OT - SAH or work full time... the issue gets pushed

I am having a horrid day. I found out today that the option to work part
time is being removed. I either have to go full time at my current job or
find another job. We have financial issues that prevent me from staying at
home today. Maybe 3 months from now, but not today.

I am so sad. I do not want to leave my babies (OK one is three) at daycare
all day, even for 3 months.

Thanks for letting me vent. Or more like whine.

S

Stephanie,

I'm sorry to hear about your financial worries; I hope things turn around
for you soon.

I can relate to your I went back and forth over going back to work after my
second child was born (he's now 2) because money was really tight but
decided against it after doing research on how daycare can affect children
long-term (one of the more interesting sites I found was
http://www.daycaresdontcare.org which is extremely one-sided but raises some
interesting points nonetheless). We were lucky because when we looked at
what we were spending we saw that there were ways we could cut back that
would allow us to survive on one income - but I know that's not an option
for a lot of families. And when I look around me and see the children of my
friends who started to go to daycare as infants I'm so glad we had that
flexibility and were able to do it. Aside from the behavior problems the
kids display, a lot of the parents have spent so little time with their kids
they hardly know them.

I know this is an extremely touchy subject (and I really don't mean to start
a flame war), but it seems to me that people who choose to put their kids in
daycare not because of financial considerations but because they would
rather have a career than stay home all day have based their decision on
what is best for them rather than what is best for their child(ren). How
many of us would choose to be raised by a revolving set of caregivers in a
crowded, chaotic environment? Sorry if I've gotten off-topic, but I'm
steamed because I have a friend whose 1-yr old who is miserable in daycare
yet my friend says she's just hoping he'll get used to it because she loves
her job too much to quit. The basic message she's sending her child is "Yes,
I love you but I love my job more" (since her family could easily survive on
one income). And since she's never spent a full day at her son's daycare she
has no idea what her son's life is really like during the course of a day.
This is just my opinion of course, but if more parents knew what their kids
really go through during their day in daycare I imagine they'd think twice
before deciding to let someone else (or a series of someone elses) raise
their child.

Jules

"Stephanie Stowe" wrote in message
...
I am having a horrid day. I found out today that the option to work part
time is being removed. I either have to go full time at my current job or
find another job. We have financial issues that prevent me from staying at
home today. Maybe 3 months from now, but not today.

I am so sad. I do not want to leave my babies (OK one is three) at daycare
all day, even for 3 months.

Thanks for letting me vent. Or more like whine.

S

On Tue, 18 May 2004 23:00:34 -0400, "JM" wrote:

How many of us would choose to be raised by a revolving
set of caregivers in a crowded, chaotic environment?

Daycare does not have to be a crowded, chaotic environment.

Children are not always best raised in small nuclear families, btw.
Many families used to have lots of children and if you think daycare
is crowded and chaotic what about a family where their are 6 or 7
children?

Children do not have a choice of who raises them. Projecting
adult preferences onto kids though is not going to yield anything
correct. Kids raised with daycare often love the stimulation of
that environment.


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..

The Outer Limits

And when I look around me and see the children of my
friends who started to go to daycare as infants I'm so glad we had that
flexibility and were able to do it. Aside from the behavior problems the
kids display, a lot of the parents have spent so little time with their kids
they hardly know them.

Is this all the children who went to day care, or some of them? Do any
of the children who didn't go to day care have behaviour problems?

FWIW, my son's teacher and the parents I have recently got to know
through his school have no idea he went to day care from an early age.
Most have no idea that I work now. Not that I have asked of course, I
only know because sometimes it comes up in conversation and many people
have been surprised.

IMO, there are many many other factors which determine whether a child
has behaviour problems, not just whether they went to day care or not.

Perhaps the day care providers in your area are very poor. You can't say
you don't want to start a flame war when you make blanket statements
like "Aside from the behavior problems the kids display...".

Mary Ann

In article , JM says...



I know this is an extremely touchy subject (and I really don't mean to start
a flame war), but it seems to me that people who choose to put their kids in
daycare not because of financial considerations but because they would
rather have a career than stay home all day have based their decision on
what is best for them rather than what is best for their child(ren). How
many of us would choose to be raised by a revolving set of caregivers in a
crowded, chaotic environment? Sorry if I've gotten off-topic, but I'm
steamed because I have a friend whose 1-yr old who is miserable in daycare
yet my friend says she's just hoping he'll get used to it because she loves
her job too much to quit. The basic message she's sending her child is "Yes,
I love you but I love my job more" (since her family could easily survive on
one income). And since she's never spent a full day at her son's daycare she
has no idea what her son's life is really like during the course of a day.

Gee - an obvious solution presents itself. The other wagearner (her husband, I
presume), can stop whatever *he's* doing that keeps him away from his precious
child and stay with the child while she works.

How about it?

Banty

toto wrote in message

Children are not always best raised in small nuclear families, btw.
Many families used to have lots of children and if you think daycare
is crowded and chaotic what about a family where their are 6 or 7
children?

Children do not have a choice of who raises them. Projecting
adult preferences onto kids though is not going to yield anything
correct. Kids raised with daycare often love the stimulation of
that environment.

I have to agree with this. I think the mother and child sitting alone
at home is a rather unnatural paradigm. Families used to be bigger,
and very often, it involved lots more adults in a household --
relatives, workers, visitors.

The quality of the care obviously matters a lot. If we're shifting
from a one-woman-alone-with-baby situation to
one-woman-alone-with-six-babies, then all the babies are likely to be
shortchanged.

But if the babies are toddlers, and there's a warm, child-friendly
environment with other kids and a couple of knowledgeable people in
charge, it's a whole different story.

