Adult stuck at 14 years old

This probably isn't the best place to ask this but I don't know where
else I can ask. I guess I'm hoping that maybe someone has dealt with a
similar situation and can offer advice.

I have a 25 year old step sister who I know needs help. After high
school she didn't go to college and didn't get a job. She was extremely
stressed out from high school and wanted to take a year off. She's been
doing nothing for seven years. She's very shy, has no friends, is
afraid to drive (has no driver's license) and just stays at home all
the time. She has a few untreatable sleep disorders that may her
constantly fatigued. When she wakes up she feels like she could sleep
for another 8 hours. She also has had an anxiety disorder and
depression since early childhood (3 or 4) but wasn't diagnosed until a
year or two ago, it currently isn't being treated. She also says that
she feels like she's 14 years old. As if that's when her life stopped
and she got stuck there. She says that the idea of getting a full time
job and all the things that come with it are as overwhelming to her as
it would be to a 14 year old. Could you imagine being 14 and your
parents telling you that you have to get a full time job, drive to
work, pay taxes, etc.? Wouldn't that be scary and overwhelming at that
age? That's how my sister feels.

She says that everything in her life feels wrong and has for a long
time. She feels that's something isn't right but can't figure out what.
No one else knows about this except for me. She does an excellent job
of hiding her true feelings from everyone. She says that if she has to
get a job, that she thinks she'll have a mental breakdown from the
stress. In high school she kind of did go a little crazy/psychotic for
a few years. Although, I don't think anyone else knew or was aware of
that. Mental illness does run in her family.

She can't go to the doctor because she doesn't have insurance or money.
There's no free clinic around here and her parents won't pay because
they obviously don't understand. I also don't have any money to help
her.

Does anyone have any suggestions on what she or I can do to help? Any
ideas on why she feels like she's stuck at 14? I think that's a huge
part of the problem. I just don't know what to do. I'm scared for her.

wrote in
ups.com:

This probably isn't the best place to ask this but I don't
know where else I can ask. I guess I'm hoping that maybe
someone has dealt with a similar situation and can offer
advice.

she has a mental health problem, or possibly autism. if her
parents are just telling her to buck up & get a job, they are
not helping AT ALL for either scenario.
she needs to see a psych doctor and get a diagnoses of her
problems. it may be possible that she can be helped by
medication. if she doesn't have insurance she needs to talk to
your state welfare organization. she can't work, so she may be
eligible for Medicade.
is she living at home? if they want her to get better, they
need to take her to a qualified doctor. did they just ignore
the childhood depression & hope it would go away? has she
never been seen for the sleep disorders? this is all tied in
together & unless someone gets her the help she nedds, she
will never be able to function as an adult. she feels
overwhelmed because she IS.
lee

wrote:
This probably isn't the best place to ask this but I don't know where
else I can ask. I guess I'm hoping that maybe someone has dealt with a
similar situation and can offer advice.

I have a 25 year old step sister who I know needs help. After high
school she didn't go to college and didn't get a job. She was
extremely stressed out from high school and wanted to take a year
off. She's been doing nothing for seven years. She's very shy, has no
friends, is afraid to drive (has no driver's license) and just stays
at home all the time. She has a few untreatable sleep disorders that
may her constantly fatigued. When she wakes up she feels like she
could sleep for another 8 hours. She also has had an anxiety disorder
and depression since early childhood (3 or 4) but wasn't diagnosed
until a year or two ago, it currently isn't being treated. She also
says that she feels like she's 14 years old. As if that's when her
life stopped and she got stuck there. She says that the idea of
getting a full time job and all the things that come with it are as
overwhelming to her as it would be to a 14 year old. Could you
imagine being 14 and your parents telling you that you have to get a
full time job, drive to work, pay taxes, etc.? Wouldn't that be scary
and overwhelming at that age? That's how my sister feels.

She says that everything in her life feels wrong and has for a long
time. She feels that's something isn't right but can't figure out
what. No one else knows about this except for me. She does an
excellent job of hiding her true feelings from everyone. She says
that if she has to get a job, that she thinks she'll have a mental
breakdown from the stress. In high school she kind of did go a little
crazy/psychotic for a few years. Although, I don't think anyone else
knew or was aware of that. Mental illness does run in her family.

She can't go to the doctor because she doesn't have insurance or
money. There's no free clinic around here and her parents won't pay
because they obviously don't understand. I also don't have any money
to help her.

Does anyone have any suggestions on what she or I can do to help? Any
ideas on why she feels like she's stuck at 14? I think that's a huge
part of the problem. I just don't know what to do. I'm scared for her.

I don't think anything is going to get better until she seeks treatment for
her mental health problems. Help her contact the local mental health
department. By local I don't mean in the same town necessarily. My local
mental health clinic covers several whole counties. They generally run on a
sliding fee scale. If you don't know where that is call the state and get
the number and address. Depending on the state the department you want to
call will be something like Department of Mental Health/Human Services/etc.
All states have their department info on-line if you look up your state home
page and follow the links. You should also go with her to the closest
Social Security office and apply for SSI benefits. I think you can do that
over the phone as well - probably even on-line. www.ssa.gov is the website.
SSI is almost always denied at first these days - appeal the denial. That
provides a small amount of money each month as well as Medicaid (state
health insurance).

