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neighbor DID call CPS on us - long rant



 
 
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  #1  
Old September 13th 08, 08:28 AM posted to misc.kids
Irrational Number
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 306
Default neighbor DID call CPS on us - long rant

So, if anyone is following our saga, back
in July, my neighbor J ranted and railed at
me for various issues: safety, nanny,
bilingual environment, tantrums, noise,
etc., regarding my 5yo autistic Pillbug.
At that time, he threatened to call CPS,
said he has a friend at CPS who said he
should call, but he oh so kindly decided
he himself would talk to us first.

Well, following that, I talked to all the
other neighbors, determined that no one was
concerned with noise except J, that the only
real concern was safety, that ONE TIME that
Pillbug crossed the street by himself because
DH was not paying attention. (It's a quiet
residential street, an puh-leeze, all kids
try to go into streets, don't they?)

I did implement all of J and J's wife's
suggestions: new locks, new fence, never
let the kids go near their garage, shut the
windows on J's side if Pillbug tantrums and
move Pillbug to the other side of the house.

Well, J called CPS anyway. I am calm now,
but Tuesday night I was cussing like a sailor.

J called CPS about Pillbug crossing the
street. CPS decided there was not sufficient
evidence for an investigation, so they referred
us to some community counseling support blah
blah blah place. (By the way, when I told this
counseling place that my Pillbug was autistic,
he told me to go to The First 5 Years, whom I
had called FOUR years ago and they told me they
could do nothing for me.) Useless. Absolutely
useless.

I've discovered that negative reinforcement
just does not work well with me. Now that J
has called CPS, my gut is telling me that
next time Pillbug tantrums, I will open all
the windows on J's side and aim Pillbug in
that direction.

I just cannot believe that after our discussion,
after J's wife kept telling me that she had been
a teacher for 30 years, that she tossed water
in her son's face at 2yo to stop his tantrums
(sheesh, a 2yo's tantrumming for show is so
different from an autistic child's frustration
at being unable to communicate - I am not about
to stop Pillbug from attempting to communicate!),
after I implemented every one of their suggestions,
that they still called CPS.

I will talk to J again. I'm not sure what I want
to say to him. I'm going to wait a week so that
I'm calm when I do.

-- Anita --
  #2  
Old September 13th 08, 02:23 PM posted to misc.kids
Banty
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 2,278
Default neighbor DID call CPS on us - long rant

In article , Irrational Number
says...

So, if anyone is following our saga, back
in July, my neighbor J ranted and railed at
me for various issues: safety, nanny,
bilingual environment, tantrums, noise,
etc., regarding my 5yo autistic Pillbug.
At that time, he threatened to call CPS,
said he has a friend at CPS who said he
should call, but he oh so kindly decided
he himself would talk to us first.

Well, following that, I talked to all the
other neighbors, determined that no one was
concerned with noise except J,


Well, when people are put on the spot like that they often don't want to bring
up their concerns...

that the only
real concern was safety, that ONE TIME that
Pillbug crossed the street by himself because
DH was not paying attention. (It's a quiet
residential street, an puh-leeze, all kids
try to go into streets, don't they?)

I did implement all of J and J's wife's
suggestions: new locks, new fence, never
let the kids go near their garage, shut the
windows on J's side if Pillbug tantrums and
move Pillbug to the other side of the house.


Good!


Well, J called CPS anyway. I am calm now,
but Tuesday night I was cussing like a sailor.

J called CPS about Pillbug crossing the
street. CPS decided there was not sufficient
evidence for an investigation, so they referred
us to some community counseling support blah
blah blah place. (By the way, when I told this
counseling place that my Pillbug was autistic,
he told me to go to The First 5 Years, whom I
had called FOUR years ago and they told me they
could do nothing for me.) Useless. Absolutely
useless.


Think if it as "useless" = "CPS decided you're fine".


I've discovered that negative reinforcement
just does not work well with me. Now that J
has called CPS, my gut is telling me that
next time Pillbug tantrums, I will open all
the windows on J's side and aim Pillbug in
that direction.


Don't don't.


