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VENT - Why do people make things difficult?



 
 
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  #101  
Old March 20th 05, 06:26 AM
Barbara
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SNIP
In addition, the OP does *not* know whether any of these parents had


been making other contributions. For instance, when each of my kids
left playgroup, I gave a moderately generous cheque to the playgroup
as a thank you, but I didn't discuss it with any of the other

parents.
When one of my kids left, some of the other parents organised a

similar
photo event, and asked for a similar amount of money: I might have

seemed
stingy by not upping my contribution (I'm sure some of the other

parents
would have done), but that was because I had made another seperate
contribution, and I certainly was *not* going to discuss it with the


particular group of photo organisers.


This is the position I often find myself in. I want to give

something
individually, then some group gift gets organized. I give something
individually anyway, then either avoid the group gift if I can

gracefully, or
just give the minimum. I've tried explaining that I'm giving an

individual
gift, and I either get a blank stare or sort of a hurt look. So if

I'm cornered
I give the min.

Truth be told, I'm not crazy about group gifts - especially one

that's arranged,
like, from all the moms in the classroom, and I only know one or two

of the
other moms in the classroom.

Banty


I generally DO like group gifts. The problem is those rare occasions
on which I do not want to contribute because I genuinely do *not*
appreciate the person. This happened to us at the end of one school
year. A nice and enthusiastic parent asked us to contribute $X for a
gift, and provide a page for a book, put together by Child and Parent,
about the legacy of the year. I would gladly have done up a page about
the years that it will take to undo the damage that the teacher did to
One, together with a border proclaiming *free at last,* but it seemed,
somehow, in poor taste. So I politely explained that I did not care to
participate. I have no idea how the card was handled.

I know Scouting is different from school, as the girls could have left
if the leaders were truly awful. But is it possible that the less than
enthusiastic response is a reflection of the lack of enthusiasm about
the leaders?

Barbara

  #102  
Old March 20th 05, 08:48 AM
Barbara Bomberger
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On Sat, 19 Mar 2005 16:54:26 -0500, "bizby40"
wrote:

Okay guys, I should have realized that posting this here would only start a
firestorm that would end up making me feel worse about things!

First, about the amount. As I said, I wasn't originally going to come up
with an amount. To *me*, $10 was a *very* small amount -- especially
considering the large amount of time and effort these women have put into
doing this for our children. If it had been for one person instead of two,
I probably would have said $5. Now I see that an awful lot of people think
that $10 is way too much -- is extortion and so forth. What do I do at this
point? Do I send out an apology to people? Do I lower the amount and issue
refunds to those who have contributed? What do I do?


I dont think that ten dollars is too much per se. Unfortunately,
having experience in this a bit, I think you have to get the money
first, as well as talking about the momey first\.

As far as what you do, I would suggest giving the gift which sounds
beautiful, saying it was from "all of us", or whatever wording you
want. assuming that parents are there at this time, you may very well
get some people coming up afterwards giving a contribution or saying
"how much do I owe you"

Second, about the gift chosen. Again, I'm sorry if I picked something
stupid. I asked for ideas and help and no one stepped up. I almost just
dropped the whole thing after that, except 2 or 3 people asked about it --
"Have you decided what we're doing yet?" and I figured I'd gotten myself
committed so I needed to come through with something.


I dont think its stupid. I think it sounds like a lovely gift

Third, about including all the girls. You don't have to worry about this
one -- I never considered leaving any of them out.

no, you didnt. I was responding to someone else (Ann perhaps), who as
I understood it wanted only the children whose parents had contributed
to be a part of the gift.

I do have one question. Who exactly is going to be stepping up to
the plate so that these girls can continue in scouting?

They certainly deserve an aknowledgement at this ceremony as well

Bizby


  #103  
Old March 20th 05, 03:11 PM
Sue
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Truth be told, I'm not crazy about group gifts - especially one that's
arranged,
like, from all the moms in the classroom, and I only know one or two of

the
other moms in the classroom.

Banty


I tend to be the opposite. I like group gifts and especially ones that
someone else is organizing. ;o) It makes it easier for me to just give them
the money instead of worrying about what to get and getting the gift.

--
Sue (mom to three girls)


  #104  
Old March 20th 05, 03:19 PM
Sue
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"Banty" wrote in message
If it's a lunch-group person who is persistently that way, leave him or

her out.
Although, I don't recall ever having had that problem - someone figures it

up
and divides it and announces the individual cost. If someone gets picky

about
'my dessert was cheaper than your drink' or always really loads on,

usually
makes everyone else uncomfortable enough about the arrangement to either

just
stop if or organize a different cast of characters.


I guess you're lucky. My husband has this problem just about everyday when
he goes to lunch with people at work. They only leave enough for their lunch
and never enough for a tip. It's not that easy to just say that can't join
them for lunch. Hubby doesn't make an issue out of it and usually ends up
paying more, but it is quite annoying for him especially since he feels that
the wait staff needs the tip.
--
Sue (mom to three girls)


  #105  
Old March 20th 05, 03:33 PM
Sue
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"bizby40" wrote in message
...
Okay guys, I should have realized that posting this here would only start

a
firestorm that would end up making me feel worse about things!


LOL, well that's usenet for you. I thought the discussion was a good one. I
don't think anyone was being mean, just offering alternative suggestions for
next time.

First, about the amount. As I said, I wasn't originally going to come up
with an amount. To *me*, $10 was a *very* small amount -- especially
considering the large amount of time and effort these women have put into
doing this for our children. If it had been for one person instead of

two,
I probably would have said $5. Now I see that an awful lot of people

think
that $10 is way too much -- is extortion and so forth.


