Intro, and Toddler/Daycare Question

Hi all,

I've decided to delurk, after reading misc.kids,
misc.kids.breastfeeding, and misc.kids.pregnancy for 2.5+ years now!
Thanks for all the help everyone has given me, without even knowing it!

I am a WOH mom, age 38, live north of Boston. DS is 27 months. I'm
starting to get twitchy about having another, DH is not ready. In my
"spare time" (haha) my hobby is horses. I have 2 horses, and try to
ride 2-4 times per week.

To my specific question:

DS has been in the same daycare since age 4 months, first part-time and
now full-time. He's been in the same toddler room, with the same
caregivers, for 14 months. He's never been much for dropoff time, but
in the past couple of weeks he has been having a really hard time, with
much crying and according to the staff, it takes him longer to calm
down, too. He has started saying "I don't like school" in the mornings
before we go.

When I pick him up, he is always fine and wants to stay and play about 3
days out of 5. Over the recent Thanksgiving break, he often talked
about school, the things he does there, his teachers, and his friends.

So, what's going on?

Recently, a new toddler who does not speak English has joined his class.
Apparently this boy's transitions each day are difficult, with much
crying, which according to the teachers upsets my DS a lot. DS has said
"Basel cries all the time," "I don't like him" and "He's not my
friend." What do I do? I don't know how to help him and it's really
bothering me!

DS is fairly verbal, but I don't know how to question him without
leading him to answers that may not reflect his real thoughts, and I
don't know how to respond when he answers as I've indicated above.

Outside daycare, there has been more stress than usual as well. He just
weaned about 2 weeks ago, and although it was his choice, he asked to
nurse twice in the last 2 days and was very upset when I said no. Also,
I'm not the calmest person at the holidays, I recently received notice
that I'll be laid off at the end of Q1 2004, and the horse that I'd had
since childhood died last month, so he may be picking up on my stress
too!

My main question at this time is regarding helping him cope at with the
transition to daycare in the mornings. I can pretty much deal with his
other "Terrific Two" behaviors, although he's getting to some stuff that
will have me posting more often, I'm sure. Usually right before I
decide I must post and get some advice, his behavior changes and I
decide I can cope again!

This has gotten long enough, and I thank anyone who is still reading!

Betty
Georgetown, MA

Recently, a new toddler who does not speak English has joined his class.
Apparently this boy's transitions each day are difficult, with much
crying, which according to the teachers upsets my DS a lot. DS has said
"Basel cries all the time," "I don't like him" and "He's not my
friend." What do I do? I don't know how to help him and it's really
bothering me!

Betty
Georgetown, MA

I would ask him why he doesn't like Basel and why he says Basel is not his
friend. If he says it's cos of the crying I would try to explain why Basel
cries - that he's not used to the daycare yet, that it's new, he doesn't
know the teachers, etc...and think how nice it would be if he (your son)
would be Basel's friend. Remind your son of how it was when he was new (I
know he's too young to remember but you get my drift).

That's really all I can think of. HTH

Sophie
#4 due 7/18/04

In article ,
"Sophie" wrote:


Recently, a new toddler who does not speak English has joined his class.
Apparently this boy's transitions each day are difficult, with much
crying, which according to the teachers upsets my DS a lot. DS has said
"Basel cries all the time," "I don't like him" and "He's not my
friend." What do I do? I don't know how to help him and it's really
bothering me!

Betty
Georgetown, MA

I would ask him why he doesn't like Basel and why he says Basel is not his
friend. If he says it's cos of the crying I would try to explain why Basel
cries - that he's not used to the daycare yet, that it's new, he doesn't
know the teachers, etc...and think how nice it would be if he (your son)
would be Basel's friend. Remind your son of how it was when he was new (I
know he's too young to remember but you get my drift).

That's really all I can think of. HTH

Sophie
#4 due 7/18/04

These are good ideas. One thing Ben (DS) did say is that Basel cries
because he misses his mommy, and that makes Ben cry because he misses
me. I think that "he's not used to daycare" is a much more positive way
to phrase it, thanks! I would really like it if I could convince Ben to
be Basel's friend. I remember when I was young (not 2 obviously) and my
mom or teachers wanted me to be friends with certain kids and I hated
the idea that I had to be friends with them because we happened to be in
the same class or our moms were friends. I think I'm trying too hard
not to do that and it makes me not think very well!

Thanks

Betty

Betty Woolf wrote:

Hi all,

My main question at this time is regarding helping him cope at with the
transition to daycare in the mornings. I can pretty much deal with his
other "Terrific Two" behaviors, although he's getting to some stuff that
will have me posting more often, I'm sure. Usually right before I
decide I must post and get some advice, his behavior changes and I
decide I can cope again!


I bet part of the difficulty is the new child who cries - he's obviously
aware of it and bothered by it, and it probably does remind him that he
misses you. Like sophie said, I would probably emphasize that the new boy
isn't used to daycare, but then really exaggerate how big and brave your son
is and how he could help teach the new boy how to be big and brave, and help
him remember that his mom is coming back, just like you do. In other words,
make it more of a confidence booster for your son, so he thinks he's the
'big' kid and maybe that will help.

Condolences on your horse - I had a horse for 10 years and it was quite
upsetting whe he died. They are very good, trusted friends.

cara

Betty Woolf wrote:

Hi all,

DS has been in the same daycare since age 4 months, first part-time and
now full-time. He's been in the same toddler room, with the same
caregivers, for 14 months. He's never been much for dropoff time, but
in the past couple of weeks he has been having a really hard time, with
much crying and according to the staff, it takes him longer to calm
down, too. He has started saying "I don't like school" in the mornings
before we go.

When I pick him up, he is always fine and wants to stay and play about 3
days out of 5. Over the recent Thanksgiving break, he often talked
about school, the things he does there, his teachers, and his friends.

So, what's going on?

Recently, a new toddler who does not speak English has joined his class.
Apparently this boy's transitions each day are difficult, with much
crying, which according to the teachers upsets my DS a lot. DS has said
"Basel cries all the time," "I don't like him" and "He's not my
friend." What do I do? I don't know how to help him and it's really
bothering me!


I second the poster who said to ask your son about Basel. Why does he
cry? It's not unusual for sensitive children to pick up the emotions of
other children and it sounds like your son is pretty sensitive. You
could (although 2 is a bit young for this) ask your son what would make
Basel feel better (aside from seeing his mother).

They don't have to be friends. But it would be nice if Basel didn't
upset your son so much by *him* being so upset.


Outside daycare, there has been more stress than usual as well. He just
weaned about 2 weeks ago, and although it was his choice, he asked to
nurse twice in the last 2 days and was very upset when I said no. Also,
I'm not the calmest person at the holidays, I recently received notice
that I'll be laid off at the end of Q1 2004, and the horse that I'd had
since childhood died last month, so he may be picking up on my stress
too!


Oh I'm so sorry about your horse. That must be difficult.

Jeanne