Wife wanting child support after 12 years.

I will try to make this short...although it's not easy.

My ex and I divorced in 1994. We had two daughters. At the time, the
oldest was 6 and the youngest was 4. We decided to split custody and
avoid dragging the children through a nasty process. I wish I had
foreseen what would happen.

Ok...time warp

In the 12 year period..

I got remarried, my wife and I have two sons. One is 9 and the other
is 2.

The daughter who stayed with me is now 18 and going to college. The
daughter who stayed with her is 16. They live in Florida, I live in
Delaware (which is where we divorced).

She filed for child support for the 16 1/2 year old. I just received
word about a month ago. She wants arrears starting back to July 1st.

There is no mediation because this is a interstate issue, so it goes
immediately to a hearing which is next Dec. 6.

I am very worried, nervous, and upset. This whole ordeal has my whole
family upset. I hear horror stories of courts raking fathers over. I
made out o.k. this year financially because I do a lot of overtime. I
hear they will take that as well.

I don't know what to expect, I am nervous, and worried that this will
place a huge financial hardship on my family.

On one hand, I am thinking they have to take into consideration it's
been 12 years. It's not like we divorced this year and the children
were accustomed to a certain lifestyle. I also have two other
children, and the one daughter from the marriage who is 18, I am still
helping to support her.

My ex says, this is for the child (the 16 1/2 year old). I know what
it's about, it's about revenge and greed. Hell, for the past 12 years
she hasn't given one single dime to the daughter who I raised. Not one
dime, and in fact she has forgotten birthdays and christmas. When she
graduated from H.S., she didn't even get her a present. So she
certainly can't convince me her motives are for the 16 year old.

I don't know what to expect. Should I expect the courts to rake me
over the coals or should I expect the courts to be understanding and
realize that while I am willing to help my daughter financially if she
needs it, I also have a new life and a new family to support.

I offered $250.00 per month when I found out she was filing, she
refused it and said she wanted to go to court.

wrote
I will try to make this short...although it's not easy.
..................................
The daughter who stayed with me is now 18 and going to college. The
daughter who stayed with her is 16. They live in Florida, I live in
Delaware (which is where we divorced).

She filed for child support for the 16 1/2 year old. I just received
word about a month ago. She wants arrears starting back to July 1st.
==
Why back to July 1st? Is that when she filed?
(More Below)
==

There is no mediation because this is a interstate issue, so it goes
immediately to a hearing which is next Dec. 6.
==
Is the hearing in Florida? If it is Florida, let me know which county.
(More Below)
==
...............................................
I made out o.k. this year financially because I do a lot of overtime. I
hear they will take that as well.
==
In Florida, if a second job is for the purpose of supporting a subsequent
family, the income
is not used to calculate support. I'm not sure how overtime fits into the
picture but it's
worth a try to tell them it was done to support your second family. In
Florida, however,
that is about the extent of consideration of subsequent children. They are
eliminated from the
calculations otherwise. (More)
==
................................................

I don't know what to expect. Should I expect the courts to rake me
over the coals or should I expect the courts to be understanding and
realize that while I am willing to help my daughter financially if she
needs it, I also have a new life and a new family to support.

I offered $250.00 per month when I found out she was filing, she
refused it and said she wanted to go to court.
==
That's an extremely low amount of support. I'm sure she won't accept it. You
need to check the
controlling state's guidelines to find exactly how much you can plan on
paying. Upside? CS in FL is
only paid until the child is 18. You don't have far to go.
==
==

Gini wrote:
wrote
I will try to make this short...although it's not easy.
.................................
The daughter who stayed with me is now 18 and going to college. The
daughter who stayed with her is 16. They live in Florida, I live in
Delaware (which is where we divorced).

She filed for child support for the 16 1/2 year old. I just received
word about a month ago. She wants arrears starting back to July 1st.
==
Why back to July 1st? Is that when she filed?

Yes


(More Below)
==

There is no mediation because this is a interstate issue, so it goes
immediately to a hearing which is next Dec. 6.
==
Is the hearing in Florida? If it is Florida, let me know which county.
(More Below)

She filed in Delaware


==
..............................................
I made out o.k. this year financially because I do a lot of overtime. I
hear they will take that as well.
==
In Florida, if a second job is for the purpose of supporting a subsequent
family, the income
is not used to calculate support. I'm not sure how overtime fits into the
picture but it's
worth a try to tell them it was done to support your second family. In
Florida, however,
that is about the extent of consideration of subsequent children. They are
eliminated from the
calculations otherwise. (More)
==
...............................................

