it closed. I would think that you would be
a prime candidate for it if they are even suggesting that your cervix will
fail at 24 weeks. Ask your doc. If you are still talking about your 21 wk,
you still have time to get this stitch. . . maybe you should consider
quitting your job, having your job augmented for your problem, or just going
to shorter days.

Just some thoughts.

Gayle

"toypup" wrote in message
...
I had a preemie last time. My told me I'm at risk of having another
preemie. My midwife went further and said I'm at risk of preterm labor
and
problems are likely to start earlier this time, like 24 weeks instead of
28
weeks. She also told me my cervix feels short. I'm having it measured by
u/s. A quick Google shows that a short cervix can also increase risk of
premature delivery. I also have a part-time job that requires lots of
standing. Last time, I was working overtime at my job, this time, it's
less.

Okay, so DH told me last night that if I went into preterm labor at 21
weeks, we would not try to stop it. We hadn't even discussed it. He had
made up his mind what I was going to do. I was really upset. I could
understand if it was due to genetic problems that the pregnancy wasn't
viable. Then, I would think it wasn't meant to be, but these problems I
seem to have would be due to my own body and nothing wrong with the baby.
I
want to stop labor if at all possible. DH said last time he would not
want
to save a 21 week preemie, either. So, basically, he's saying we'd lose
the
baby. Over my dead body. If after attempting to stop labor, I still had
the baby, we could make our decisions then. In all reality, I don't think
they survive much at that age, and then I don't think they do so without
lingering health issues. But, I can't believe he wants to give up all
hope
without trying anything, not even stopping the labor?

I don't think men, in general, can bond with babies like women can when
the
babies are in utero. They don't feel the hormones, they don't feel the
baby
move much. But still, this line of reasoning so irks me. Am I just being
hormonal or does DH have a point?

On Sat, 16 Aug 2003 21:25:54 GMT, "toypup" wrote:

Am I just being
hormonal or does DH have a point?

I am hormonal too, so I don't know.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{toypup}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

It sounds like you need a hug.

--
Daye
Momma to Jayan
EDD 11 Jan 2004

"toypup" wrote in message
...
I had a preemie last time. My told me I'm at risk of having another
preemie. My midwife went further and said I'm at risk of preterm labor
and
problems are likely to start earlier this time, like 24 weeks instead of
28
weeks. She also told me my cervix feels short. I'm having it measured by
u/s. A quick Google shows that a short cervix can also increase risk of
premature delivery. I also have a part-time job that requires lots of
standing. Last time, I was working overtime at my job, this time, it's
less.

Okay, so DH told me last night that if I went into preterm labor at 21
weeks, we would not try to stop it. We hadn't even discussed it. He had
made up his mind what I was going to do. I was really upset. I could
understand if it was due to genetic problems that the pregnancy wasn't
viable. Then, I would think it wasn't meant to be, but these problems I
seem to have would be due to my own body and nothing wrong with the baby.
I
want to stop labor if at all possible. DH said last time he would not
want
to save a 21 week preemie, either. So, basically, he's saying we'd lose
the
baby. Over my dead body. If after attempting to stop labor, I still had
the baby, we could make our decisions then. In all reality, I don't think
they survive much at that age, and then I don't think they do so without
lingering health issues. But, I can't believe he wants to give up all
hope
without trying anything, not even stopping the labor?

I don't think men, in general, can bond with babies like women can when
the
babies are in utero. They don't feel the hormones, they don't feel the
baby
move much. But still, this line of reasoning so irks me. Am I just being
hormonal or does DH have a point?



Well for a start your husband should have discussed this with you before
making a sweeping statement like that. It's a really tough decision. My
brother was born at 28 weeks nearly 25 years ago. At the time he was one of
the youngest and smallest babies to survive.

He had loads of problems, to this day he is deaf, and slow and very small.
He has a hard time, he can't drive, find a job or a girlfriend, he will
probably never move out of my parents home.

However he still manages to be largely happy. We all love him like crazy and
he has a passion (ten pin bowling) that gets him out of bed when things are
hard.

If it were me I don't think I'd want to save a baby as young as 21 weeks but
if it was even a few weeks later I think I probably would. It depends on a
lot, how far along you get to, how strong the baby is, how optimistic the
doctor is, what (if any) problems the baby has.

If it were me I would talk to my husband and doctor about ways to prevent
pre-term labor, like a cervical stitch, staying off your feet, perhaps
giving up the job. If you did have the baby very early you can cross that
bridge when you come to it.

Good Luck for a LONG and healthy pregnancy

Judy

toypup wrote in message
...
Okay, so DH told me last night that if I went into preterm labor
at 21 weeks, we would not try to stop it. snip

But still, this line of reasoning so irks me. Am I just being
hormonal or does DH have a point?

