VENT - Why do people make things difficult?

Our Girl Scouts have dues that are paid either in advance or each week. Many
actitivies, or special things are paid with this money. However, that
doesn't include a gift at the end though.
--
Sue (mom to three girls)

"bizby40" wrote in message
...

"Banty" wrote in message
...
Events like Blue and Gold dinners all had to be paid in advance - we'd
even go
through the artifice of selling the tickets for them.

That was a little different. Our den was assigned to bring the fruit and
veggie trays by the pack. Because some of the parents are so hard to get
a
hold of, and because some of the families are very flaky in their
attendance, we knew there was no way to get everyone to bring an item. So
we made the decision to get the trays and split the cost. And then, even
knowing it was a den obligation, and even knowing that the cost had to
come
out of someone's pocket, 3 of the families (out of 8) have never ponied up
their share.

Bizby

bizby40 wrote:


Our Girl Scout leaders are retiring after 5 years. All I wanted to do was
to get a little gift, show a little appreciation. After all, we haven't
given them anything as a group *ever*.

So I send out e-mail and ask for ideas - "Great idea! Thanks! Whatever
you want to do is fine!"

Grrr.

So I decide to give them a framed picture of the girls, and have the girls
sign the matte. I also decided to get a little brass plate to go on the
picture frame. I asked the parents to have their girls wear their
uniforms
to school tomorrow (regular meeting day) so I could get the picture. I
also asked for donations to pay for the framing, with whatever is left
over to be put into gift certificates for the leaders.

[snip]

So I'm a bit surprised at how few people have responded at all. And
rather
frustrated by those being difficult about it. And honestly, I didn't know
what to say to the woman whose daughter doesn't have a sash or vest. I
know
her well enough to know money isn't the issue. Her son has a full scout
uniform, and both kids are well equipped for the many sports they play. I
[snip]

It is possible that she was given a second-hand Scout uniform for her son,
but not for her daughter.

Anyway, I do have one question. If the bulk of the parents donated, then
I
was planning to give the pictures from the "troop". However, if only 4 or
5
out of 23 help out, what should I do? Should I give only the people that
donated a chance to sign the card? Would you feel cheated if everyone who
did nothing was given the same "credit" as you if you donated?

I would give the picture and the card from the troop, and the gift
certificates from the people who donated.

--
Penny Gaines
UK mum to three

Banty wrote:

In article , bizby40 says...


"Banty" wrote in message
...
Events like Blue and Gold dinners all had to be paid in advance - we'd
even go
through the artifice of selling the tickets for them.

That was a little different. Our den was assigned to bring the fruit and
veggie trays by the pack. Because some of the parents are so hard to get a
hold of, and because some of the families are very flaky in their
attendance, we knew there was no way to get everyone to bring an item. So
we made the decision to get the trays and split the cost. And then, even
knowing it was a den obligation, and even knowing that the cost had to come
out of someone's pocket, 3 of the families (out of 8) have never ponied up
their share.

In our Cub Scout pack, the Blue and Gold dinners were catered; the year-end
picnic was potluck. Which people were really glad for by and large - nice to
have an event that you just attend and enjoy. And not eat the umpteenth potato
salad. The organizers' job was nonetheless large, getting the venue, setting up
the menu (ziti pasta), the presentations and pins and badges, table settings.

For the picnic, people by and large don't arrive with nothing - people are
pretty good about potlucks. There's the embarassment factor I guess

One of the first things I had to attend when Bob checked into the
first squadron he was assigned to, was a 4th a July picnic.
Attendance was MANDATORY, even though Bob had the duty and wouldn't be
there, and I was 8 months pg.

I was assigned to bring potato salad for 50 people. I had never made
potato salad, and really didn't want to make it, plus we had only one
car and Bob would have it on the base because he had the duty. When I
brought this up, the organizer said she'd have a bachelor come over
and get the potato salad to take it to the picnic!! I think she said
he'd bring me too if I wanted. I thought this was incredible cheek,
but Bob was the newest kid on the block, so I bought potatoes and got
out my cookbook and made the salad, and went to the picnic.

