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#1
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Proud To Be Single Parent !!!!!!
There is a lot of negativity flying around about single parents and i
don't really understand it. I am single and PROUD of the fact that take care of my children alone. I didn't choose to do it alone and i don't see it any differently then if the other parent had died. I live in a small old fashioned community that has a lot of conservative elderly people. These people who were raised strict catholics don't look down on me for being alone or having children without being married. In fact, they are proud of me as well. They see that i am stronger then most and do the work of two. They see the love, care, attention, and affection that i give double. They see my struggles and pains and my refusal to give up. It doesn't matter what a troll or flamer has to say. They are unaware of what we go through. They also don't know the posative that comes from it. My daughter is only 6 and already she had told me that she prefers to have one great parent then two lousy ones. Hold your head up high and be proud. |
#2
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"Carrie" wrote in message ... There is a lot of negativity flying around about single parents and i don't really understand it. I am single and PROUD of the fact that take care of my children alone. I didn't choose to do it alone and i don't see it any differently then if the other parent had died. I live in a small old fashioned community that has a lot of conservative elderly people. These people who were raised strict catholics don't look down on me for being alone or having children without being married. In fact, they are proud of me as well. They see that i am stronger then most and do the work of two. They see the love, care, attention, and affection that i give double. They see my struggles and pains and my refusal to give up. It doesn't matter what a troll or flamer has to say. They are unaware of what we go through. They also don't know the posative that comes from it. My daughter is only 6 and already she had told me that she prefers to have one great parent then two lousy ones. Hold your head up high and be proud. I wouldn't say I'm proud for having children out of wedlock, I would have much rather had a lovely, responsible husband and done the whole traditional bit... but since I didn't, and I can't change the past, I am proud of the fact I'm doing the best job I can. Christine |
#3
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"CME" wrote in message news:qMPUc.37629$fz2.35522@edtnps89... "Carrie" wrote in message ... There is a lot of negativity flying around about single parents and i don't really understand it. I am single and PROUD of the fact that take care of my children alone. I didn't choose to do it alone and i don't see it any differently then if the other parent had died. I live in a small old fashioned community that has a lot of conservative elderly people. These people who were raised strict catholics don't look down on me for being alone or having children without being married. In fact, they are proud of me as well. They see that i am stronger then most and do the work of two. They see the love, care, attention, and affection that i give double. They see my struggles and pains and my refusal to give up. It doesn't matter what a troll or flamer has to say. They are unaware of what we go through. They also don't know the posative that comes from it. My daughter is only 6 and already she had told me that she prefers to have one great parent then two lousy ones. Hold your head up high and be proud. I wouldn't say I'm proud for having children out of wedlock, I would have much rather had a lovely, responsible husband and done the whole traditional bit... but since I didn't, and I can't change the past, I am proud of the fact I'm doing the best job I can. Being a single mother is not ideal but I'll tell you something - I rather be a single mother than to not have given birth to my son. He makes it all worth it, even when he's throwing a temper tantrum and I'm dead tired. If I could do it all over again, I'd do it the same way. I'm glad I didn't get married because I'm sure it's a hassle getting divorced. |
#4
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"Carrie" wrote in message ... There is a lot of negativity flying around about single parents and i don't really understand it. I am single and PROUD of the fact that take care of my children alone. I didn't choose to do it alone and i don't see it any differently then if the other parent had died. I live in a small old fashioned community that has a lot of conservative elderly people. These people who were raised strict catholics don't look down on me for being alone or having children without being married. In fact, they are proud of me as well. They see that i am stronger then most and do the work of two. They see the love, care, attention, and affection that i give double. They see my struggles and pains and my refusal to give up. It doesn't matter what a troll or flamer has to say. They are unaware of what we go through. They also don't know the posative that comes from it. My daughter is only 6 and already she had told me that she prefers to have one great parent then two lousy ones. Hold your head up high and be proud. I'm proud of the job I'm doing as a single parent, but I wouldn't have chosen single parenting. I made bad decisions when I was younger, and now my son has to live with choices I made. I was with a man who was unable to think of anyone but himself, and was abusive when things didn't go his way. Am I glad I got out? YES! Am I glad I raise my son alone? Given the choice I had at the time, yes I am. Would I do things differently if I could. DEFINITELY! There are so many times I wish I weren't a single parent. It's not an easy job, but for me it was better to be single than dead. As my son gets older, he discovers more about himself, and I'm certain he thinks about his father. He's asked questions, and I've answered them the best way I know how. I still feel it's a little early for him to make contact again, but my son knows if he wants to contact his dad, all he has to do is ask. I know how to find his father, and if my son wants to send him a letter, I'm all for that. My feelings aren't my son's feelings. I have to look at what is best for my child, whether or not I like it. My son's dad chose to terminate parental rights, and contact. However, when he did so, he stated he would "have no contact with J**** until such time as he (the child) chose to do so." That leaves it up to my son, and