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#11
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Sorta stood up to MIL
"Megan Byrne" wrote in message ... Lori, My DH is one of 8......can only imagine all the "crap" MIL had. Funnily enough, I'm one of 4 kids, and I don't remember having *anything* like the pile o' toys currently 'crapping' up my house. I think my parents just didn't give us many, in part because dad hates clutter, and because we could play with each other. I'm trying to get rid of some of the current crop of toys. (Free to good homes!) --angela |
#12
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Sorta stood up to MIL
You seem to have a lot of support here so I am writing this at the risk of
being flamed off the planet... My sister and I are not twins, we are about two years apart. As children we often received shared gifts. Sure we sometimes fought over them but we did not whine about it because we did not have a sense of entitlement. The truth is that nobody owed us a gift, or two gifts, so we were grateful for what we got. We said thank you and enjoyed what was given to us. I hope to raise my kids --twins and singletons-- to do the same. Maybe your m-i-l didn't express it eloquently but she's right. Two of everything will become clutter. So...what am I really trying to say? Well, first, maybe you should think about the values you'd like to pass on to your children and whether it is consistent with the message you're sending them. And second, maybe it's not really about the kids but about how you feel about your in-laws. Must dash...I've got a flame-proof suit I need to put on. Anita "Megan Byrne" wrote in message ... I asked my MIL to drop off some Dimetap today for Lexi's runny nose, so when she came over I pointed out the new ride-on Hippo. I then told her that yes, they love their fire truck, but they fight over it constantly. Charlene (SIL) of all people should know that you cannot give one toy to 2 toddlers. MIL's response was "If you had 2 of everything it would crap up your house". Nice, huh? ~Megan~ Aidan Matthew & Alexis Valerie Born September 28, 2002 www.babiesonline.com/babies/a/aidannalexis --- Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free. Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com). Version: 6.0.528 / Virus Database: 324 - Release Date: 16/10/2003 |
#13
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Sorta stood up to MIL
You seem to have a lot of support here so I am writing this at the risk of
being flamed off the planet... My sister and I are not twins, we are about two years apart. As children we often received shared gifts. Sure we sometimes fought over them but we did not whine about it because we did not have a sense of entitlement. The truth is that nobody owed us a gift, or two gifts, so we were grateful for what we got. We said thank you and enjoyed what was given to us. I hope to raise my kids --twins and singletons-- to do the same. Maybe your m-i-l didn't express it eloquently but she's right. Two of everything will become clutter. So...what am I really trying to say? Well, first, maybe you should think about the values you'd like to pass on to your children and whether it is consistent with the message you're sending them. And second, maybe it's not really about the kids but about how you feel about your in-laws. Must dash...I've got a flame-proof suit I need to put on. Anita "Megan Byrne" wrote in message ... I asked my MIL to drop off some Dimetap today for Lexi's runny nose, so when she came over I pointed out the new ride-on Hippo. I then told her that yes, they love their fire truck, but they fight over it constantly. Charlene (SIL) of all people should know that you cannot give one toy to 2 toddlers. MIL's response was "If you had 2 of everything it would crap up your house". Nice, huh? ~Megan~ Aidan Matthew & Alexis Valerie Born September 28, 2002 www.babiesonline.com/babies/a/aidannalexis --- Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free. Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com). Version: 6.0.528 / Virus Database: 324 - Release Date: 16/10/2003 |
#14
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Sorta stood up to MIL
Subject: Sorta stood up to MIL
From: "Anita" Date: Thu, Oct 23, 2003 9:56 AM Message-id: . rogers.com You seem to have a lot of support here so I am writing this at the risk of being flamed off the planet... My sister and I are not twins, Which makes your experiences largely irrelelvent to the topic at hand. we are about two years apart. As children we often received shared gifts. What are the chances of a one year old and a 3 year old having equal interest in the same toy to the point of fighting over it? Not to mention that one of you was older and was able to more grasp the concept of sharing or taking turns. This is *not* a fair nor realistic expectation for two 1 year olds. It is certainly not the same thing as expecting an 8 and 10 year old to share a book, game, or DVD. Sure we sometimes fought over them but we did not whine about it because we did not have a sense of entitlement. The truth is that nobody owed us a gift, or two gifts, so we were grateful for what we got. We said thank you and enjoyed what was given to us. I hope to raise my kids --twins and singletons-- to do the same. Maybe your m-i-l didn't express it eloquently but she's right. Two of everything will become clutter. Just because someone wants two of a few particular popular toys doesn't mean they want two of *everything*. This is, in essence, a bicycle. Did you and your sister share a bicycle and *never* 'whine' about it? I highly doubt it. We bought our girls ride on toys for their first birthday as well. They liked riding them around the house *together*. Having only one would have caused so many fights that it would have ruined the fun for them. So...what am I really trying to say? Well, first, maybe you should think about the values you'd like to pass on to your children and whether it is