VENT - Why do people make things difficult?

On 17 Mar 2005 16:04:18 -0800, "Caledonia"
wrote:

Rosalie B. wrote:
Anne fazbeta at free dot fr wrote:

On Wed, 16 Mar 2005 14:33:28 -0500, "bizby40"
wrote:

"How much should we donate?"

"Oh, I don't know, how about $10"

"$10 is too much!"

If I were really sure than $10 won't make a real difference for
them,
I would answer something like "oh, I didn't know that you have some
money problems. Don't worry, give what you can and I will put the
remaining for you".

Anne ;-)

I would not do that. It isn't really kind to rub it in that you are
better off than they are, and that you know that they are poor.


grandma Rosalie

I second this. At the end of the calendar year, we allocate an amount
we're donating for the year to the schools (PTA, the public school
itself, and the 2 activities each kid is in). We then write what is,
for us, relatively hefty checks, then I'm done. Our eldest is also
encouraged to pick a local charity (usually 1 of the 3 our school
solicits for), and then we make a donation to them. I can't stand to be
hit up for a zillion requests during the year (okay, only about 20 per
kid: giftwrap, auctions, cookies, retirement, canned goods, mittens,
winter coat fund, PTA fundraising, school supply fundraising, seasonal
events for fall/winter/spring/summer, tupperware sales, the annual
fund, the emergency fund, the backpack drive, bus driver appreciation,
et cetera). I feel we're tremendously lucky that $10 is not a
make-or-break amount, but the seemingly daily solicitations from
groups/charities make me crazy.

In this case it is not charity, I hate as well to be obligated to give
to a charity, I prefer to choose to whom I give.
It was a thank you gift for which they commit to participate and if I
believe the OP, they are wealthy enough to not have to count on $10.
If I know somebody wealthy, who let me pay the share that he commit to
pay, I sure will tell him a way or another.
Anne

On Fri, 18 Mar 2005 12:32:16 -0800, Anne fazbeta at free dot fr
wrote:

I notice that it most cases it is the wealthier who are reluctant
to pay what they commit to pay and get often away with it.

That's how they got to be wealthy, don't ya know

Actually though some people who have quite a materialistic life
style are living in debt and are *not* really wealthy.

Anne


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits

Anne" fazbeta at free dot fr wrote in message
I said if I were *really sure* that it doesn't make a difference. The
parents are wealthy if I believe the OP and they agreed to help. I
wouldn't do that if the family was not wealthy, but I notice that it
most cases it is the wealthier who are reluctant to pay what they
commit to pay and get often away with it.
Anne
One cannot tell for sure if they are wealthy or not. I just wouldn't do it.
It's just rude.
--
Sue (mom to three girls)

Anne fazbeta at free dot fr wrote:
On Thu, 17 Mar 2005 22:39:06 GMT, Rosalie B.
wrote:
Anne fazbeta at free dot fr wrote:
On Wed, 16 Mar 2005 14:33:28 -0500, "bizby40"
wrote:

"How much should we donate?"

"Oh, I don't know, how about $10"

"$10 is too much!"

If I were really sure than $10 won't make a real difference for them,
I would answer something like "oh, I didn't know that you have some
money problems. Don't worry, give what you can and I will put the
remaining for you".

I would not do that. It isn't really kind to rub it in that you are
better off than they are, and that you know that they are poor.

I would only do that if I knew that there are better off than me. I
said if " I were really sure than $10 won't make a real difference".
The OP said that money wasn't a problem for them. For sure I wouldn't
say that to somebody poor, but I notice that it is often the richer
that cannot open their wallet even if they commit to do it.
Anne

I totally misread what you wrote and I think others did too. When
you said $10 wouldn't make a difference, I thought you meant that they
were so poor that no matter what they did they couldn't afford it.

Whereas I see now that what you are saying to them is something on the
order of, "Only someone on their beam ends wouldn't pony up what they
agreed to pay, so you must have money problems..." and either trying
to shame them into giving or saying relatively nicely that they were
cheapskates.

