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Sad about the way weaning is happening



 
 
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  #11  
Old August 24th 07, 12:33 AM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
Mum of Two
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Posts: 76
Default Sad about the way weaning is happening

I always have trouble weaning. I'm trying to do things differently this
time. I recently weaned from our morning feed and it is the only one that
went painlessly. I say 'finish up' - sing them a song - unlatch them -
and then PARTY. I clap and laugh and call them big boys. They look like
they want to cry but then have fun instead.


Good idea... I REALLY want it to end on a happy note. I know I'll be sad
when she has her last feed, but I'd like the memories to be happy ones. I
always wanted weaning to be so gentle we didn't notice it, and for the most
part, it has been. I don't want her to feel like she's too old to
breastfeed, if she still has the need.. it's all good by me. I've been sick
lately so I guess I'm a bit irritable and oversensitive and it doesn't help.

When it was real short I just
re-arranged the morning so I gave them a snack cup instead of sitting with
them and then later in the morning I sit on the floor and let them be on
my lap. Mine are only 16mos so not sure a similar approach would work for
a big 3yo. Just some ideas. I know what you mean about feeling
disappointed that the end isn't more sweet and less bitter. Hang in
there.


Thanks Nikki I can't believe your boys are 16 months already! Your lot
must keep you busy.
Amy


  #12  
Old August 24th 07, 12:41 AM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
Mum of Two
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Default Sad about the way weaning is happening

sorry to hear about the frustration. it is not uncommon for kids over
2 yrs old to "forget" how to latch on if they skip a few days. point
it out to your daughter that she seems to be so big, that she cannot
latch on like the little babies do, so that they drink gently. talk
about how mommy's nipples are very tender, and how it's important to
be very gentle and to drink properly. make sure to avoid words like
hurt, pain, etc. for this particular discussion.some kids get very
frustrated with their latch in similar situations, they decide to just
quit. your little one seem to persist, which is a great character
trait. hope this helps.


Thanks for the advice I'd heard they can forget how to latch, but she
hasn't missed days which is what puzzles me. I suspect her latch has been
getting sloppy for a while and because it's first thing in the morning, when
I'm not entirely there (if even awake) I haven't noticed until now.
She gets the bit where she needs to open her mouth, but she's very literal,
so she'll just pull off, open her mouth then close it down again before she
latches. I never thought I'd have this problem with an older child. Thinking
back on it, it's really more of a token feed unless she's really in need of
comfort. I just hope I can look back on it happily rather than thinking
'That's right, her last feed was where she ended up throwing a tantrum and I
told her to get off the bed'. Cheers, Amy


  #13  
Old August 24th 07, 01:55 AM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
Anne Rogers[_4_]
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Default Sad about the way weaning is happening


Thanks for the advice I'd heard they can forget how to latch, but she
hasn't missed days which is what puzzles me.


Don't quote me on this, but doesn't the palate change shape over time,
breastfeeding helps it develop to the correct shape (as well as getting
the correct muscles working), but ultimately it becomes too shallow to
latch well to breastfeed, so it's not so much the child forgetting, but
growing out of the ability to do it. There is a book called something
like "how weaning happens", it may be a LLL book, anyway, from what I've
heard it is pointed at child led, or at least compromise, rather than
this is how to get your baby off the breast at precisely age one!

cheers
Anne
  #14  
Old August 24th 07, 02:25 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
Mum of Two
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Posts: 76
Default Sad about the way weaning is happening

"Anne Rogers" wrote in message
. ..

Thanks for the advice I'd heard they can forget how to latch, but she
hasn't missed days which is what puzzles me.


Don't quote me on this, but doesn't the palate change shape over time,
breastfeeding helps it develop to the correct shape (as well as getting
the correct muscles working), but ultimately it becomes too shallow to
latch well to breastfeed, so it's not so much the child forgetting, but
growing out of the ability to do it. There is a book called something like
"how weaning happens", it may be a LLL book, anyway, from what I've heard
it is pointed at child led, or at least compromise, rather than this is
how to get your baby off the breast at precisely age one!


While that sounds kinda logical, why then does Katherine Dettwyler put the
natural age of human weaning somewhere between 2.5 and 7? That's such a huge
variation.. it seems odd that 6-7 year olds could have the right shaped
mouth and my three-year-old doesn't. Hmm, perhaps this is just an extension
of her playing with her food :-p
Thanks Anne, I'll look into it.