consistent with the message you're sending them. How about the message that they are *individuals* and deserve to be treated as such? I hope you can understand that this is far more of an issue for twins than those who are siblings a couple years apart. And second, maybe it's not really about the kids but about how you feel about your in-laws. As she said this was the traditional gift that this aunt gave to all her nieces and nephews upon turning one. But she made her children share. Even if she loved this SIL dearly, don't you think she has the right to be upset that her children are not treated the same as the rest in the family? *That* is the issue here. How would you feel if these same people giving you and your sister gifts to share were giving individual gifts (of equal value to your joint gift) to the rest of your cousins? Must dash...I've got a flame-proof suit I need to put on. Anita Back to the OP though. I just thought of something. Does this SIL have more than one child by any chance? This would be the *perfect* way to illustrate the point you need to make. Lori |
#15
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Sorta stood up to MIL
Subject: Sorta stood up to MIL
From: "Anita" Date: Thu, Oct 23, 2003 9:56 AM Message-id: . rogers.com You seem to have a lot of support here so I am writing this at the risk of being flamed off the planet... My sister and I are not twins, Which makes your experiences largely irrelelvent to the topic at hand. we are about two years apart. As children we often received shared gifts. What are the chances of a one year old and a 3 year old having equal interest in the same toy to the point of fighting over it? Not to mention that one of you was older and was able to more grasp the concept of sharing or taking turns. This is *not* a fair nor realistic expectation for two 1 year olds. It is certainly not the same thing as expecting an 8 and 10 year old to share a book, game, or DVD. Sure we sometimes fought over them but we did not whine about it because we did not have a sense of entitlement. The truth is that nobody owed us a gift, or two gifts, so we were grateful for what we got. We said thank you and enjoyed what was given to us. I hope to raise my kids --twins and singletons-- to do the same. Maybe your m-i-l didn't express it eloquently but she's right. Two of everything will become clutter. Just because someone wants two of a few particular popular toys doesn't mean they want two of *everything*. This is, in essence, a bicycle. Did you and your sister share a bicycle and *never* 'whine' about it? I highly doubt it. We bought our girls ride on toys for their first birthday as well. They liked riding them around the house *together*. Having only one would have caused so many fights that it would have ruined the fun for them. So...what am I really trying to say? Well, first, maybe you should think about the values you'd like to pass on to your children and whether it is consistent with the message you're sending them. How about the message that they are *individuals* and deserve to be treated as such? I hope you can understand that this is far more of an issue for twins than those who are siblings a couple years apart. And second, maybe it's not really about the kids but about how you feel about your in-laws. As she said this was the traditional gift that this aunt gave to all her nieces and nephews upon turning one. But she made her children share. Even if she loved this SIL dearly, don't you think she has the right to be upset that her children are not treated the same as the rest in the family? *That* is the issue here. How would you feel if these same people giving you and your sister gifts to share were giving individual gifts (of equal value to your joint gift) to the rest of your cousins? Must dash...I've got a flame-proof suit I need to put on. Anita Back to the OP though. I just thought of something. Does this SIL have more than one child by any chance? This would be the *perfect* way to illustrate the point you need to make. Lori |
#16
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Sorta stood up to MIL
Then let me make it more relevant: when my twin daughters were one they
received a ride-on toy, just like OPs did. Yes, just one. And we wrote a thank you note, taught them how to get on it together (I have photographic evidence) and enjoyed it. A gift does not an individual make. Being an individual is about character, not about possessions. I think we'd do better to find ways to demonstrate our children's individuality in how *we* treat them than by being ungracious and vindictive. A. "Rhiann1048" wrote in message ... Subject: Sorta stood up to MIL From: "Anita" Date: Thu, Oct 23, 2003 9:56 AM Message-id: . rogers.com You seem to have a lot of support here so I am writing this at the risk of being flamed off the planet... My sister and I are not twins, Which makes your experiences largely irrelelvent to the topic at hand. we are about two years apart. As children we often received shared gifts. What are the chances of a one year old and a 3 year old having equal interest in the same toy to the point of fighting over it? Not to mention that one of you was older and was able to more grasp the concept of sharing or taking turns. This is *not* a fair nor realistic expectation for two 1 year olds. It is certainly not the same thing as expecting an 8 and 10 year old to share a book, game, or DVD. Sure we sometimes fought over them but we did not whine about it because we did not have a sense of entitlement. The truth is that nobody owed us a gift, or two gifts, so we were grateful for what we got. We said thank you and enjoyed what was given to us. I hope to raise my kids --twins and singletons-- to do the same. Maybe your m-i-l didn't express it eloquently but she's right. Two of everything will become clutter. Just because someone wants two of a few particular popular toys doesn't mean they want two of *everything*. This is, in essence, a bicycle. Did you and your