when he feels the need, I will get him the information. So far my son has digested the information, or is still processing it. The teen years are a rough time. I would hate to see my son gain his father's outlook on treating women, however as far as I know that may have changed. My son has a good foundation and solid family ties from my side of the family. He's seen my father and my brother in their relationships with women. He knows his grandpa and grandma have been married a long time, and how much they love one another. My son does not remember his father and I being together. He was only a year old when we separated. I had support from my parents, and friends. So have I raised my son totally alone? No I have not. I would have done so if I needed to, but I'm so glad I didn't. He's turned into a wonderful young man, and I'm proud to be his mom. I get compliments from others about how courteous, caring and helpful he is. So even though I didn't choose single parenting, I think I'm doing a pretty good job. I used to say to myself, "the next time I have a kid, I'm going to do it right." Well, it's been 12 years, and there's not another child, so I guess I'm doing that right. Just my rambling thoughts, I probably made very little sense. I also gave a load of information, some of you have heard it before. Sorry for the ramble. Betsy |
#5
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"lm" wrote in message ... On Wed, 18 Aug 2004 21:23:33 GMT, 'Kate wrote: On Wed, 18 Aug 2004 16:50:12 -0400, (Carrie) wrote: There is a lot of negativity flying around about single parents and i don't really understand it. I am single and PROUD of the fact that take care of my children alone. I didn't choose to do it alone and i don't see it any differently then if the other parent had died. I live in a small old fashioned community that has a lot of conservative elderly people. These people who were raised strict catholics don't look down on me for being alone or having children without being married. In fact, they are proud of me as well. They see that i am stronger then most and do the work of two. They see the love, care, attention, and affection that i give double. They see my struggles and pains and my refusal to give up. It doesn't matter what a troll or flamer has to say. They are unaware of what we go through. They also don't know the posative that comes from it. My daughter is only 6 and already she had told me that she prefers to have one great parent then two lousy ones. Hold your head up high and be proud. Oh I sure wish you hadn't posted that. I disagree with so much of it that I can't even begin to respond. Kate just stick with the second-to-last sentence. One great parent versus two lousy ones. She's doing her best. Maybe.......but there is plenty of evidence that two 'lousy' parents are still better for a child than one 'good' one. Carrie, skim through the archives a bit for some interesting reading. lm |
#6
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On Wed, 18 Aug 2004 23:51:27 -0400, "P. Fritz"
claimed: "lm" wrote in message .. . On Wed, 18 Aug 2004 21:23:33 GMT, 'Kate wrote: On Wed, 18 Aug 2004 16:50:12 -0400, (Carrie) wrote: There is a lot of negativity flying around about single parents and i don't really understand it. I am single and PROUD of the fact that take care of my children alone. I didn't choose to do it alone and i don't see it any differently then if the other parent had died. I live in a small old fashioned community that has a lot of conservative elderly people. These people who were raised strict catholics don't look down on me for being alone or having children without being married. In fact, they are proud of me as well. They see that i am stronger then most and do the work of two. They see the love, care, attention, and affection that i give double. They see my struggles and pains and my refusal to give up. It doesn't matter what a troll or flamer has to say. They are unaware of what we go through. They also don't know the posative that comes from it. My daughter is only 6 and already she had told me that she prefers to have one great parent then two lousy ones. Hold your head up high and be proud. Oh I sure wish you hadn't posted that. I disagree with so much of it that I can't even begin to respond. Kate just stick with the second-to-last sentence. One great parent versus two lousy ones. She's doing her best. Maybe.......but there is plenty of evidence that two 'lousy' parents are still better for a child than one 'good' one. Hmmmm. I don't know..... I'm not pretending to offer formal data here. Just my own anecdotal experience, which you may take into account or ignore, as you please...of course. I was 7 and 10 months when my parents separated. My sister was 10 months. Prior to the separation, my father was barely around. He was in med school and working long hours, but when he was home, things weren't good. I can remember sitting upstairs on my bed with my mother's arms around me, both of us sobbing while my sister slept and my father broke a croquet mallet over the dog's back. The dog was a black cocker spaniel called Moses; my mother got him a safe home as soon as she possibly could. I can remember my father coming home covered in blood and cuts and with a cast on his hand from a barroom fight. I remember one time when I was five and I crawled into bed with my parents in the morning, and he was covered in cuts and bruises, and I asked him how he'd got hurt. He told me that another guy had been driving down the white line on the road.....later he told me that he'd built bonfires on the autobahn. The Christmas I was five I remember my parents having a huge fight. I don't know what it was about, but we were staying with people and I remember crawling into the cupboard under the bar in their family room to hide. My father was drunk and my mother was frightened, and each of them stood on either side of the bar and called to me, "Celia....Celia....come here...come to Mommy/Daddy...." I remember thinking very clearly that I was afraid of my father and wanted to go to my mother but didn't dare go anywhere because I was afraid of the repercussions. Later that night my mother snuck me out and got us to an airport and we flew to my grandmother's, but afterwards we went back.... I also remember washing the car with my father and enjoying that. I remember that I cried most of grade three because everything seemed to big for me...and I felt overwhelmed. That was the year that I was accelerated in school. When my parents split up, my grandmother on my mother's side flew out to get us, because in those days ('66) there was no money that my mother could access