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#1
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Does your preschooler sit at the dinner table with the family?
My boys are 4, 8 and 11yo. When we sit down for a family dinner, we don't currently force the 4yo to join us. We sometimes give him something to eat earlier if he's hungry, but more often that not he basically skips dinner, or eats only a few bites. He's very tiny, but completely healthy. But he really doesn't eat much, especially at dinnertime. My question is not about feeding him, as we have worked out a plan with his pediatrician where he is healthy and growing, albeit slowly. My question is, if your young child is done eating his dinner before the rest of the family, do you expect him to stay at the table with you? We usually let him go off to play or watch a video. And frankly, we prefer to do that because it makes mealtimes much more relaxed for the rest of us. We do make our older children stay at the table for a reasonable amount of time, and I think we started with them before they were 4yo. But this one just doesn't seem "inclined" to sit still for a while at that time of day. (He eats lunch with his group at preschool, so he does get "experience" with group mealtime behavior.) Any thoughts? --Robyn .. |
#2
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Robyn Kozierok wrote:
My boys are 4, 8 and 11yo. When we sit down for a family dinner, we don't currently force the 4yo to join us. We sometimes give him something to eat earlier if he's hungry, but more often that not he basically skips dinner, or eats only a few bites. He's very tiny, but completely healthy. But he really doesn't eat much, especially at dinnertime. My question is not about feeding him, as we have worked out a plan with his pediatrician where he is healthy and growing, albeit slowly. My question is, if your young child is done eating his dinner before the rest of the family, do you expect him to stay at the table with you? We usually let him go off to play or watch a video. And frankly, we prefer to do that because it makes mealtimes much more relaxed for the rest of us. We do make our older children stay at the table for a reasonable amount of time, and I think we started with them before they were 4yo. But this one just doesn't seem "inclined" to sit still for a while at that time of day. (He eats lunch with his group at preschool, so he does get "experience" with group mealtime behavior.) When ours were preschoolers, they left when they were done. As you know, squirmy kids do not a pleasant dining experience make. Even now, DD and DS will sometimes be excused (they do have to ask) before I or my wife are done eating. I guess they kind of have to ask -- we eat in a nook, and they're on the inside seats next to the wall Usually they have something to do when they ask. More and more, recently, we are all finishing at about the same time, which is convenient because DD and DS have acquired the chore of loading the dishwasher. Scott DD 11 and DS 9 |
#3
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We do expect our children to stay at the table with us for a little
while when they are done eating. For a long time our evening meals were quite unpleasant because we (my husband and I) didn't really have anything better to do that critique their manners. My husband came up with an evening conversation plan that has helped all of us enjoy the time whether we are eating or not. Everyone actually looks forward to dinner because we get to share. Our plan: What was one good thing and one bad thing that happened to you today? Our 6 year old is able to participate fully at this point. Our 5 year old still uses the game as an acceptable form of tattling from time to time. Our 2 1/2 year old reports the same things every day. We start this after everyone has been served and has started eating. It usually takes us about 3 to 5 minutes apiece--total 20 minutes or so. I don't think sitting still is necessarily the key for a 4 year old as much as making the meal a social time that he is "engaged" in what is going on around the table with his family. You mentioned that your son is getting social involvement at preschool, but I feel that family involvement is uniquely different. We had one surprise outcome of the plan: When someone gets down from the table for a reason other than to get another fork/napkin/etc or go to the bathroom, their plate and cup is removed. Losing your plate before you get to share is more or less considered capital punishment by the 5 and 6 year old. Karen |
#4
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Robyn Kozierok wrote:
My question is, if your young child is done eating his dinner before the rest of the family, do you expect him to stay at the table with you? No. I even tell them they can go do something else if they are done but they usually won't go. They are a lot of work if they are sitting there but not hungry so I wouldn't mind at all! I do have a rule that once you leave, your meal is over. If my 4yo isn't hungry he spends his time testing limits at meal time. This is his all time favorite pass time, lol. It sounds as if the before meal snacking is meeting your over all nutrition goal so I wouldn't sweat the part about sitting at the table. Mine just turned 4yo and 6yo. -- Nikki |
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#6
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In article ,