I've never liked making potato salad since, and actually I don't think
I have ever made it again. I buy stuff for potlucks if what someone
assigns to me isn't what I want to make. If they ask me to volunteer,
I will make something, but not if I'm assigned.



grandma Rosalie

bizby40 wrote:

"Sue" wrote in message
...
"bizby40" wrote in message
People that don't read their e-mail is another peeve of mine. :-)

Are you sure people who have email know how to use it? Many of the
parents in the girls' troops don't know how to use their email. Send
correspondance
through the child at school, mail it or call.

Okay, people who have e-mail and don't learn to use it is a third peeve of
mine!**:-)

I have email, and know how to use it, but I get so much spam in my inbox
that I ignore anything sent in non-plain-text from a name I don't recognise.
Often I ignore anything from names I don't recognise.

Personally, I get tired of all the nickel and diming that gets asked of
us for different projects, field trips, gifts for teachers and with three
kids
it starts to add up. I do think $10 is a bit much. I would lower it to
$5.

Well, I didn't intend to give an amount at all, until a couple different
people asked.**To*me,*$10*split*between*two*people*isn't* much
at all.**So*that's*what*I*said.**I*don't*think*I*word ed*it*in*such*a*way
that people should have taken it as an obligation to give that much,
or to give any at all.**I*guess*that's*one*reason*why*I'm*so*annoyed .
I'm just trying to do something nice for a couple of people who deserve
it, and now I have to worry about exactly how everything I say is
worded so that everyone is happy.

We don't split things like that in our family: either I pay the lot, or dh
pays the lot. It adds up when you have more then one child in the
activity - you might be seeing "$5 per parent", which seems reasonable, but
I'd be seeing "$20 for my two girls", which is an expense.

--
Penny Gaines
UK mum to three

bizby40 wrote:
Our Girl Scout leaders are retiring after 5 years. All I wanted to
do was
to get a little gift, show a little appreciation. After all, we
haven't
given them anything as a group *ever*.

So I send out e-mail and ask for ideas - "Great idea! Thanks!
Whatever you
want to do is fine!"

Grrr.

So I decide to give them a framed picture of the girls, and have the
girls
sign the matte. I also decided to get a little brass plate to go on
the
picture frame. I asked the parents to have their girls wear their
uniforms
to school tomorrow (regular meeting day) so I could get the picture.
I also
asked for donations to pay for the framing, with whatever is left
over to be
put into gift certificates for the leaders.

"How much should we donate?"

"Oh, I don't know, how about $10"

"$10 is too much!"

"Okay, well whatever you want is fine."

"My daughter doesn't have a uniform!"

"I only meant her sash or vest -- most of the girls don't have full
uniforms."

"Well, *my* daughter doesn't have a sash or vest!"

Grrr.

"Look, wear whatever you want -- show up or don't show up -- donate
or don't
donate -- I *don't* care anymore! Why did I ever get into this???"

Okay, I didn't actually send out that last one, but the others all
went back
and forth. Now I know why I'm not the one to try to organize
anything from
a group. Too much hassle. You know, I didn't expect every parent to

donate, but this isn't a collection for the co-worker you didn't
really like
in the first place, these two women have put in countless hours over
the
course of 5 long years for *our* children! There are ~15 regular
meetings
during the year, plus field trips, camping and so forth. It's a
tremendous
amount of work, and I'm personally ashamed that we've never done
anything as
a group to show our appreciation. I've given them token thank you
gifts in
the past, as have a few others, but the bulk of the parents have not.

So I'm a bit surprised at how few people have responded at all. And
rather
frustrated by those being difficult about it. And honestly, I didn't
know
what to say to the woman whose daughter doesn't have a sash or vest.
I know
her well enough to know money isn't the issue. Her son has a full
scout
uniform, and both kids are well equipped for the many sports they
play. I
mean, obviously she doesn't need to have the vest to be in the
picture, but
why the heck doesn't she have it? It's not even the girl's first
year in
scouts!