to get out. My grandmother had to finance everything. So she flew out and we got a hotel the night before we were supposed to fly west. My sister took her first steps in that hotel, towards my grandmother. I went to school and was supposed to go home to my friend's that night, but my mother came unexpectedly in a cab and took me to the hotel instead. Later I learned that because I had a New Zealand passport, and my father was a Kiwi, my mother was afraid I'd be abducted because he'd found out we were leaving. So my last memories of my friends that day were of seing them recede in the back of the cab window as I cried. The next day there was a lot of high drama when they fought over me at the airport. Nobody fought over my sister, because she was only ten months old and a lot of work, so I guess my father wasn't interested in her. That didn't do her a lot of good later. He never really did get an interest in fighting for or over her..... Anyway, after we moved west, I lived with my mother, sister and grandmother and for the first year I was pretty sad and messed up. I eventually got it together, and it was really my grandmother who provided the stability and nurturing that we both needed. My mother went to work to support us and my grandmother stayed home and baked cookies and things, so I guess in some ways it was like a two parent home. But you know, it was a whole lot better than what came before. Later, we (my mother and sister and I) moved out on our own. It was ok. It was stable and predictable and we saw our grandmother regularly, and that was good. I don't feel that my teen years were especially blighted, although like anyone else's, they could've done with less angst. I did a lot of care of my sister, but that's to be expected when you've got a sister 7 years younger. We did spend a month every summer with our father. Some things about that were good, especially when he remarried: we went camping, we learned to sail, I learned to eat escargots. I hated a lot of it but I learned a lot, too. But some things made it very clear that I would not have wanted to live that way full time: he got drunk almost nightly. He was volatile and destructive. He was scary. Would I have been better off raised by my mother and father together? I doubt it. I don't know for sure, of course, but I doubt it. When people start flinging statistics about, I wonder whether they really matter very much. The statistics don't speak to the individual situation. They don't address the impact of being chased around the airport. They don't address whether it's better to be there for a month and watch your Dad cut down the neighbour's trees at three in the morning with a chainsaw, or whether it's better to be there all year and watch them scream at each other and see him hit her. They don't speak to whether it hurts more to hear a parent trash another, or watch a parent walk away from you. Because of that, I'm inclined to go with each person's individual experience as they feel it. Sometimes, no doubt, parents should be putting their children first by toughing out an imperfect marriage. But other times, it's possible, that they're putting their children first by leaving an addictive one. So maybe that's an individual call. Cele |
#7
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Let me clear some things up...
I never said I chose to be a single mother. Both children were conceived during long relationships. The father of my first took off right before she was born. The father of the one inside me made some rather horrible choices and chose a life of drugs and danger that i could not be a part of. I was 4 weeks pregnant when i left and had no idea because i was on the birth control. It is a shame that things sometimes happen the way they do. But, there is nothing that can be done to change any of it. I take what i have and make the best i can out of it. In my opionion two lousy parents is not better then one great one. This child i am carrying now is guaranteed better off then if i stayed with its father. The home became unstable and violent. The stresses of being there would certainly be worse then the stress of being alone on bedrest. As for my daughter, while i am on bedrest she is with my parents and some of the time with my sister. That is what is best for her at the moment considering I cant even get out of bed to make her meals or take her to the park. I do the best i can and it is sometimes better then what two parents can do. I work twice as hard and benefit from twice the reward. I am not trying to say that my children are better off then they would be in a home with a stable father but i am saying that they are better off without the violence, drugs and crime. |
#8
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"Carrie" wrote in message My daughter is only 6 and already she had told me that she prefers to have one great parent then two lousy ones. You made that up. A six year old could not possibly have the understanding and rationale to come to that kind of a conclusion. I suspect that you are priming your child to suit your own personal circumstances. Dennis |
#9
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I did not make anything up. My daughter is extremely intelligent and
quite independent for her age. She may only be starting the first grade but she is already reading my parenting and baby magazines better then my 12 year old brother. The only influencing she has had is the exposure to as much as she can grasp educationally. I have to admit that at times her speech and writing can be terrible but she makes up for it by excelling in her vocabulary and comprehension. Some children are simply more advanced in certain areas then others and that is a fact of life. |
#10
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"Carrie" wrote in message ... I did not make anything up. My daughter is extremely intelligent and quite independent for her age. She may only be starting the first grade but she is already reading my parenting and baby magazines better then my 12 year old brother. The only influencing she has had is the exposure to as much as she can grasp educationally. I have to admit that at times her speech and writing can be terrible but she makes up for it by excelling in her vocabulary and comprehension. Some children are simply more advanced in certain areas then others and that is a fact of life. You are FOS..............if you you don't think that she isn't telling you want she thinks you want to hear.......from what she has picked up from YOU.......than you have your head up your ass to far for it to matter. |
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