Good luck
--
Nikki

"enigma" wrote in message
. ..
wrote in
ups.com:

This probably isn't the best place to ask this but I don't
know where else I can ask. I guess I'm hoping that maybe
someone has dealt with a similar situation and can offer
advice.

she has a mental health problem, or possibly autism.

I agree. She definitely has a mental health problem, or more than one. She
may have agoraphobia, which is fear of public places. There are many other
mental health problems she may have. Even if we could diagnose it here, she
still needs to see a psychologist or psychatrist. Treatment should help.

parents are just telling her to buck up & get a job, they are
not helping AT ALL for either scenario.
she needs to see a psych doctor and get a diagnoses of her
problems. it may be possible that she can be helped by
medication. if she doesn't have insurance she needs to talk to
your state welfare organization. she can't work, so she may be
eligible for Medicade.
is she living at home? if they want her to get better, they
need to take her to a qualified doctor. did they just ignore
the childhood depression & hope it would go away? has she
never been seen for the sleep disorders? this is all tied in
together & unless someone gets her the help she nedds, she
will never be able to function as an adult. she feels
overwhelmed because she IS.

I agree. She definitely needs to see a mental health professional. Family
counseling may help, too, to help clue the parents in on what the problem is
and what they can do to help.

Jeff

lee

"Ignoramus15359" wrote in message
...
What is her pulse in the morning? Her problems may not necessarily be
mental, she may have an underactive thyroid, or other problems.

i

Excellent point. A perfect place for her to start would be go to her family
physician. Eliminating other factors, like hypothyroidism is part of the
evaluation for depression and other mental disorders.

Jeff

On 10 Jun 2005 00:29:54 -0700,
wrote:
This probably isn't the best place to ask this but I don't know where
else I can ask. I guess I'm hoping that maybe someone has dealt with a
similar situation and can offer advice.

I have a 25 year old step sister who I know needs help. After high
school she didn't go to college and didn't get a job. She was extremely
stressed out from high school and wanted to take a year off. She's been
doing nothing for seven years. She's very shy, has no friends, is
afraid to drive (has no driver's license) and just stays at home all
the time. She has a few untreatable sleep disorders that may her
constantly fatigued. When she wakes up she feels like she could sleep
for another 8 hours. She also has had an anxiety disorder and
depression since early childhood (3 or 4) but wasn't diagnosed until a
year or two ago, it currently isn't being treated. She also says that
she feels like she's 14 years old. As if that's when her life stopped
and she got stuck there. She says that the idea of getting a full time
job and all the things that come with it are as overwhelming to her as
it would be to a 14 year old. Could you imagine being 14 and your
parents telling you that you have to get a full time job, drive to
work, pay taxes, etc.? Wouldn't that be scary and overwhelming at that
age? That's how my sister feels.

She says that everything in her life feels wrong and has for a long
time. She feels that's something isn't right but can't figure out what.
No one else knows about this except for me. She does an excellent job
of hiding her true feelings from everyone. She says that if she has to
get a job, that she thinks she'll have a mental breakdown from the
stress. In high school she kind of did go a little crazy/psychotic for
a few years. Although, I don't think anyone else knew or was aware of
that. Mental illness does run in her family.

She can't go to the doctor because she doesn't have insurance or money.
There's no free clinic around here and her parents won't pay because
they obviously don't understand. I also don't have any money to help
her.

Does anyone have any suggestions on what she or I can do to help? Any
ideas on why she feels like she's stuck at 14? I think that's a huge
part of the problem. I just don't know what to do. I'm scared for her.



--

Some people got improvement from agoraphobia by
taking flax oil, a source of omega-3 essential fatty acids (EFA).
Most people in modern society have diets deficient
in EFA's. Flax oil can help, or if that is too
expensive, eati ng fish more often is another way to
get these important brain nutrients. Some nuts and
seeds also have them.

Other nutrients impotrtant for proper brain function include
vitamin C and the B-complex vitamins. For example,
switching to whole-grain bread for B vitamins could possibly
help a bit if she's deficient, though she might need
supplements if she needs more if these
vitamins than the average person.

Getting plenty of exercise might help.

You can look in the library for books by David Burns. These
books are really great for help ing people with depression
and anxiety disorders, by working with
thoughts and behaviours. Changing the thought patterns
and behaviour patterns can lead to positive changes
in brain chemistry -- though if the main
cause of her problems is hormones or something the
amount of help may be limited. they've done studies, though,
and his books are as good or better than drugs on average in
treating depression.

Part of the treatment for agoraphobia is to just
get out thereA: face your fears, go places
you're afraid of going. After a few times the
fear tends to diminish. You also use positive self-talk:
"I'm OK. I'm safe here." etc. The Burns book
can help with these things.

If the main probelm is anxiety or agoraphobia I
recommend his "The Feeling Good Handbook".
For depression I recommend "Ten Days to Self Esteem".
For a variety of problems I recommend "Feeling Good".
All these books are rather similar and cover a variety of
problems.


--
Cathy Woodgold
A *much* better world is possible.