I just cannot believe that after our discussion,
after J's wife kept telling me that she had been
a teacher for 30 years, that she tossed water
in her son's face at 2yo to stop his tantrums
(sheesh, a 2yo's tantrumming for show is so
different from an autistic child's frustration
at being unable to communicate - I am not about
to stop Pillbug from attempting to communicate!),
after I implemented every one of their suggestions,
that they still called CPS.

I will talk to J again. I'm not sure what I want
to say to him. I'm going to wait a week so that
I'm calm when I do.


Why on earth talk to that neighbor again???

Here's what came down:

1. They called CPS, as I recall several of us said "let them, CPS won't do
anything".

2. CPS did nothing, basically. Other than the mamby-pamby obligatory referrals
they pretty much have to do and record that they did so they can show they're
doing their job.

So that was the one bullet in J's gun, they're blown their wad, there is nothing
more that they can do, and *they* know it too. So it's done.

Just keep doing what you're already doing, please dont' think of yourself as a
child who "doesn't respond to negative reinforcement" and do stupid stuff to get
the police called.

But, good grief, why on earth are you even thinking about talking to that
neighbor again? What do you owe them?? What do you hope to accomplish??

Newsflash: People don't talk to all their neighbors. It's one way of getting
along - detente. No talk, no arguments, no hassle. You can rant here - we can
be the people you talk to.

As for them, no reason to even be neighborly - you don't even have to call if
you see a breaking in over there. Just pretend it's an empty house. ;-)

Banty

  #3  
Old September 13th 08, 03:11 PM posted to misc.kids
xkatx
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 690
Default neighbor DID call CPS on us - long rant

Banty wrote in
:

In article ,
Irrational Number says...

So, if anyone is following our saga, back
in July, my neighbor J ranted and railed at
me for various issues: safety, nanny,
bilingual environment, tantrums, noise,
etc., regarding my 5yo autistic Pillbug.
At that time, he threatened to call CPS,
said he has a friend at CPS who said he
should call, but he oh so kindly decided
he himself would talk to us first.

Well, following that, I talked to all the
other neighbors, determined that no one was
concerned with noise except J,


Well, when people are put on the spot like that they often don't want
to bring up their concerns...

that the only
real concern was safety, that ONE TIME that
Pillbug crossed the street by himself because
DH was not paying attention. (It's a quiet
residential street, an puh-leeze, all kids
try to go into streets, don't they?)

I did implement all of J and J's wife's
suggestions: new locks, new fence, never
let the kids go near their garage, shut the
windows on J's side if Pillbug tantrums and
move Pillbug to the other side of the house.


Good!


Well, J called CPS anyway. I am calm now,
but Tuesday night I was cussing like a sailor.

J called CPS about Pillbug crossing the
street. CPS decided there was not sufficient
evidence for an investigation, so they referred
us to some community counseling support blah
blah blah place. (By the way, when I told this
counseling place that my Pillbug was autistic,
he told me to go to The First 5 Years, whom I
had called FOUR years ago and they told me they
could do nothing for me.) Useless. Absolutely
useless.


Think if it as "useless" = "CPS decided you're fine".


I've discovered that negative reinforcement
just does not work well with me. Now that J
has called CPS, my gut is telling me that
next time Pillbug tantrums, I will open all
the windows on J's side and aim Pillbug in
that direction.


Don't don't.


I just cannot believe that after our discussion,
after J's wife kept telling me that she had been
a teacher for 30 years, that she tossed water
in her son's face at 2yo to stop his tantrums
(sheesh, a 2yo's tantrumming for show is so
different from an autistic child's frustration
at being unable to communicate - I am not about
to stop Pillbug from attempting to communicate!),
after I implemented every one of their suggestions,
that they still called CPS.

I will talk to J again. I'm not sure what I want
to say to him. I'm going to wait a week so that
I'm calm when I do.


Why on earth talk to that neighbor again???

Here's what came down:

1. They called CPS, as I recall several of us said "let them, CPS
won't do anything".

2. CPS did nothing, basically. Other than the mamby-pamby obligatory
referrals they pretty much have to do and record that they did so they
can show they're doing their job.