I don't agree with your DH at all. It doesn't make any sense to me
either, so you're not just being hormonal. Why would you not try to
stop labor at 21 weeks? If it didn't work, you'd be in the same
position as he proposes to be -- the baby would be born. If it did
work, then the pregnancy would continue and the baby wouldn't have the
problems that being born at 21 weeks would cause. So, where is the
downside to attempting to stop labor?? I also agree with everyone who
wonders why your DH is *telling* you this, rather than discussing it.
If he said it was his opinion, that's one thing, but telling you what to
do is not OK, IMHO.
--
Cheryl S.
Mom to Julie, 2 yr., 4 mo.
And a boy, EDD 4.Sept

Cleaning the house while your children are small is like
shoveling the sidewalk while it's still snowing.

I also do not agree with your husband. I had 3 preemies, 1 at 34w, one
at 37, one at 35. I had preterm labor with the last 2 and had great
success with medication and bedrest. Even my smallest, 4lbs 6 ozs. had
no complications. I went into pre-term labor at 20 w with this twin
pregnancy. I've been on meds and bedrest. My cervix is dialated with no
length. I'm now 29w 3d. Babies are 3lbs with a excellent chance of
survival. Mind you, I was told if they were born before 24w they would
not be considered viable. At 24w they had a 40-60% chance, at 28 w a 95%
survival. I also had steroids at 24w to help the lungs to mature. The
key is doing everything in your power to keep the baby in as long as
possible. If the baby does come early, I think it depends on many
factors as to how much intervention you wish for the baby to receive.
There are many "miracle babies" born who survive against all odds as
well have quality to their lives. Others don't even fare well even at
full term. Statistics are only numbers. Go with your heart. I'm still
prepared for the worse, and praying for the best. I've never allowed
myself to be disallusioned or in denial of the possible problems. I
think this has helped me to have a more relaxed attitude throughout. I
do agree in asking for a stitch in the cervix. I wish my Drs. would have
done that with my history and carrying twins. I would most likely still
be in the position I am now, but at least my cervix would be closed.
Best wishes and prayers to you.
Kim, 29w 3d Twin Girls

I think you are absolutely right about trying anything to stop labor. After
all this is a person living inside you. It isn't like losing your favorite
shirt, there's nothing oh well about it. Sorry if this offends you but i
cant believe someone could be so cold as your husband. Some men are able to
bond with babies unborn some aren't but they still should know the
difference between right and wrong. To me if you are aware what preterm
labor is and that you are having it and you do nothing and the baby dies
that is killing the baby. Maybe your husband is really upset or scared.
Maybe he needs some counseling or someone other then you(sometimes easier to
talk to a stranger) to talk to. If i was in your shoes I would suggest
counseling to my husband to help him, and i wouldn't listen to the don't
stop it i would no matter what, born or unborn my kids come before anyone.

Maybe you should quit your job or take some time off till baby is born and
you are ready to go back to work and don't let things stress you out too
much. Try to remain calm and patient with your DH or you may cause yourself
to go into preterm labor. Relax as much as you can, spend some time alone
doing something you really enjoy everyday to help keep stress levels down
and keep you relaxed.

Good Luck! Hope everything is well!
Shannon
36 weeks

"Nina" wrote in message
et...
If I were to have a 21 week preemie, I probably wouldnt fight to hard to
save it either.

I don't think I'd try to save a 21 week preemie, but I don't want to say
that for fear I'd change my mind. What I would want to do, which DH is
already against, is to take measures to stop labor which begins so early.
He would just let nature take its course the whole way.

"Kereru" wrote in message
...
If it were me I would talk to my husband and doctor about ways to prevent
pre-term labor, like a cervical stitch, staying off your feet, perhaps
giving up the job. If you did have the baby very early you can cross that
bridge when you come to it.

See, that's it. I'd most likely let things go if I delivered at 21 weeks,
but I would want to prevent it with a cerclage or something, if possible.

toypup wrote:


Okay, so DH told me last night that if I went into preterm labor at 21
weeks, we would not try to stop it. We hadn't even discussed it. He had
made up his mind what I was going to do. I was really upset. I could
understand if it was due to genetic problems that the pregnancy wasn't
viable. Then, I would think it wasn't meant to be, but these problems I
seem to have would be due to my own body and nothing wrong with the baby. I
want to stop labor if at all possible. DH said last time he would not want
to save a 21 week preemie, either. So, basically, he's saying we'd lose the
baby. Over my dead body. If after attempting to stop labor, I still had
the baby, we could make our decisions then. In all reality, I don't think
they survive much at that age, and then I don't think they do so without
lingering health issues. But, I can't believe he wants to give up all hope
without trying anything, not even stopping the labor?


I think those are two very different issues. I don't know
much about the risks and benefits and efficacy of attempting to
stop preterm labor by various means, but if there were methods
that had acceptable risks and some chance of being able to
stop the labor, *personally* I would definitely try to stop
the labor. When it comes to whether to use heroic efforts to
attempt to prolong life at that gestational age, I think that's
a very personal decision and I certainly have sympathy for
someone who is willing to let nature take its course there,
depending on the particular situation.

Best wishes,
Ericka