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#11
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I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people
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#12
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I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people
"Vero" wrote in message " She's more my friend than my mom. she's real cool." Obviously part of the problem. |
#13
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I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people
Well everyone, yes I am still in school. I'm a junior and retrieving my credits at a continuation school. It's really easy so for my senior year I'll be back in regular high school. My mom wasn't a teen parent she just loves me alot because I'm the first born girl. She's more my friend than my mom. she's real cool. It's her birthday today the 19th. So it'll be fun.
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#14
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I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people
Subject: I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people
From: "'Kate Date: 3/18/2004 11:38 PM Eastern Standard Time On 19 Mar 2004 03:56:19 GMT, (Bebelestrnge) snipped stuff So in a nutshell yes I am to blame to a point. I did do the best I could under the circumstances. I know I never wanted to hurt anyone. Yep. I know. sigh Feel better now? Cause you sound exhausted. I can't imagine that you have enough time to spend with Mari let alone take ten minutes out for yourself and if you don't take care of yourself, you're not going to be able to do anything for anyone. I feel really numb, emotionally exhausted, fried and crispy, crunchy... I think you know what I mean. Spending time with Mari has been an interesting adventure We do make time for eachother and the phone lines are always smoking . We go out to eat at least once a week. She is off from work every Friday and Saturday , she works a double every Sunday that sucks for sure I have every other Sat to spend with her and I am home every other tues.and thurs. although we do have the baby on those days till three. The baby goes to her fathers parents every other weekend and the kids go out those weekends here and there for a few hours . So alone time happens and we sleep, LOL! No just a joke! O.K. not funny we sleep many times. So far we seem to have enough of each other to be content, well at least she says she is content and happy and where she wants to be. I am still learning to allow myself this that I feel. Next weekend we are going away somewhere, ALONE to celebrate 2 years of together. No I do not take care of myself......... I am not done punishing myself just yet. I know what you are saying and I know you are right "maybe tomorrow" "yeah tomorrow" ................... 'Kate |
#15
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I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people
Subject: I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people From: "'Kate Date: 3/18/2004 11:52 PM Eastern Standard Time Message-id: On 19 Mar 2004 04:22:47 GMT, (Bebelestrnge) Bev wrote: actually she moved in with the 35 year old father of their first child when she was 16 , Her mother, my sister has been sick and terminal with AIDS since her daughter was seven or eight years old.The girl was raised mostly by my parents not my sister and yeah dysfunctional that is my family how about yours ? g I really try not to admit it LOL! last I looked the world was pretty dysfunctional itself........we fit in. Kate wrote: My dysfunctional family includes a lot of people who never knew how to communicate with each other. There are and were a lot of unnecessary hard feelings. I hope not to pass that on to my children but I probably am despite my intentions. If that's true, then my children, without therapy, will probably have dysfunctional marriages wherein my daughters will become doormats, gain 30 lbs, and be terribly unhappy and my son will be oblivious to anything but his 6 pack of beer and remote control when his wife walks out with their kids. If, by some stroke of luck, I succeed and can teach them how to have a good marriage, then I'll have beaten the odds and done for them what two generations of family couldn't do for my siblings and me. Although how I'm going to do that without a spouse is still a mystery. Bev wrote: They would probably figure out a blow up doll huh ? They don't talk much ........... Wouldn't make a very good "functional" role model either. Hmmmmmmmmm g I'm outta ideas. I know you will do the best you can to make a difference. Your children are lucky to have you, you are a good mother, I can see that. Bev 'Kate |
#16
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I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people
Subject: I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people From: lm Date: 3/19/2004 10:32 AM Eastern Standard Time Message-id: On 19 Mar 2004 03:56:19 GMT, (Bebelestrnge Why can't a baby go out in 20 degree weather? She won't get RSV from wind. Why take a 3 month old baby that just recovered from a severe respiratory infection out in 20 degrees? No you can't get the virus from the wind , I was told it comes from a respiratory infection ? Why are two broke teenagers with a baby spending money at Burger King? They are not broke? My daughter has SSI income and her B/F is working? They spend money at the movies and bowling too ...........Are you serious they should not do these things occasionally? Are they supposed to be punished for having a baby? I bet they would possibly be even more so in need of some away time than adult parents need to be away from the children at times? They are under a lot of stress and need to unwind too I think. I would suggest you leave or otherwise make yourself unavailable when the parents are on duty with the baby. They're not learning anything when you're there, and you're not getting a break. They're not going to drop the baby on her head while you're gone. They won't know what it is to actually be parents until they have to behave like parents. Give yourself a break now or you'll never get one. ,Major big ole sigh I do do all of that and where do you think I am up there butts like that? I am not , I am too damn exhausted after work to put up with much. I get up at 4 a.m. I work on my feet for 8 hours, cook breakfast and lunch for 60 people prep for the next day, daily cleaning chore like clean a friggen oven(oh I hate that one!) and I drive an hour to work and an hour home by 4 in the afternoon I like a nice nap Yes I am beginning to take more breaks it has been 3 months the basics have been taught yes they need more responsibility and yes they are indeed getting it. lm Bev 'Kate |
#18
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I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people