So that was the one bullet in J's gun, they're blown their wad, there
is nothing more that they can do, and *they* know it too. So it's
done.

Just keep doing what you're already doing, please dont' think of
yourself as a child who "doesn't respond to negative reinforcement"
and do stupid stuff to get the police called.

But, good grief, why on earth are you even thinking about talking to
that neighbor again? What do you owe them?? What do you hope to
accomplish??

Newsflash: People don't talk to all their neighbors. It's one way of
getting along - detente. No talk, no arguments, no hassle. You can
rant here - we can be the people you talk to.

As for them, no reason to even be neighborly - you don't even have to
call if you see a breaking in over there. Just pretend it's an empty
house. ;-)

Banty


I have to agree with what Banty said.
You have a challenge with your every day life. There's not much that's
going to change that. There's no magical cure for Autism, AFAIK, or
autistic would not be around. You're not the only family with an
autistic child. Yours doesn't seem to be any different from the next!
We lived across the way from a woman that had an autistic 11 or 12 year
old son. He did some pretty crazy things - there was one time I remember
he was just screaming out his bedroom window, and in the end, he ended up
*falling* out of his 2nd storey window. An ambulance was called to add
to the noise and commotion, but quite frankly, it was not the end of the
world living near this family. They didn't do things to bother the
neighbours on purpose.
I did talk to this neighbour every now and then. I can only imagine how
difficult it can be in her home. It wasn't something I would ever think
to hold against her... When she got pregnant with him, I highly doubt she
was hoping and praying for autism!
Let him be who he is. And just keep going as you would. I'd keep trying
to do what I can to not disrupt the neighbour, but it sure sounds like
your neighbour is a royal jerk. I wouldn't bother trying to talk to him
- or the wife. Just ignore them completely. If they feel the need to
keep calling CPS, then whatever. Let them if that's what makes them
happy. They'll really start to look stupid when CPS keeps saying you're
doing a great job and handle issues and life well.
I'd be ****ed off at the neighbour as well, but maybe the best way to
deal with it is to NOT give your neighbour any type of reaction. That
just might fuel his boat or something. He might get some satisfaction
that if CPS won't do anything in his favor, at least he's getting to your
last nerve. Don't even go down that road!
  #4  
Old September 13th 08, 05:21 PM posted to misc.kids
Irrational Number
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 306
Default neighbor DID call CPS on us - long rant

Banty wrote:
In article , Irrational Number
says...

Well, following that, I talked to all the
other neighbors, determined that no one was
concerned with noise except J,


Well, when people are put on the spot like that they often don't want to bring
up their concerns...


Actually, these neighbors are people I know
and one of them is very good about telling
me things I ought to know, like if the nanny
is doing something good or bad. And the
other neighbors did tell me about their
safety concerns, that they could not hear
screaming, but they could hear my piano playing
and hope I do more of it.

J called CPS about Pillbug crossing the
street. CPS decided there was not sufficient
evidence for an investigation, so they referred
us to some community counseling support blah
blah blah place. (By the way, when I told this
counseling place that my Pillbug was autistic,
he told me to go to The First 5 Years, whom I
had called FOUR years ago and they told me they
could do nothing for me.) Useless. Absolutely
useless.


Think if it as "useless" = "CPS decided you're fine".


Sorry, I meant "useless" as in these counseling
agencies are useless - they give me referrals
that can't help me.

I just cannot believe that after our discussion,
after J's wife kept telling me that she had been
a teacher for 30 years, that she tossed water
in her son's face at 2yo to stop his tantrums
(sheesh, a 2yo's tantrumming for show is so
different from an autistic child's frustration
at being unable to communicate - I am not about
to stop Pillbug from attempting to communicate!),
after I implemented every one of their suggestions,
that they still called CPS.

I will talk to J again. I'm not sure what I want
to say to him. I'm going to wait a week so that
I'm calm when I do.


Why on earth talk to that neighbor again???


You're right... I kind of had the thought that I
wanted to "break up" formally. J have been giving
us the "fade" (to use a relationship term) - he
went from being friendly and talking about anything
and everything to NEVER making eye contact anymore.
It's as if we do not exist.