Maybe this is a difference between UK and US English - I think others
thought this too or maybe just responded to my reaction.


grandma Rosalie

On Fri, 18 Mar 2005 12:39:03 -0800, Anne fazbeta at free dot fr
wrote:

On Thu, 17 Mar 2005 22:39:06 GMT, Rosalie B.
wrote:

Anne fazbeta at free dot fr wrote:

On Wed, 16 Mar 2005 14:33:28 -0500, "bizby40"
wrote:

"How much should we donate?"

"Oh, I don't know, how about $10"

"$10 is too much!"

If I were really sure than $10 won't make a real difference for them,
I would answer something like "oh, I didn't know that you have some
money problems. Don't worry, give what you can and I will put the
remaining for you".

I would not do that. It isn't really kind to rub it in that you are
better off than they are, and that you know that they are poor.

I would only do that if I knew that there are better off than me. I
said if " I were really sure than $10 won't make a real difference".
The OP said that money wasn't a problem for them. For sure I wouldn't
say that to somebody poor, but I notice that it is often the richer
that cannot open their wallet even if they commit to do it.
Anne


It is often impossible to tell who is "walthy" and who is not. You
ahve no idea of someones financial status. Maybe they have a lot of
debt, or are living over their means. By the same token I know lots
of folkswho live modestly in small homes who have a fair amount of
wealth

On Fri, 18 Mar 2005 17:29:37 -0500, "Sue"
wrote:

One cannot tell for sure if they are wealthy or not. I just wouldn't do it.
It's just rude.

It is rude, but not less than letting somebody else pay for what you
commit to pay. For sure I'm far off being suave but believe it I
improved a lot since I arrived in the US.
And we are speaking about 10 bucks here, not hundreds or thousands!
It's very obvious when somebody doesn't have to worry about 10
bucks... Or at least he should have say from the beginning, "sorry
without me", or "no need for a frame", or "what about just a card",
but not "go ahead, good idea" and not pay for it.

Anne

On Fri, 18 Mar 2005 23:11:30 GMT, Rosalie B.
wrote:

I totally misread what you wrote and I think others did too. When
you said $10 wouldn't make a difference, I thought you meant that they
were so poor that no matter what they did they couldn't afford it.

Whereas I see now that what you are saying to them is something on the
order of, "Only someone on their beam ends wouldn't pony up what they
agreed to pay, so you must have money problems..." and either trying
to shame them into giving or saying relatively nicely that they were
cheapskates.

yes, mostly the later.

Maybe this is a difference between UK and US English - I think others
thought this too or maybe just responded to my reaction.

I'm not a native english speaker and sometimes what I say is very
clear to me, but not to others. Sorry for the confusion.
Anne

On 18 Mar 2005 12:45:42 -0800, Banty wrote:

Wealthy or not, does not mean anyone can suggest any amount, even $10, and they
should just hand it over. Nobody is anybody else's walking candy store.

If the amount is normal for the thing they agreed to pay for, then
they should pay for it and not let somebody else pay for their share.
If I had to pay for somebody, whom I don't especially care for and who
is at least as wealthy as I am, I would for sure let him know!
Anne

On Sat, 19 Mar 2005 07:29:56 +0100, Barbara Bomberger
wrote:

It is often impossible to tell who is "walthy" and who is not. You
ahve no idea of someones financial status. Maybe they have a lot of
debt, or are living over their means. By the same token I know lots
of folkswho live modestly in small homes who have a fair amount of
wealth
I think that it is very easy to tell if somebody will have to
reconsider its budget for 10 bucks, we are not speaking about hundred
here. If they were living over their means, maybe it would be a wake
up call! In any ways they agreed to do it, they should pay for it or
they should have proposed a cheaper route.
Anne

In article , Anne says...

On Fri, 18 Mar 2005 17:29:37 -0500, "Sue"
wrote:

One cannot tell for sure if they are wealthy or not. I just wouldn't do it.
It's just rude.

It is rude, but not less than letting somebody else pay for what you
commit to pay. For sure I'm far off being suave but believe it I
improved a lot since I arrived in the US.
And we are speaking about 10 bucks here, not hundreds or thousands!
It's very obvious when somebody doesn't have to worry about 10
bucks... Or at least he should have say from the beginning, "sorry
without me", or "no need for a frame", or "what about just a card",
but not "go ahead, good idea" and not pay for it.


Good you feel that way.

Please send me ten bucks.

Fifty cents if you're poor.

But send it.

Banty