Subject: I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people From: lm Date: 3/19/2004 10:32 AM Eastern Standard Time Message-id: On 19 Mar 2004 03:56:19 GMT, (Bebelestrnge Why can't a baby go out in 20 degree weather? She won't get RSV from wind. Why take a 3 month old baby that just recovered from a severe respiratory infection out in 20 degrees? No you can't get the virus from the wind , I was told it comes from a respiratory infection ? You said you told them not to take the baby out because it was cold. I'm saying it's not something you needed to advise them about, as the cold would not have hurt the baby unless they left her out in it. I guess we just disagree ........which is o.k. Why are two broke teenagers with a baby spending money at Burger King? They are not broke? My daughter has SSI income and her B/F is working? They spend money at the movies and bowling too ...........Are you serious they should not do these things occasionally? You brought it up as an example. Yes, I do think they should get a break occasionally, but from the day-in-the-life you described, they don't spend much time with their baby as it is, and rare is the new parent that gets movie and bowling and restaurant breaks like that. Yes exactly what I have been trying to explain to my daughter , that the time they do get to spend with Jaime is not that much 6-7 hours a day for my daughter and less for Jimmy...........but then again in most families of mother father and children I guess that is pretty normal ? I agree most parents do not get these things that often , part of keeping a relationship strong is to take that time though . We have been trying to help them grow in their relationship as well, they are crying an awful lot both of them (yeah I know, they should be ) look what they have done . Jimmys' parents are not supportive of him, he has become like a son to us and he comes to us a lot. We are trying the best way we know how to help them make it through the stress they are feeling. We let them do these things when they are not responsible for Jaime.(like this weekend the baby is at his parents....yeah I know isn't that supporting him, I mean emotionally his mother is constantly putting him down.They are lectured regularly here by Mari and myself on how lucky they are to have the ability to do this stuff and to remember when they get out on their own it may not be an option due to lack of babysitter and or money ! Another reason I do what I do is to show them the way it would be to be responsible parents and not act like two teenagers flitting about without thinking of the baby first, One go get the BK they so have to have and one stay home safe and warm with the infant? I could be wrong I have been known to be kinda "Anal" g Are they supposed to be punished for having a baby? No, but their lives are supposed to change, and the baby is supposed to be their first priority. Exactly what I am trying to point out to them ! I bet they would possibly be even more so in need of some away time than adult parents need to be away from the children at times? They are under a lot of stress and need to unwind too I think. I would suggest you leave or otherwise make yourself unavailable when the parents are on duty with the baby. They're not learning anything when you're there, and you're not getting a break. They're not going to drop the baby on her head while you're gone. They won't know what it is to actually be parents until they have to behave like parents. Give yourself a break now or you'll never get one. ,Major big ole sigh I do do all of that and where do you think I am up there butts like that? I am not , I am too damn exhausted after work to put up with much. I get up at 4 a.m. I work on my feet for 8 hours, cook breakfast and lunch for 60 people prep for the next day, daily cleaning chore like clean a friggen oven(oh I hate that one!) and I drive an hour to work and an hour home by 4 in the afternoon I like a nice nap Yes I am beginning to take more breaks it has been 3 months the basics have been taught yes they need more responsibility and yes they are indeed getting it. Major big ole sigh? You're welcome. LMAO ! Yes Thank you Bev lm |
#19
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I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people
Subject: I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people
From: "'Kate Date: 3/19/2004 8:37 PM Eastern Standard Time Message-id: On 19 Mar 2004 23:07:35 GMT, (Bebelestrnge) No I do not take care of myself......... I am not done punishing myself just yet. I know what you are saying and I know you are right "maybe tomorrow" "yeah tomorrow" Hate to state the obvious (and I'm glad you're making time for your relationship) but... Arghh the but ! you *have* to stop being mad at yourself. yeah soon , It certainly is not doing me any good, It is hard though......... You forgive everyone else for everything but you cannot forgive yourself? That is pretty f*ed up isn't it, comes from having a rotten mother that didn't show me the normal love, never could be perfect enough to make her love me, I tried so damn hard to be perfect for her. Wasn't good enough you know............. I did have therapy for this ya know it kinda worked smile I am what is left Who made you so f8ing special, Bev, that you can't screw up and still deserve the same basic things that other human beings need? Hmmmmm? It is that I don't see myself at all special let alone f8ing special , Kate, I have screwed up, and I do try to teach my kids that it is o.k. to screw up as long as you learn from it and improve by it. My own advice does me no good. "I shoulda this I shoulda that" "I didn't this I didn't that" It is guilt I know what it is it is the one thing that no matter how I look at myself after all that has happened I can't shake it? I can't be sorry that is not good enough, I can't physically suffer enough I am trying to find the feel better , to hope , to open up what I have closed inside. I still have some really bad days. Heaven forbid I am happy, sometimes I am simply fighting to not push it all away, cause ya know "I don't deserve this" I know I'm being hard on you but that's just tough. Yeah you are being hard on me I don't expect anything less ......... I know. Bev 'Kate |
#20
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I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people
ubject: I'm a 16 year old mom I wanna chat w/ people
From: "'Kate Date: 3/19/2004 8:41 PM Eastern Standard Time Message-id: On 19 Mar 2004 23:35:27 GMT, (Bebelestrnge) They would probably figure out a blow up doll huh ? They don't talk much That'd be my family. We talk around the issues we all recognised quite nicely. It comes from having deep "family secrets" I suppose. Wouldn't make a very good "functional" role model either. Hmmmmmmmmm g I'm outta ideas. I know you will do the best you can to make a difference. Your children are lucky to have you, you are a good mother, I can see that. Yeah, who knows? My oldest turned out fine but the family structure was different then. We never know whether we did a good enough job until they're out on their own a few decades adjusting to their own ever changing life circumstances. I know what you are saying...I see the same with my oldest Jess her dad and I were together her first 6 years, I was a stay at home mom then (prisoner actually) I wanted to work.He wanted control. Anyway, she has turned into a mighty fine young woman with the drive to get where she is going. Sara had a much rougher start, has dealt with much loss and suffering from her dad that won't give her the time of day, my dads death , Gayles death, losing me there for a while, she is trying and I know she struggles with her "inner demons" "with the mental illness" label . I want only one thing for them and that is to have love and happiness in their lives and you are right who knows? Lets hope! Bev 'Kate |
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