sister share a bicycle and *never* 'whine' about it? I highly doubt it. We bought our girls ride on toys for their first birthday as well. They liked riding them around the house *together*. Having only one would have caused so many fights that it would have ruined the fun for them. So...what am I really trying to say? Well, first, maybe you should think about the values you'd like to pass on to your children and whether it is consistent with the message you're sending them. How about the message that they are *individuals* and deserve to be treated as such? I hope you can understand that this is far more of an issue for twins than those who are siblings a couple years apart. And second, maybe it's not really about the kids but about how you feel about your in-laws. As she said this was the traditional gift that this aunt gave to all her nieces and nephews upon turning one. But she made her children share. Even if she loved this SIL dearly, don't you think she has the right to be upset that her children are not treated the same as the rest in the family? *That* is the issue here. How would you feel if these same people giving you and your sister gifts to share were giving individual gifts (of equal value to your joint gift) to the rest of your cousins? Must dash...I've got a flame-proof suit I need to put on. Anita Back to the OP though. I just thought of something. Does this SIL have more than one child by any chance? This would be the *perfect* way to illustrate the point you need to make. Lori --- Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free. Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com). Version: 6.0.528 / Virus Database: 324 - Release Date: 16/10/2003 |
#17
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Sorta stood up to MIL
Then let me make it more relevant: when my twin daughters were one they
received a ride-on toy, just like OPs did. Yes, just one. And we wrote a thank you note, taught them how to get on it together (I have photographic evidence) and enjoyed it. A gift does not an individual make. Being an individual is about character, not about possessions. I think we'd do better to find ways to demonstrate our children's individuality in how *we* treat them than by being ungracious and vindictive. A. "Rhiann1048" wrote in message ... Subject: Sorta stood up to MIL From: "Anita" Date: Thu, Oct 23, 2003 9:56 AM Message-id: . rogers.com You seem to have a lot of support here so I am writing this at the risk of being flamed off the planet... My sister and I are not twins, Which makes your experiences largely irrelelvent to the topic at hand. we are about two years apart. As children we often received shared gifts. What are the chances of a one year old and a 3 year old having equal interest in the same toy to the point of fighting over it? Not to mention that one of you was older and was able to more grasp the concept of sharing or taking turns. This is *not* a fair nor realistic expectation for two 1 year olds. It is certainly not the same thing as expecting an 8 and 10 year old to share a book, game, or DVD. Sure we sometimes fought over them but we did not whine about it because we did not have a sense of entitlement. The truth is that nobody owed us a gift, or two gifts, so we were grateful for what we got. We said thank you and enjoyed what was given to us. I hope to raise my kids --twins and singletons-- to do the same. Maybe your m-i-l didn't express it eloquently but she's right. Two of everything will become clutter. Just because someone wants two of a few particular popular toys doesn't mean they want two of *everything*. This is, in essence, a bicycle. Did you and your sister share a bicycle and *never* 'whine' about it? I highly doubt it. We bought our girls ride on toys for their first birthday as well. They liked riding them around the house *together*. Having only one would have caused so many fights that it would have ruined the fun for them. So...what am I really trying to say? Well, first, maybe you should think about the values you'd like to pass on to your children and whether it is consistent with the message you're sending them. How about the message that they are *individuals* and deserve to be treated as such? I hope you can understand that this is far more of an issue for twins than those who are siblings a couple years apart. And second, maybe it's not really about the kids but about how you feel about your in-laws. As she said this was the traditional gift that this aunt gave to all her nieces and nephews upon turning one. But she made her children share. Even if she loved this SIL dearly, don't you think she has the right to be upset that her children are not treated the same as the rest in the family? *That* is the issue here. How would you feel if these same people giving you and your sister gifts to share were giving individual gifts (of equal value to your joint gift) to the rest of your cousins? Must dash...I've got a flame-proof suit I need to put on. Anita Back to the OP though. I just thought of something. Does this SIL have more than one child by any chance? This would be the *perfect* way to illustrate the point you need to make. Lori --- Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free. Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com). Version: 6.0.528 / Virus Database: 324 - Release Date: 16/10/2003 |
#18
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Sorta stood up to MIL
I was wondering if maybe there was a financial issue here? Maybe the SIL