Amy


  #15  
Old August 24th 07, 06:47 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
Larry Mcmahan
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Posts: 143
Default Sad about the way weaning is happening

In article , says...
"Anne Rogers" wrote in message
. ..

Thanks for the advice I'd heard they can forget how to latch, but she
hasn't missed days which is what puzzles me.


Don't quote me on this, but doesn't the palate change shape over time,
breastfeeding helps it develop to the correct shape (as well as getting
the correct muscles working), but ultimately it becomes too shallow to
latch well to breastfeed, so it's not so much the child forgetting, but
growing out of the ability to do it. There is a book called something like
"how weaning happens", it may be a LLL book, anyway, from what I've heard
it is pointed at child led, or at least compromise, rather than this is
how to get your baby off the breast at precisely age one!


While that sounds kinda logical, why then does Katherine Dettwyler put the
natural age of human weaning somewhere between 2.5 and 7? That's such a huge
variation.. it seems odd that 6-7 year olds could have the right shaped
mouth and my three-year-old doesn't. Hmm, perhaps this is just an extension
of her playing with her food :-p
Thanks Anne, I'll look into it.

Amy



OK. Heres a couple of data points. Clara weaned at 5 1/2 and Niel at
6. (she self weaned, he had to be bribed with a birthday present :-)
Monika complained about latch problems from about 4 on with both.

Larry
  #16  
Old August 24th 07, 08:40 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
Anne Rogers[_4_]
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Posts: 670
Default Sad about the way weaning is happening


While that sounds kinda logical, why then does Katherine Dettwyler put the
natural age of human weaning somewhere between 2.5 and 7? That's such a huge
variation.. it seems odd that 6-7 year olds could have the right shaped
mouth and my three-year-old doesn't. Hmm, perhaps this is just an extension
of her playing with her food :-p


well some children may wean for other reasons, but I don't think the
range is that implausible, I mean some newborn babies have genuine
problems with breastfeeding due to the shape and muscle tone of their
mouths - thankfully they can usually be helped by an occupational
therapist with relevant experience and training. Every mother/child pair
is different, each mother is going to vary at what point the latch
causes discomfort and when the stimulation changes to the point of very
little milk being produced and each child is going to vary on how much
milk is worth it and so on, so many permutations that will give a wide
variation in age.

Cheers
Anne
  #17  
Old August 25th 07, 10:43 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
Mum of Two
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Posts: 76
Default Sad about the way weaning is happening

OK. Heres a couple of data points. Clara weaned at 5 1/2 and Niel at
6. (she self weaned, he had to be bribed with a birthday present :-)
Monika complained about latch problems from about 4 on with both.


Thanks Larry, I was really hoping you would post. I guess it's not that
unusual then. I'll just try to make it as stress-free as possible and see
what happens.

Amy


  #18  
Old August 25th 07, 10:51 PM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
Mum of Two
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Posts: 76
Default Sad about the way weaning is happening

well some children may wean for other reasons, but I don't think the range
is that implausible, I mean some newborn babies have genuine problems with
breastfeeding due to the shape and muscle tone of their mouths -
thankfully they can usually be helped by an occupational therapist with
relevant experience and training. Every mother/child pair is different,
each mother is going to vary at what point the latch causes discomfort and
when the stimulation changes to the point of very little milk being
produced and each child is going to vary on how much milk is worth it and
so on, so many permutations that will give a wide variation in age.


Good points, Anne. Nursing past one or two is something that's rarely
discussed because so few people in the western world do it, so I really
didn't know what to expect. I weaned at three and my mother has never
mentioned any specific latch problems, but then my younger brother and I
weaned at about the same time during a stressful time when her father died.
I thought somehow that once we were past the first year, it would be this
smooth linear process until she weaned. I guess you learn something new
every day. It's comforting to know that breastfeeding has helped her mouth &
jaw development to the point where the breastfeeding itself is not working.
I have no doubt that it's made a difference, her speech is fantastic

Amy


  #19  
Old August 26th 07, 05:14 AM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
Flowergirl
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Posts: 27
Default Sad about the way weaning is happening


"Anne Rogers" wrote in message
news

H weaned at the end of Feb, and my milk hasn't quite dried up yet .... I
really miss bf. I don't think there is an easy way to wean.