I don't know what to expect. Should I expect the courts to rake me
over the coals or should I expect the courts to be understanding and
realize that while I am willing to help my daughter financially if she
needs it, I also have a new life and a new family to support.

I offered $250.00 per month when I found out she was filing, she
refused it and said she wanted to go to court.
==
That's an extremely low amount of support. I'm sure she won't accept it.

Of course she didn't, her purpose is for revenge...she hates the fact
that I remarried and have a new family now. Her purpose is to see me
financially ruined to hurt me and my new family. Like I said, our
other daughter..for 12 years she never gave one penney to help her.

In her petition, she states..
"Each parent was responsible for one child born in the marriage. (Name
of oldest daughter) who resided with father is now 18"

That shows two things...

a) We had a mutual agreement to raise the child that resided with us
until the age of 18
b) She purposely waited until the oldest was 18.

Yes, $250.00 may seem like a low amount...but when you have a family to
support, mortgage, bills, ect...
She doesn't have a mortgage to pay.

And keep one other thing in mind. This is 12 years later, we both
moved on. It's not like we are going to consider support to keep the
same standard of living as it was in the marriage. That was 12 years
ago. Her standard of living and mine has changed.



You
need to check the
controlling state's guidelines to find exactly how much you can plan on
paying. Upside? CS in FL is
only paid until the child is 18. You don't have far to go.
==
==

I am very worried, nervous, and upset. This whole ordeal has my whole
family upset. I hear horror stories of courts raking fathers over. I
made out o.k. this year financially because I do a lot of overtime. I
hear they will take that as well.

Okay...

First of all accept the whole thing sucks. The process, the courts,
etc. There is no way this is good. However, you can calculate the
amount of damage (worst case).

It seems Delaware has jurisdiction and it seems they also stop at 18.
Some states like mine keep the NCP paying the ex until the child is 24.

Anyway....use this for a start:

http://courts.delaware.gov/Support%2...pageresult.asp

Likely they will take your last year's income and not care that it was
overtime.

Once you know the worst case number then you can think about how to
reduce it.

You need to decide if you want to hire an attorney. I'm a major fan of
doing it yourself, with an attorney as a consultant to review my
motions or trial strategy; but it does take an emotional toll. There
are advantages though and more than just saving money to doing it
yourself.

My main argument would be that your child support agreement intended
that each child was to be supported by each parent. You fully supported
one child the intent of the agreement is that she now is to fully
support the other.

I have no idea if that will fly, but I'd sure try.

The second major point is that she has an obligation to earn to the
best of her capacity. If based on her education/training you strongly
feel she is not earning an average salary you can file a motion to have
income imputed to her.

Judges are not likely to impute income in a way that will take existing
money from a child. But it can create enough of a hurdle that they also
may not increase existing child support (which for now is $0).

If you do choose to try to impute income, you need to hire a vocational
consultant who can look at your ex's resume and write a report that you
then file with the court. The consultant does not need to meet with
your ex. When I did it, it cost me about $2,500 for the report and her
time in court.

You can argue about the need to support the children living with you
now, although the child support guidelines typically emphasize that the
first children have greater claim. However, note that the Delaware form
does ask the number of dependent children living with the Father.

Good luck. If you have other questions ask us and keep us posted how
this goes.

Don

wrote in

I don't know what to expect. Should I expect the courts to rake me
over the coals or should I expect the courts to be understanding and
realize that while I am willing to help my daughter financially if she
needs it, I also have a new life and a new family to support.


First rule, do not think the family courts will apply common sense, logic,
understanding or reason.
All they see is a poor mother that needs financial help to support her
little girl and will apply all available laws to justify their warped
decision to garnish your wages. They don't care about your present
circumstances or your family, you are just another money paying Dolt to
them, so expect at least a minimum of 30% to be attached from your wages. If
that 16 year old decides to go to college, expect to pay another additional
4 years too after she reaches 18.

The C$ system is setup to the advantage of the mother, there is no defence,
don't spend too much on a lawyer if you can help it.

The good news is you are working, so you will not go to jail. If they are
taking it from July, you will already be in arrears by a minimum of $2,500.
Most states it's a felony to owe more than $5000

At least you have fair warning, my distant ex of 8 years went to court and I
heard nothing for years until I was arrested while doing business at a
government agency. By the time they got finished with me, I was a convicted
felon now owing $55,000 with my small wage being 50% garnished.

Welcome to America, Comrade eagleeye!

Dale wrote:
wrote in

I don't know what to expect. Should I expect the courts to rake me
over the coals or should I expect the courts to be understanding and
realize that while I am willing to help my daughter financially if she
needs it, I also have a new life and a new family to support.