didn't have enough money to buy two? Also, perhaps the MIL saying two of everything would "crap up the house" was her speaking from experience, since she did have 8 children . . . it's not clear to me from the OP and I guess I've missed more posts on this topic, but if the gift was from the SIL maybe the MIL didn't appreciate you saying something to her about her daughter . . .. I don't know . . . I've just found that in-laws don't change and the only thing you can do is be gracious and deal with your emotions inside because seriously, they DON'T change, and until/if they do it's easier to take them with a grain of salt . . . don't feel like I'm trying to make you feel in the wrong, Megan, because I'm not. I understand that MIL/SIL didn't do the right thing; I just also understand that they're probably never going to. And I certainly sympathize with you, so continue venting here when you need to! And stand up for yourself when you need to, just remember that your in-laws see it so differently than you so don't let things get to you too much, if possible. Nik "Anita" wrote in message ble.rogers.com... You seem to have a lot of support here so I am writing this at the risk of being flamed off the planet... My sister and I are not twins, we are about two years apart. As children we often received shared gifts. Sure we sometimes fought over them but we did not whine about it because we did not have a sense of entitlement. The truth is that nobody owed us a gift, or two gifts, so we were grateful for what we got. We said thank you and enjoyed what was given to us. I hope to raise my kids --twins and singletons-- to do the same. Maybe your m-i-l didn't express it eloquently but she's right. Two of everything will become clutter. So...what am I really trying to say? Well, first, maybe you should think about the values you'd like to pass on to your children and whether it is consistent with the message you're sending them. And second, maybe it's not really about the kids but about how you feel about your in-laws. Must dash...I've got a flame-proof suit I need to put on. Anita snip |
#19
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Sorta stood up to MIL
I was wondering if maybe there was a financial issue here? Maybe the SIL
didn't have enough money to buy two? Also, perhaps the MIL saying two of everything would "crap up the house" was her speaking from experience, since she did have 8 children . . . it's not clear to me from the OP and I guess I've missed more posts on this topic, but if the gift was from the SIL maybe the MIL didn't appreciate you saying something to her about her daughter . . .. I don't know . . . I've just found that in-laws don't change and the only thing you can do is be gracious and deal with your emotions inside because seriously, they DON'T change, and until/if they do it's easier to take them with a grain of salt . . . don't feel like I'm trying to make you feel in the wrong, Megan, because I'm not. I understand that MIL/SIL didn't do the right thing; I just also understand that they're probably never going to. And I certainly sympathize with you, so continue venting here when you need to! And stand up for yourself when you need to, just remember that your in-laws see it so differently than you so don't let things get to you too much, if possible. Nik "Anita" wrote in message ble.rogers.com... You seem to have a lot of support here so I am writing this at the risk of being flamed off the planet... My sister and I are not twins, we are about two years apart. As children we often received shared gifts. Sure we sometimes fought over them but we did not whine about it because we did not have a sense of entitlement. The truth is that nobody owed us a gift, or two gifts, so we were grateful for what we got. We said thank you and enjoyed what was given to us. I hope to raise my kids --twins and singletons-- to do the same. Maybe your m-i-l didn't express it eloquently but she's right. Two of everything will become clutter. So...what am I really trying to say? Well, first, maybe you should think about the values you'd like to pass on to your children and whether it is consistent with the message you're sending them. And second, maybe it's not really about the kids but about how you feel about your in-laws. Must dash...I've got a flame-proof suit I need to put on. Anita snip |
#20
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Sorta stood up to MIL
Subject: Sorta stood up to MIL
From: "Anita" Date: Thu, Oct 23, 2003 11:00 AM Message-id: . rogers.com Then let me make it more relevant: when my twin daughters were one they received a ride-on toy, just like OPs did. Yes, just one. And we wrote a thank you note, taught them how to get on it together (I have photographic evidence) and enjoyed it. Mine 'fit' on their scooter together as well. But not comfortably and could not operate it very well pressed together. I wanted a toy they could use the way it was intended and help their large motor skills along the way. And although 2 years+ later they are a little big for them at this point, they still race each other around from time to time. We got our money's worth and then some from these toys. A gift does not an individual make. Being an individual is about character, not about possessions. Being expected to share gifts is just another way that twins are sometimes lumped together. It doesn't define them. No one said it did. But it is one way of many that people assume that their individual desires don't matter -- that somehow because they are twins one gift is 'good enough' and they won't mind sharing. IMO that shows a lack of respect. And I don't think that is fair to them. I think you are naive if you think this kind of treatment by others isn't going to matter to them at some point. *Especially* if they have cousins who are treated differently and they see that. I think we'd do better to find ways to demonstrate our children's individuality in how *we* treat them than by being ungracious and vindictive. Ungracious and vindictive? Wow. It is clear that you missed the point. Of course our treatment of them effects how they will develop their individuality. But since they interact with people other than us, it is up to us -- as their parents -- to stand up for them when they are treated unfairly. That is all Megan is doing and I applaud her for it. Sometimes standing up for your kids is more important than being polite. Lori A. |
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