Anyway, I do have one question. If the bulk of the parents donated,
then I
was planning to give the pictures from the "troop". However, if only
4 or 5
out of 23 help out, what should I do? Should I give only the people
that
donated a chance to sign the card? Would you feel cheated if
everyone who
did nothing was given the same "credit" as you if you donated?

Bizby

It's a nice idea but these things do tend to accumulate and become, if
not overwhelming, a major annoyance.
It seems like someone is constantly organizing an impromptu fundraiser.
I don't think of myself as a cheapskate and I try to do my part but
between family and close friends, the clubs and activities of my two
children, pre-school classes, neighborhood kids, and the hat passing
and fundraising that goes on at the office it sometimes drives me
crazy. If you're the fifth person hitting me up that week I might blow
you off.
And my kids aren't even regular school age yet. It's going to get so
much worse.

In article , Rosalie B. says...

Banty wrote:

In article , bizby40 says...


"Banty" wrote in message
...
Events like Blue and Gold dinners all had to be paid in advance - we'd
even go
through the artifice of selling the tickets for them.

That was a little different. Our den was assigned to bring the fruit and
veggie trays by the pack. Because some of the parents are so hard to get a
hold of, and because some of the families are very flaky in their
attendance, we knew there was no way to get everyone to bring an item. So
we made the decision to get the trays and split the cost. And then, even
knowing it was a den obligation, and even knowing that the cost had to come
out of someone's pocket, 3 of the families (out of 8) have never ponied up
their share.

In our Cub Scout pack, the Blue and Gold dinners were catered; the year-end
picnic was potluck. Which people were really glad for by and large - nice to
have an event that you just attend and enjoy. And not eat the umpteenth potato
salad. The organizers' job was nonetheless large, getting the venue, setting up
the menu (ziti pasta), the presentations and pins and badges, table settings.

For the picnic, people by and large don't arrive with nothing - people are
pretty good about potlucks. There's the embarassment factor I guess

One of the first things I had to attend when Bob checked into the
first squadron he was assigned to, was a 4th a July picnic.
Attendance was MANDATORY, even though Bob had the duty and wouldn't be
there, and I was 8 months pg.

I was assigned to bring potato salad for 50 people. I had never made
potato salad, and really didn't want to make it, plus we had only one
car and Bob would have it on the base because he had the duty. When I
brought this up, the organizer said she'd have a bachelor come over
and get the potato salad to take it to the picnic!! I think she said
he'd bring me too if I wanted. I thought this was incredible cheek,
but Bob was the newest kid on the block, so I bought potatoes and got
out my cookbook and made the salad, and went to the picnic.

I've never liked making potato salad since, and actually I don't think
I have ever made it again. I buy stuff for potlucks if what someone
assigns to me isn't what I want to make. If they ask me to volunteer,
I will make something, but not if I'm assigned.

Yeah - a potluck reasonably organized will specify 'main dish' 'salad', etc. but
no more.

If you have a kuntrol-phreaky organizer, stuff like this can happen. We had
this at our Boy Scout year end - I was assinged pasta salad. Well, i hate pasta
salad, I dint' know a decent recipe for pasta salad, and I sure as heck didn't
want to take a bunch of unwanted pasta salad home. But there was no telling the
organizer things usually happen differntly and work better that way - she's a
home ec instructor. So she assigned me a veggie plate 'well can you handle a
veggie plate?" Grrr.

So I brought the veggie plate - to discover that she had three people bring
pasta salads, three people bring potato salad, and three people bring veggie
plates. As if everyone puts 1 pasta salad, 1 potato salad, and 1 'veggie plate'
on their dishes to eat. None of this made sense, was boring to boot, and was a
pretty good example of nitty-picky micromanaged over-organizing. My friend, by
time the organizer got to her, had been worn down a bit, and she just told her
'oh I have something everyone will like' and the organizer intoned "well fine!".
So I at least had some nice kasha salad to eat at the picnic.

