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Major tantrums and my 4 (almost 5) year old daughter



 
 
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  #1  
Old October 26th 06, 12:57 PM posted to misc.kids.moderated
[email protected]
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Default Major tantrums and my 4 (almost 5) year old daughter

Basically I have a 4 year old daughter who is creative, expressive and
happy most of the time. Her teachers have nothing but praise for her
and she truly is one of the sweetest children I know. However, lately
(the last 3 months) she has begun having major tantrums. The last one
was enough to make my wife start crying because our daughter was so out
of control.

My wife and I have been doing a lot of reading and most of the stuff
out there says that tantrums are not uncommon for children this age.
However, I have to admit, that at one point I began to wonder whether
or not it is normal for a child to be so hysterical. I have been
keeping tabs on things that might be possible triggers, i.e. tired,
foods, words, activities, etc. but there doesn't seem to be a specific
trigger except the most common circumstance which is tiredness.

Basically the last tantrum unfolded on Sunday night after she had
already gone to bed. She woke up around 11pm and came downstairs where
my wife and I were watching TV. Because it had been a long day we
decided to let her curl up on the couch with us, especially since she
was still half asleep.

However, she couldn't seem to get comfortable and coughed a few times
as she began to whine and whimper. She began to get frustrated so we
decided to take her upstairs and put her in bed with us. Keep in mind
that she was not fully awake, but kind of in between. Once we got her
upstairs she began to get more frustrated and began to roll around on
the bed grunting, obviously unhappy.

Within 5 minutes she was crying and beginning to scream. We tried
talking to her and asking her what was wrong but that just seemed to
enrage her more. She began kicking and pulling at everything, the
blanket, her nightgown, us, etc.

After 10 minutes she was screaming at the top of her lungs, her eyes
open and red, her veins bulging as she yelled at my wife, "I don't want
you mommy" and then screaming at me to pick her up. There was no real
communication from her. It seemed that once she was past a certain
point, there was no communicating with her. I resolved to stay calm
and be present with her as she worked her way through this tantrum. My
wife on the other hand was so terrified by this behavior that she began
to sob because she felt helpless. Hugging our daughter only caused her
to throw her body around and scream louder.

Finally after 20 minutes of screaming and flailing, I managed to
decipher that our daughter was thirsty, but every time I offered her
water, she screamed louder. There was no way I could get water into
her mouth with her so upset. Then I had an idea and asked if she
wanted a straw, which she seemed to say yes to. This was the beginning
of her calming down as eventually she began to drink some water.

By the end, some 30 minutes after it began, she was talking to us with
a hoarse voice, sweating and still red from all the screaming. She was
making jokes and being silly?

This was by far, the worst tantrum that she has ever had. It scared my
wife and despite my calm nature, it scared me to!

Does anyone have any similar experiences? Solutions? Suggestions?

Thanks,

Ariel

  #2  
Old October 26th 06, 07:11 PM posted to misc.kids.moderated
Tracey
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Posts: 70
Default Major tantrums and my 4 (almost 5) year old daughter


wrote in message
ups.com...
Does anyone have any similar experiences? Solutions? Suggestions?


Sounds more like a night terror than a tantrum.

http://pediatrics.about.com/cs/sleep...ht_terrors.htm

My daughter had night terrors on a regular basis for a couple of years.
They are scary for you, but she probably won't even remember them.


  #3  
Old October 28th 06, 10:03 PM posted to misc.kids.moderated
Jeff
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Posts: 780
Default Major tantrums and my 4 (almost 5) year old daughter


"Tracey" wrote in message
m...

wrote in message
ups.com...
Does anyone have any similar experiences? Solutions? Suggestions?


Sounds more like a night terror than a tantrum.

http://pediatrics.about.com/cs/sleep...ht_terrors.htm

My daughter had night terrors on a regular basis for a couple of years.
They are scary for you, but she probably won't even remember them.


Could be. Does the OP's daughter have these during the day or only after she
goes to sleep?

Jeff

  #4  
Old October 29th 06, 05:48 AM posted to misc.kids.moderated
Paula
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Posts: 14
Default Major tantrums and my 4 (almost 5) year old daughter

On Thu, 26 Oct 2006 07:57:31 EDT, wrote:

Basically I have a 4 year old daughter who is creative, expressive and
happy most of the time. Her teachers have nothing but praise for her
and she truly is one of the sweetest children I know. However, lately
(the last 3 months) she has begun having major tantrums. The last one
was enough to make my wife start crying because our daughter was so out
of control.


I would take her to a neurologist and/or neuropsychologist if this is
a drastic change in behavior that she can't seem to control. Chart
the circumstances as well as the symptoms when the tantrums occur so
that the doctors can see if it is night terrors, early indicators of
bipolar disorder or some issue in the brain. Behaviorally, it does
not help to keep trying to appease her. If she is flipping out so
badly that you can't figure out what is wrong, encourage her to take
deep breaths to calm herself so she can tell you what is wrong. Leave
her to tantrum on her own but let her know that when she calms down,
you will be happy to talk to her about what upset her and how you can
help. If she can calm herself when there is motivation to do so, it
is a huge help in discovering what is wrong overall as well as getting
more quickly to the point where she communicates with you instead of
having a tantrum (if she is able to control them, which she may not be
if it is neurological). This will also help in the diagnosis because
a lot of professionals want to make sure there are no behavioral
payoffs before looking for a medical explanation. After all, most
children throw tantrums because it gets them what they want and the
most common cause is going to be the default. If you can show that it
does not pay off for her in any way but it continues unabated, they
will be more willing to look into other possible causes.

Good luck!

--
Paula
"Anyway, other people are weird, but sometimes they have candy,
so it's best to try to get along with them." Joe Bay

  #5  
Old November 2nd 06, 07:23 PM posted to misc.kids.moderated
S_S
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Posts: 1
Default Major tantrums and my 4 (almost 5) year old daughter

This sounds like night terrors to me too. My son had some on and off,
in similar situations where he woke up shortly after going to bed or
was woken from sleep (say fell asleep on plane and had to leave plane
when we arrived). It was indeed very scary as he seemed to be very
upset, flailed around a lot and even yelled but didn't seem to
acknowledge us and our efforts to calm him down.

We thought it seemed to happen more on nights when he was overtired -
eg had a long day, no nap (at the time) etc. Basically we tried to
make sure he was going to bed on time, getting enough rest etc. and
then when it happened we tried to stay calm, make sure he didn't hurt
himself by flailing around too much and comfort him if he "woke" up.

Good luck!

 




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