But, good grief, why on earth are you even thinking about talking to that
neighbor again? What do you owe them?? What do you hope to accomplish??

Newsflash: People don't talk to all their neighbors. It's one way of getting
along - detente. No talk, no arguments, no hassle. You can rant here - we can
be the people you talk to.

As for them, no reason to even be neighborly - you don't even have to call if
you see a breaking in over there. Just pretend it's an empty house. ;-)


Since they are pretending we are not here, I suppose
it's fine to pretend they are not there!

-- Anita --
  #5  
Old September 14th 08, 02:21 AM posted to misc.kids
Banty
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 2,278
Default neighbor DID call CPS on us - long rant

In article , Irrational Number
says...

Banty wrote:
In article , Irrational Number
says...

Well, following that, I talked to all the
other neighbors, determined that no one was
concerned with noise except J,


Well, when people are put on the spot like that they often don't want to bring
up their concerns...


Actually, these neighbors are people I know
and one of them is very good about telling
me things I ought to know, like if the nanny
is doing something good or bad. And the
other neighbors did tell me about their
safety concerns, that they could not hear
screaming, but they could hear my piano playing
and hope I do more of it.

J called CPS about Pillbug crossing the
street. CPS decided there was not sufficient
evidence for an investigation, so they referred
us to some community counseling support blah
blah blah place. (By the way, when I told this
counseling place that my Pillbug was autistic,
he told me to go to The First 5 Years, whom I
had called FOUR years ago and they told me they
could do nothing for me.) Useless. Absolutely
useless.


Think if it as "useless" = "CPS decided you're fine".


Sorry, I meant "useless" as in these counseling
agencies are useless - they give me referrals
that can't help me.


Oh I got that.

It's just that, CPS didn't do anything real therefore, right? They weren't
going to take any real action, right? No home visits, nothing. They've decided
you're fine.


I just cannot believe that after our discussion,
after J's wife kept telling me that she had been
a teacher for 30 years, that she tossed water
in her son's face at 2yo to stop his tantrums
(sheesh, a 2yo's tantrumming for show is so
different from an autistic child's frustration
at being unable to communicate - I am not about
to stop Pillbug from attempting to communicate!),
after I implemented every one of their suggestions,
that they still called CPS.

I will talk to J again. I'm not sure what I want
to say to him. I'm going to wait a week so that
I'm calm when I do.


Why on earth talk to that neighbor again???


You're right... I kind of had the thought that I
wanted to "break up" formally. J have been giving
us the "fade" (to use a relationship term) - he
went from being friendly and talking about anything
and everything to NEVER making eye contact anymore.
It's as if we do not exist.


So don't exist ;-)


But, good grief, why on earth are you even thinking about talking to that
neighbor again? What do you owe them?? What do you hope to accomplish??

Newsflash: People don't talk to all their neighbors. It's one way of getting
along - detente. No talk, no arguments, no hassle. You can rant here - we can
be the people you talk to.

As for them, no reason to even be neighborly - you don't even have to call if
you see a breaking in over there. Just pretend it's an empty house. ;-)


Since they are pretending we are not here, I suppose
it's fine to pretend they are not there!


You got it.

Banty

  #6  
Old September 14th 08, 03:22 AM posted to misc.kids
Irrational Number
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 306
Default neighbor DID call CPS on us - long rant

xkatx wrote:
Banty wrote in
:

As for them, no reason to even be neighborly - you don't even have to
call if you see a breaking in over there. Just pretend it's an empty
house. ;-)

Banty


I have to agree with what Banty said.
You have a challenge with your every day life.


That is exactly it. If you don't have an autistic
child, you have no idea what it's like. I certainly
did not! To top it all off, just last month, we
received two more diagnoses: mental retardation
(at 5yo, his cognitive level is about 18 months)
and verbal apraxia. Let me tell you, I do not need
to be worrying about a CPS visit!!!

Let him be who he is. And just keep going as you would.