So next year, I say 'oh I have something everyone will like' and bring something
interesting like a cilantro salad

Banty

In article ,
"bizby40" wrote:

Anyway, I do have one question. If the bulk of the parents donated, then I
was planning to give the pictures from the "troop". However, if only 4 or 5
out of 23 help out, what should I do? Should I give only the people that
donated a chance to sign the card? Would you feel cheated if everyone who
did nothing was given the same "credit" as you if you donated?

Personally, I'd still want it sent from "the troop". It wouldn't bother
me that others had not donated but still shared the credit. I think it
will mean more to the people receiving the gift if it is from "the
troop" (or "the troop parents") than from a handful of people, and this
is about them, not about the people giving the gift.
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

"lenny fackler" wrote in message
oups.com...

bizby40 wrote:
Our Girl Scout leaders are retiring after 5 years. All I wanted to
do was
to get a little gift, show a little appreciation. After all, we
haven't
given them anything as a group *ever*.

It's a nice idea but these things do tend to accumulate and become, if
not overwhelming, a major annoyance.
It seems like someone is constantly organizing an impromptu fundraiser.
I don't think of myself as a cheapskate and I try to do my part but
between family and close friends, the clubs and activities of my two
children, pre-school classes, neighborhood kids, and the hat passing
and fundraising that goes on at the office it sometimes drives me
crazy. If you're the fifth person hitting me up that week I might blow
you off.
And my kids aren't even regular school age yet. It's going to get so
much worse.


So, do you consider mother's day presents for your mother a "fund raiser"?
These are people who volunteered their time for 5 years for these girls.
Ten dollars for a thank you gift does not seem out of line. I would want to
tell these folks, if you don't appreciate the time volunteers are putting in
for your children, be it scouts or coaching teams or whatever, don't send
the kids. If you are too busy to respond to emails or come up with thank
yous or remind your child to dress for a picture you could probably get all
sorts of time back by cutting back on these activities altogether. This
just reminds me of the bride and groom who feel they don't need to do thank
you notes for the gifts because they are too busy.

So, for the poster whose kids aren't even regular school age, if you don't
have time to at least thank the volunteers, if not help with the
troop/team/group, don't sign the kids up for their activities. It's really
that simple.

Bizby

i have not had time to read all of the posts, but if you sent out the emails
at the end of last week or this week,
spring break may be a reason for no response. I never check my email from
home, and if I were off this week would not know about your request till
next week.

his may not be the case, but an explaination for lack of resoponse?

hugs,
jojo

"Banty" wrote in message
...
In article , bizby40 says...


"Jeff" wrote in message
.. .

One other thing that crossed my mind is that there might be other
parents
who are planning to do something for the leaders. In which case, you
would expect someone to clue you into it so you could work togother or
whatever. (Nothing you said in your post suggested that you wouldn't
work
with someone else - in fact, I get the opposite imporssion - or that
you
wouldn't get out of the way and let the other person do whatever.)

Oh, yeah. I would have been way happy to get out of the way and let
someone else take over!

I understand your frustration with the email thing and calling people. I
had two kids on my soccer team whose family (they were cousins living
in
the same household). They spoke Spanish at home. When I called, I got
"no
english" and they hung up. I ended up sending a let or postcard when the
next practice or game was with a copy of the schedule. I gave up trying
to contact htem after that.

That's like one of our cub scouts. We're not sure if his family still
considers
him to be in the den or not. So they're still on the e-mail distribution
list,
but we make no other effort to contact them.


Sooner or later you drop them for not paying pack dues, no?

Banty

You re-up at the February pack meeting, except that us Tigers didn't
register until this past September, so we're all registered until *next*
February. That said, we'll drop them next September if they don't
show up at the first pack meeting.

Bizby