Karen G wrote: You mentioned that your son is getting social involvement at preschool, but I feel that family involvement is uniquely different. Oh, sure, I didn't mean to suggest that *all* of his social involvement happens at preschool, but that because they eat a communal meal together (served "family style", not lunchboxes from home) they get age-appropriate practice in the niceties of eating a meal with others ("please pass...", "excuse me", etc...) I think he does get a lot of social interaction with the rest of us at various times, just not at the dinner table. --Robyn .. |
#7
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Karen G wrote:
We do expect our children to stay at the table with us for a little while when they are done eating.**For*a*long*time*our*evening*meals*were quite unpleasant because we (my husband and I) didn't really have anything better to do that critique their manners.**My*husband*came*up with an evening conversation plan that has helped all of us enjoy the time whether we are eating or not.**Everyone*actually*looks*forward*to dinner because we get to share. This really helps in our family as well: we don't neccessaily insist on anyone making conversation, but if one kid is saying they aren't hungry, and hence don't want to come to the meal table, we tell them it is their job to make polite conversation. Depending on which kid, they may then eat something. -- Penny Gaines UK mum to three |
#8
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On 2005-05-10, Nikki wrote:
I do have a rule that once you leave, your meal is over. If we had this rule, my son would use it almost every day to skip dinner. Food does not motivate him! We do require him to stay at the table until he has tasted each of the dishes (we don't require him to eat everything, just taste), and he has to ask politely to be excused from the table. We started those rules around age 5, if I remember right. The other dinner rule is "no reading". (We have an exception for reading aloud something to share with the family.) This rule has been hard on him (and on me), since our natural inclination is to read while we eat, but it has helped us have conversations at dinner. Reading is ok at breakfast and lunch, just not the evening meal. For breakfast and sometimes for lunch, he uses a cookbook holder to hold the book and protect it from food splashes. ------------------------------------------------------------ Kevin Karplus http://www.soe.ucsc.edu/~karplus Professor of Biomolecular Engineering, University of California, Santa Cruz Undergraduate and Graduate Director, Bioinformatics (Senior member, IEEE) (Board of Directors, ISCB) life member (LAB, Adventure Cycling, American Youth Hostels) Effective Cycling Instructor #218-ck (lapsed) Affiliations for identification only. |
#9
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In article ,
dragonlady wrote: My kids sat at the table for dinner from infancy on. Seriously: if they were awake, we put them in their seats on the table. Once they were big enough for high chairs, that's where they were during dinner. It was easier when they were babies. They needed direct supervision anyhow, so where else could they be? It's that stretch between the high chair age and the time when they have the patience to sit still for a few minutes that is the hard part. With one, we had to make a rule that she had to stay at the dinner table for a certain number of minutes, because otherwise she'd announce she was full so she could run back outside to play, and then come in at bed time starving. We didn't make her eat -- I've never forced my kids to eat -- but if she stayed at the table she DID eat. Yeah, one of my older kids was like that for a while, and we said he had to stay at the table for X minutes, or until he was done with (some reasonable portion of) his meal. Like your daughter, if he was stuck at the table anyway, he usually did eat. By making it more about the family being together than about the food, it seemed to help. I guess we're overall not that big into mealtimes being a social time. We are pretty "down to business" at dinner time. For better or for worse, we eat more than we talk. We have family "hang out" time at other times, particularly weekend mornings, where activities, when present, start much later and give us time to just "be" together, enjoy one another, and talk. --Robyn .. |
#10
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Kevin Karplus wrote:
On 2005-05-10, Nikki wrote: I do have a rule that once you leave, your meal is over. If we had this rule, my son would use it almost every day to skip dinner. Food does not motivate him! Lucky for me the one that wants to run run run (4yo) is the one with an appetite!! My 6yo would skip meals but he stays at the table better. He also eats better since he's been in school. I don't think he eats much lunch. He has turned into fidget/squirm king but he never wants to leave. The other dinner rule is "no reading". (We have an exception for reading aloud something to share with the family.) This rule has been hard on him (and on me), since our natural inclination is to read while we eat, but it has helped us have conversations at dinner. I'd have never thought of that! I made a 'no TV at supper' rule. My dh loves tv. He turns cartoons on in the morning. They sit still but they don't eat very well. -- Nikki |
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