First rule, do not think the family courts will apply common sense, logic,
understanding or reason.
All they see is a poor mother that needs financial help to support her
little girl and will apply all available laws to justify their warped
decision to garnish your wages. They don't care about your present
circumstances or your family, you are just another money paying Dolt to
them, so expect at least a minimum of 30% to be attached from your wages. If
that 16 year old decides to go to college, expect to pay another additional
4 years too after she reaches 18.

Then if that is the case, then I can counter and require her to pay
support to the daughter that is still with me and going to college,
right?

Also, here is something else that might just change this. In the
petition, she did write that we both agreed to be responsible for the
child that resided with us.

So she is saying, under oath, we made an agreement and now after 12
years she wants to go back on that agreement because the oldest one
turned 18.




The C$ system is setup to the advantage of the mother, there is no defence,
don't spend too much on a lawyer if you can help it.

The good news is you are working, so you will not go to jail. If they are
taking it from July, you will already be in arrears by a minimum of $2,500.
Most states it's a felony to owe more than $5000

At least you have fair warning, my distant ex of 8 years went to court and I
heard nothing for years until I was arrested while doing business at a
government agency. By the time they got finished with me, I was a convicted
felon now owing $55,000 with my small wage being 50% garnished.

Welcome to America, Comrade eagleeye!

wrote in

Then if that is the case, then I can counter and require her to pay
support to the daughter that is still with me and going to college,
right?

No, you would have to have an established CS claim in order to extend it.

Also, here is something else that might just change this. In the
petition, she did write that we both agreed to be responsible for the
child that resided with us.

So she is saying, under oath, we made an agreement and now after 12
years she wants to go back on that agreement because the oldest one
turned 18.

See rule #1

regardless of what she signed, all the court acknowledges is a child needs
money now, this is not contract law, it's family law and no common sense or
logic applies. It's all in her court now, all you can do is abide by the
court order you are about to receive, yes U are ****ed!

Make sure you send you local government representative a Christmas card to
thank them for setting up this wonderful system. Isn't it heart warming to
know they are acting in the best interest of the child?

wrote:

Then if that is the case, then I can counter and require her to pay
support to the daughter that is still with me and going to college,
right?

Absolutely you can. It doesn't mean the court will just agree but you
certainly should argue that.

Also, here is something else that might just change this. In the
petition, she did write that we both agreed to be responsible for the
child that resided with us.

So she is saying, under oath, we made an agreement and now after 12
years she wants to go back on that agreement because the oldest one
turned 18.

Yes again, in theory there are supposed to be material changes in
circumstances to make a change. The latitude of what constitutes
"material" is very vague but still I would argue that the only change
here is your oldest child turning 18, which should have no financial
benefit for the younger child.

As you've seen the CS system is typically vicious and can cause
tremendous damage. But that doesn't mean that every NCP in court is
doomed.

I went to court when my son was 4 and got nailed. $20k/year child
support; $20K in my legal fees and $100K in hers wink. I was forced
into bankruptcy. She took another swipe when my son was 13 and she
failed miserably.

Courts often take a very different view of a CP when the child is
older. But you need to be extremely prepared.

I guess I'm just advising to be careful with how you interpret some
perspectives presented in this group.

Don

wrote
.........................

Then if that is the case, then I can counter and require her to pay
support to the daughter that is still with me and going to college,
right?

Also, here is something else that might just change this. In the
petition, she did write that we both agreed to be responsible for the
child that resided with us.

So she is saying, under oath, we made an agreement and now after 12
years she wants to go back on that agreement because the oldest one
turned 18.
==
Sucks, but it might not matter. Courts typically take the psoition that a
parent
cannot bargain away a child's support. However, do you know that your
controlling state (Delaware, did you say?)
requires college support? Many states don't. College support is state
specific. No, you cannot
typically begin a new order after the child turns 18. Don't let these guy's
drama panic you--
Everything depends on Delaware statute which are probably online if you'd do
a search. Then you
would know for sure how much you will pay and for how long.

wrote
I will try to make this short...although it's not easy.

My ex and I divorced in 1994. We had two daughters. At the time, the
oldest was 6 and the youngest was 4. We decided to split custody and
avoid dragging the children through a nasty process. I wish I had
foreseen what would happen.

Ok...time warp

In the 12 year period..

I got remarried, my wife and I have two sons. One is 9 and the other
is 2.
==
WOOHOO! You're in luck! Delaware does deduct for subsequent children! Here's
a start for your research:
http://courts.delaware.gov/support%2...ubmit=Continue