I do. I am not about to keep Pillbug locked up.
He loves to be in the back yard flapping away
and if he sees little ants and that makes him
happily squealing (which is not as loud as a tantrum,
by the way), then so be it. I love that he loves
to be outdoors.

I wouldn't bother trying to talk to him
- or the wife. Just ignore them completely. If they feel the need to
keep calling CPS, then whatever. Let them if that's what makes them
happy. They'll really start to look stupid when CPS keeps saying you're
doing a great job and handle issues and life well.


It's interesting that you and Banty both think I
should not talk to the neighbor. I won't. But,
that just had not occurred to me earlier. I'm the
kind of person that likes to talk things out, even
if it's just a 5-minute "break-up" conversation.
But, I guess it's not required in this instance.

I have nothing to worry about from CPS or the
police. Anyone is welcome to visit my house and
see what a therapy center it looks like! Plus, I
have dozens and dozens of witnesses in the form of
therapists, psychologists, neurologists, teachers,
and whatnot to testify on my behalf, if need be!

I'd be ****ed off at the neighbour as well, but maybe the best way to
deal with it is to NOT give your neighbour any type of reaction. That
just might fuel his boat or something.


I was just stunned that he actually called CPS after
we talked about everything and I implemented all the
measures they requested. But ah well, you can't win
'em all. I don't need to be thinking about this
with everyone else going on.

-- Anita --
  #7  
Old September 14th 08, 04:40 AM posted to misc.kids
Kat
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 177
Default neighbor DID call CPS on us - long rant


"Irrational Number" wrote in message
...
xkatx wrote:
Banty wrote in
:
As for them, no reason to even be neighborly - you don't even have to
call if you see a breaking in over there. Just pretend it's an empty
house. ;-)
Banty


I have to agree with what Banty said.
You have a challenge with your every day life.


That is exactly it. If you don't have an autistic
child, you have no idea what it's like. I certainly
did not! To top it all off, just last month, we
received two more diagnoses: mental retardation
(at 5yo, his cognitive level is about 18 months)
and verbal apraxia. Let me tell you, I do not need
to be worrying about a CPS visit!!!


I do not have an autistic child, nor do I have any close family member or
friend with one. My only "real" experience with autism is from the woman
that I knew and did talk to often enough from across the parking lot where
we lived last and a distant relative who's DD1 (a little younger than DS,
IIRC) - it's my uncle's neice's child, and he's my uncle through marriage so
I am not extremely close with them, but do know them somewhat.
I can only imagine what it would be like, but really, I have no idea what it
really is like, nor will I even try and pretend! I think with stuff like
that - where you really *don't* know unless it's directly in your life, it's
much easier to be compassionate and understanding of what, in reality, is
like the unknown to you.


Let him be who he is. And just keep going as you would.


I do. I am not about to keep Pillbug locked up.
He loves to be in the back yard flapping away
and if he sees little ants and that makes him
happily squealing (which is not as loud as a tantrum,
by the way), then so be it. I love that he loves
to be outdoors.


Good. What child doesn't like being outdoors? Who would much rather be
locked in the house all the time - child or adult? I would think there'd be
more concerns if a person was to keep their child - with any type of
disability or special circumstances or not - shut out from the rest of the
world. THAT would be something that isn't alright, so if being outside in
the yard or park or whatever is what he likes, then great.

I wouldn't bother trying to talk to him - or the wife. Just ignore them
completely. If they feel the need to keep calling CPS, then whatever.
Let them if that's what makes them happy. They'll really start to look
stupid when CPS keeps saying you're doing a great job and handle issues
and life well.


It's interesting that you and Banty both think I
should not talk to the neighbor. I won't. But,
that just had not occurred to me earlier. I'm the
kind of person that likes to talk things out, even
if it's just a 5-minute "break-up" conversation.
But, I guess it's not required in this instance.


I don't really know why I wouldn't bother with the neighbour, but I know I
just wouldn't. I have a weirdo neighbour and I would much rather avoid her
at all costs. I do think she's a real nutjob, but that's besides the point.
There's just some people that are best avoided, and like my neighbour for
different reasons, yours seems to be right up the same alley in some ways
lol
I think the thought (or maybe assumption?) that the neighbour might get more
of a rise if they knew they were getting to me would be part of the reason.
I think just completely ignoring it would give me more satisfaction and the
neighbour less! Letting the neighbour know that I'm not in the wrong at all
would be it.