Both my kids weaned without difficulty - for them! First time, my milk
dried up due to pregnancy, when I realised this was why he was
frustrated at the breast, I just stopped offering and he was fine about
it, never asked for it, he was 17mths, he tried again once the baby was
born and decided it was too sweet.


Same here ... my milk turned to colostrum seemingly overnight and DD weaned
very quickly at 18 mo.

DD was down to one feed, then refused
me when she had a cold and despite me offering, never went back to it,
she was 18mths - that was 8mths ago and I still have milk, it's
frustrating as this keeps causing micro versions of plugged ducts, so
I'll have an uncomfortable lump, but not anything I can do about it. I'm
finding not nursing DD as a toddler much more difficult than with DS, he
was a tricky baby, but really quite good as a toddler, she was the other
way round and I could really use nursing as part of managing some of her
behaviour.


I agree - I'm sure the bf calmed both DS and I down on many an occasion. He
weaned me slowly though, and I never suffered from any breastfeeding
problems (no cracked nipples, mastitis, plugged ducts etc) so lucky for me
the small supply I still have has caused no problems.
I do miss bf though.
A



  #20  
Old August 26th 07, 05:25 AM posted to misc.kids.breastfeeding
Flowergirl
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Posts: 27
Default Sad about the way weaning is happening


"Mum of Two" wrote in message
...
Wow - it sounds like you are really on top of things (aside from the
illness
and broken hand!). Hope you get that apprenticeship.


Heh, well, it does tend to sound that way, but I'm really just surviving.
I'm seriously considering moving out of the province to the capital, which
is a big thing since I've been here all my life. There's not much of an
incentive to stay now my ex and his parents have moved away, and I'm

leaning
a bit much on my own family which isn't helping our relationship. The idea
of more job opportunities and the chance to make some real, in-the-flesh
friends appeals ;-) I really have nothing holding me here now except my
folks, and my mum's insistence that I should make friends within 'mums'
groups' is not helping. I think she sees it as selfish as DD's family has
already been split, and it is really, but I'm not happy here and it's
reflecting in my parenting. My sister is doing her masters in Wellington
next year and I seriously considered moving into her student flat - only I
know I could never get everything up the stairs! 1/4 life crisis? Maybe.


I imagine its no picnic ... but you still seem ... umm ... "brighter" than
the last time I heard from you.
I actually have made several good friends from playgroup and from the kindy
K goes to. Mind you, there are quite a few who I'll never have anything in
common with. Perhaps your horizons will seem bigger in Wellington... (and
with some support with your sister there). I guess its a difficult decision
to make.


We are fine in general. Having a few issues with DH trying to help

manage
his parents farm since his Dad died in Feb ... which is all entangled

with
DH dealing with his own grief and having a few ummm .. "interesting"

ways
he is trying to deal with it. He is dealing with it though, and I

rarely
have to help him back on course .. its just all a bit sad and awful at
present. Kids are OK, but a bit sad when Daddy has to go away so many
weekends to help Nana with the cows.....


Oh that's tough :-( We've lost grandparents in the last couple of years

but
not parents, touch wood. Managing a farm is a big job at the best of

times.
Do you think he's finding it cathartic? Men often look for something
'practical' to do to cope, rather than facing the issues directly. It must
be hard for the kids losing a grandparent and then losing time with their
father as well. It's all still so fresh.. it probably took my mum a couple
of years for her mother's death just to sink in, and we still have our
moments. I hope things get easier for you all soon.
Amy


WE're OK .... although there have been times this year when I could have
throttled DH .... but luckily for me I've got a few friends who've been
through the same situation with their DHs so I get that its all part of the
grieving process and I know that it will take time.
...and yes - they are a practical bunch of boys, but I also think a bit of
talking wouldn't go astray either.
One of the things I find the hardest to deal with is the kids.
Unfortunately, it was a graveside service and while DD understands what
happened, DS (just turned 3) thinks that G'dad is only dead because we put
him in a hole. He quite regularly tells us that's he's going to get a rope
and rescue G'dad
A



 




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