My kids could have stayed home. (We were in another country, and had a
live-in housekeeper who loved them.) They nevertheless started going
to playschool by 18 months, just for the stimulation and the
environment. One of my kids didn't want to go, one day, and just
stayed home. It never happened again, except when the kid was really
sick.

The trick is to find a place they love. Other moms did a lot of
research, and I relied on their feedback. I also took time off to hang
out at the selected place for enough time to get a sense of what was
going on there.

Rupa

"JM" wrote in message
...
Stephanie,

And when I look around me and see the children of my
friends who started to go to daycare as infants I'm so glad we had that
flexibility and were able to do it. Aside from the behavior problems the
kids display, a lot of the parents have spent so little time with their
kids
they hardly know them.


I honestly thinking you're projecting here. There are many causes for
behavior problems and daycare hasn't been proven to be one of them.

I know this is an extremely touchy subject (and I really don't mean to
start
a flame war), but it seems to me that people who choose to put their kids
in
daycare not because of financial considerations but because they would
rather have a career than stay home all day have based their decision on
what is best for them rather than what is best for their child(ren). How
many of us would choose to be raised by a revolving set of caregivers in a
crowded, chaotic environment?

I met a girl who grew up as one of ten kids in a two-bedroom house. Was she
raised by a set of caregivers (parents) in a crowded chaotic environment?

In any case, many day care centers and home care are NOT crowded or chaotic.
My 11 month old goes to a babysitter one day a week. The woman takes care
of a total of three children (all part-time), but she only has two children
a day. Hardly crowded.

Was this place hard to find? Yes, but it was worth searching for this
situation. The point is there is good daycare and bad daycare, and some
kids do better in large centers while other do best in small home care. It
is up to parents to figure out what best suits their child(ren) and place
the child(ren) there, if possible.

Sorry if I've gotten off-topic, but I'm
steamed because I have a friend whose 1-yr old who is miserable in daycare
yet my friend says she's just hoping he'll get used to it because she
loves
her job too much to quit. The basic message she's sending her child is
"Yes,
I love you but I love my job more" (since her family could easily survive
on
one income). And since she's never spent a full day at her son's daycare
she
has no idea what her son's life is really like during the course of a
day.'

It sounds like maybe she did make a bad decision - choosing a daycare option
that incompatible with her child but that doesn't mean all daycare are bad
or all children in daycare are miserable.

Jeanne

On Tue, 18 May 2004 23:00:34 -0400, "JM" wrote:


Here we go again...........................................

Stephanie,

I'm sorry to hear about your financial worries; I hope things turn around
for you soon.

I can relate to your I went back and forth over going back to work after my
second child was born (he's now 2) because money was really tight but
decided against it after doing research on how daycare can affect children
long-term (one of the more interesting sites I found was
http://www.daycaresdontcare.org which is extremely one-sided but raises some
interesting points nonetheless). We were lucky because when we looked at
what we were spending we saw that there were ways we could cut back that
would allow us to survive on one income - but I know that's not an option
for a lot of families. And when I look around me and see the children of my
friends who started to go to daycare as infants I'm so glad we had that
flexibility and were able to do it. Aside from the behavior problems the
kids display, a lot of the parents have spent so little time with their kids
they hardly know them.

I know this is an extremely touchy subject (and I really don't mean to start
a flame war), but it seems to me that people who choose to put their kids in
daycare not because of financial considerations but because they would
rather have a career than stay home all day have based their decision on
what is best for them rather than what is best for their child(ren). How
many of us would choose to be raised by a revolving set of caregivers in a
crowded, chaotic environment? Sorry if I've gotten off-topic, but I'm
steamed because I have a friend whose 1-yr old who is miserable in daycare
yet my friend says she's just hoping he'll get used to it because she loves
her job too much to quit. The basic message she's sending her child is "Yes,
I love you but I love my job more" (since her family could easily survive on
one income). And since she's never spent a full day at her son's daycare she
has no idea what her son's life is really like during the course of a day.
This is just my opinion of course, but if more parents knew what their kids
really go through during their day in daycare I imagine they'd think twice
before deciding to let someone else (or a series of someone elses) raise
their child.

Jules

"Stephanie Stowe" wrote in message
...
I am having a horrid day. I found out today that the option to work part
time is being removed. I either have to go full time at my current job or
find another job. We have financial issues that prevent me from staying at
home today. Maybe 3 months from now, but not today.

I am so sad. I do not want to leave my babies (OK one is three) at daycare
all day, even for 3 months.

Thanks for letting me vent. Or more like whine.

S

On 19 May 2004 08:45:42 -0700, (Rupa Bose)
wrote:

toto wrote in message

Children are not always best raised in small nuclear families, btw.
Many families used to have lots of children and if you think daycare
is crowded and chaotic what about a family where their are 6 or 7
children?

Children do not have a choice of who raises them. Projecting
adult preferences onto kids though is not going to yield anything
correct. Kids raised with daycare often love the stimulation of
that environment.

I have to agree with this. I think the mother and child sitting alone
at home is a rather unnatural paradigm.

Maybe, but I hope you don't wish to characterize all
stay-at-home situations as the parent and child just "sitting
alone at home".

JM made his/her point by exaggerating or giving the
worst-case-scenerios about daycare/preschool. One doesn't
need to do the same in turn to easily dismiss the points that
he/she made, or the ones on that website linked in the post.



P. Tierney

On 19 May 2004 08:37:48 -0700, Banty wrote:

Gee - an obvious solution presents itself. The other wagearner (her husband, I
presume), can stop whatever *he's* doing that keeps him away from his precious
child and stay with the child while she works.

How about it?

Banty

Ah, you took the words out of my mouth ;-)

There is absolutely no reason why the mother should always be judged
so harshly, when the father can step up and become primary caretaker.

Nan