I have nothing to worry about from CPS or the
police. Anyone is welcome to visit my house and
see what a therapy center it looks like! Plus, I
have dozens and dozens of witnesses in the form of
therapists, psychologists, neurologists, teachers,
and whatnot to testify on my behalf, if need be!


Definitely. And the fact that you are definitely not the only one. There's
so many other people and families out there going down the same road in
very, very similar situations. On the flip side, for every other family,
there's their neighbours as well. Kind of like my neighbour - banging like
a lunatic on the shared bedroom wall the first night we moved in here
because the baby (DD1 was 3 weeks old when we moved here) was crying. I
actually went to her and told her to stop banging on the wall - I told her
all babies cry - mine, hers, theirs... and I also assured her I was not
pinching the baby to make her cry. It's just something that life throws at
us all in one way or another lol

I'd be ****ed off at the neighbour as well, but maybe the best way to
deal with it is to NOT give your neighbour any type of reaction. That
just might fuel his boat or something.


I was just stunned that he actually called CPS after
we talked about everything and I implemented all the
measures they requested. But ah well, you can't win
'em all. I don't need to be thinking about this
with everyone else going on.


Again, some people... That's just how they are. To your face, some people
just pretend to be your best friend. But when you're not standing right
there, they're totally different. We had issues with the nut next door -
her son constantly playing VERY loud (excessivly loud) music on a regular
basis. Then in the evening, kids in bed, we'd sit down to watch some TV and
the neighbour is banging on the wall over what I assumed was the TV. It
wasn't loud (kids were in bed) and it turned into a huge battle, but partly
because the TV wasn't loud. She then suggested we trade phone numbers - to
avoid banging on the walls like a bunch of neanderthals, pick up the phone
and call and ask for the music/TV/video games - whatever - be turned down.
Well, low and behold... She was STILL banging on the walls.
There's just definitely some people you can't ever please and those are the
people best avoided at all costs!

-- Anita --



  #8  
Old September 14th 08, 06:41 PM posted to misc.kids
Beth Kevles
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 269
Default neighbor DID call CPS on us - long rant


Hi --

Keep a written record of what you've told them, what CPS has told them
AND you, and pediatrician notes. Also, keep a written record of every
time they threaten you with calling CPS. This will help you in the
event you need to take legal action against the neighbors. (I'm not
sure what legal action ... restraining order, ADA complaint, lawsuit,
whatever.) It might be worth speaking with a lawyer about the issue
with the neighbors, because if they succeed in getting you entangled
with CPS you'll want solid legal advice on your side.

Good luck, and I hope the problem fizzles out.
--Beth Kevles
-THE-COM-HERE
http://web.mit.edu/kevles/www/nomilk.html -- a page for the milk-allergic
Disclaimer: Nothing in this message should be construed as medical
advice. Please consult with your own medical practicioner.

NOTE: No email is read at my MIT address. Use the GMAIL one if you would
like me to reply.
  #9  
Old September 15th 08, 03:28 PM posted to misc.kids
Nikki
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 486
Default neighbor DID call CPS on us - long rant

Irrational Number wrote:
So, if anyone is following our saga, back
in July, my neighbor J ranted and railed at
me for various issues: safety, nanny,
bilingual environment, tantrums, noise,
etc., regarding my 5yo autistic Pillbug.
At that time, he threatened to call CPS,


Aww, I'm sorry. Bigotry relating to disabilities is startling in this
day and age but it is certainly there. I'm sorry you are living next
door to it.

I agree with just ignoring the neighbor. No good will ever come from
conversations with him.

CPS did not find reason to investigate so that is a win for you. The
only thing that would ever get people perked up is the safety issue of
crossing the streets. Do you know about the various things available to
help keep track of a child? If you want some resources I'll provide
links.

--

Nikki, mama to 4 boys

 




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