It is *not* a lot of money. It might have been if the parent has been asked
4-5 times that week to contribute to something else for the school. You
never know what was going through the parent's mind at the time you asked.
Our leaders do have to keep reminding us parents about deadlines. It's not
right, but we parents do sometimes have a lot going at the same time. I am
very bad for it and I know it can be annoying for our leaders. I try to do
the best I can and apologize many times if I am late.

What do I do at this point?


I still don't see why sending home a note in each of the scouts backpack to
remind the parent is a big deal. That is how our scout leader handles
things. Although, many of us use the email and respond so that is the other
option she uses. I would at this point, use the money that you already have
and go from there.

Do I send out an apology to people? Do I lower the amount and issue
refunds to those who have contributed? What do I do?


No, just go with what you planned and be done with it.

Second, about the gift chosen. Again, I'm sorry if I picked something
stupid. I asked for ideas and help and no one stepped up. I almost just
dropped the whole thing after that, except 2 or 3 people asked about it --
"Have you decided what we're doing yet?" and I figured I'd gotten myself
committed so I needed to come through with something.


I personally thought it was a great idea.

Finally, about tact. I apologize Rosalie if you find me abrasive. I

don't
try to be, and knowing that I can come across that way is one reason I

stay
off the phone. My shyness often makes what I say come out sounding weird

or
strange.


I don't find you abrasive. I definitely can relate to being shy and saying
things that does not come out right. I have been a victim of that many times
on usenet.
--
Sue (mom to three girls)


  #106  
Old March 20th 05, 03:36 PM
Sue
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"dragonlady" wrote in message
On the other hand, if you give the gift at some formal event where the
other parents are, and give it "from everyone", I can pretty much
guarantee that some folks who haven't yet contributed will come up to
you afterwards and offer you $$ to cover their share.


Yep, that happens a lot at some of our end of the year parties. The parents
suddenly realize that they didn't contribute and will give at the end when
they realize their mistake. That's why including all of the troop would be
needed (but I know that you are doing that).
--
Sue (mom to three girls)


  #107  
Old March 20th 05, 04:46 PM
shinypenny
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bizby40 wrote:
Second, about the gift chosen. Again, I'm sorry if I picked

something
stupid.


Oops, that was me I guess. I think I'm the only one that made a comment
about the choice of gift, so I wouldn't worry about what I said. I'm
sure the scout leaders will love it - my comment really said more about
*me* than your taste in gifts! I was really just offhandedly musing to
myself how I happen to be the unsentimental type.

I wish I was more sentimental. I mean, I know that mom's are supposed
to adore the hand-made cards and gifts the kids give for bdays, xmas,
etc, but often I find myself silently grumbling, wishing they'd given
me something else instead of the nth ashtray or "I heart mom" coffee
cup or hand-knitted scarf that isn't a color I'd be caught wearing
(like hot pink), or crocheted pot holder that burns my hand, or
whatever. Call me a grouch and a scrooge!

They are getting better, however. This xmas DD10 gave me a bag of
votive candles purchased with her allowance from the drugstore - that
was quite thoughtful and very useful. Meanwhile, DD12 gave me a single
Lush bath bomb, and I loved that.

jen

  #108  
Old March 20th 05, 04:54 PM
toto
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On 19 Mar 2005 21:26:35 -0800, "Barbara"
wrote:

I know Scouting is different from school, as the girls could have left
if the leaders were truly awful. But is it possible that the less than
enthusiastic response is a reflection of the lack of enthusiasm about
the leaders?


Would you keep your children in an activity with the same leaders for
5 years if the leaders were not good?


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits
  #109  
Old March 20th 05, 05:03 PM
toto
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On Sun, 20 Mar 2005 08:48:20 +0100, Barbara Bomberger
wrote:

I do have one question. Who exactly is going to be stepping up to
the plate so that these girls can continue in scouting?


Might be no one. Might be that the girls have decided they are too
old for scouting. Many girls drop out after 5th grade because middle
schoolers don't think scouting is *cool.* Note, btw, middle school
is when the really *cool* stuff starts. My dd stayed in scouts though
it meant a year of being a scout at large and waiting to get into a
troop that was city wide for middle schoolers. That was when a lot
of the great trips started. They went to a college art fair event,
they went to the Indiana Dunes, they went cross country skiing, they
went downhill skiing, etc. And, between 9th and 10th grade she
went on a *wider opportunity* to Europe with another troop. The
jamborees are all over the country and even the kids who cannot
afford these trips because parents can't pay *can* get to go as there
are lots of scholarships that will make up the difference between
what the girl can come up with from parents (and cookie sales).


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits
  #110  
Old March 20th 05, 06:31 PM
bizby40
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"Barbara" wrote in message
oups.com...
[snip]
I know Scouting is different from school, as the girls could have left
if the leaders were truly awful. But is it possible that the less than
enthusiastic response is a reflection of the lack of enthusiasm about
the leaders?

Barbara


I very truly don't think so. Out of 26 girls in the 4th grade, 23 are a
member of this troop. Only one girl has ever withdrawn from the
troop. Her mom said it was because she was overcommitted with
sports. In fact, every year, 2 or 3 new girls have joined. These
women have done a phenomenal job. And though I truly appreciate
the effort they've put in, and I think they are great people, neither
is a personal friend of mine, so I'm not particularly biased about it.

Bizby


 




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