Stay at home mom help

Hello everyone. I am a new mom (Karly Shea born June 1) and I have
some things I wanted to get off my chest and possibly get some feed
back for. I am a stay at home mom, and my husband and I just moved to
a new area. He is a chef, so he is gone for 12 - 15 hours at a time,
leaving me home to care for the house and baby. He gets home at about
1 am and goes right to bed, so I am also up with the baby all night.
When he is home, he is so tired from work, that it is hard for him to
help me out.
I really wanted to stay home with the baby, and we are lucky enough
that our financial situation allows it, but I guess it is not as easy
as I thought it would be. Being in a new area, I feel a bit lonely at
times.
I have so much to be grateful for, and I am not trying to complain, but
I can't help what I am feeling. When I am feeling down, I just look at
my daughter and I am filled with joy. I have had some problems with
depression in the past, so I want to avoid that from happening again. I
guess I am just wondering how other moms have dealt with this. Thanks
for listening. Any help is appreciated.

GMR wrote:
Hello everyone. I am a new mom (Karly Shea born June 1) and I have
some things I wanted to get off my chest and possibly get some feed
back for. I am a stay at home mom, and my husband and I just moved to
a new area. He is a chef, so he is gone for 12 - 15 hours at a time,
leaving me home to care for the house and baby. He gets home at about
1 am and goes right to bed, so I am also up with the baby all night.
When he is home, he is so tired from work, that it is hard for him to
help me out.
I really wanted to stay home with the baby, and we are lucky enough
that our financial situation allows it, but I guess it is not as easy
as I thought it would be. Being in a new area, I feel a bit lonely at
times.
I have so much to be grateful for, and I am not trying to complain, but
I can't help what I am feeling. When I am feeling down, I just look at
my daughter and I am filled with joy. I have had some problems with
depression in the past, so I want to avoid that from happening again. I
guess I am just wondering how other moms have dealt with this. Thanks
for listening. Any help is appreciated.

What exactly is your problem? Are you bored at home? Are you displeased
that your husband doesn't help out with changing/feeding and caring for
the child? Are you upset that your husband works long hours because he
doesn't spend time with you and that makes you lonely?

Regards...

Hi, welcome and congrats on the new baby. I think you need to find a moms
group in your neighborhood or area, and have that as support and friendship.
Honestly, just having someone to talk to who has a kid your age can be such
a relief! Check out http://www.momsclub.org/ to find a local moms club
around you. Even if you aren't normally a "joiner" you may find that you
make some good friends!
--

Jamie
Earth Angels:
Taylor Marlys, 1/3/03 -- Little Miss Nature Girl, who got her first wasp
sting! : (
Addison Grace, 9/30/04 -- Little Miss "I'm On My Way!", who has taken her
first unassisted steps, and has a new tooth coming in!

Check out the family! -- www.MyFamily.com, User ID: Clarkguest1, Password:
Guest
Become a member for free - go to Add Member to set up your own User ID and
Password

"GMR" wrote in message
oups.com...
Hello everyone. I am a new mom (Karly Shea born June 1) and I have
some things I wanted to get off my chest and possibly get some feed
back for. I am a stay at home mom, and my husband and I just moved to
a new area. He is a chef, so he is gone for 12 - 15 hours at a time,
leaving me home to care for the house and baby. He gets home at about
1 am and goes right to bed, so I am also up with the baby all night.
When he is home, he is so tired from work, that it is hard for him to
help me out.
I really wanted to stay home with the baby, and we are lucky enough
that our financial situation allows it, but I guess it is not as easy
as I thought it would be. Being in a new area, I feel a bit lonely at
times.
I have so much to be grateful for, and I am not trying to complain, but
I can't help what I am feeling. When I am feeling down, I just look at
my daughter and I am filled with joy. I have had some problems with
depression in the past, so I want to avoid that from happening again. I
guess I am just wondering how other moms have dealt with this. Thanks
for listening. Any help is appreciated.

I guess that I could answer yes to all of your questions. I am not
sure if bored is the right word, as I am somewhat too busy to be bored.
But maybe I do wish that I had other things to do. I have thought
about maybe working from home or maybe getting involved in something to
get out of the house for a while. At times I am upset that my husband
doesn't help me very much, but I understand that he is working very
hard. I am lonely here without him. My life has changed drastically.
I was expecting the change with the baby. Thats not even the hardest
part. It's the new area and the longer work hours. All of these
things coming at the same time is pretty hard to deal with. I am
pretty emotional and hormonal as well. Sometimes I feel extremely
frustrated and even sad, and other times I deal with it just fine.
It is strange because even though I am feeling upset about a lot of
things, I am so happy with my new baby at the same time. I am so
completely in love with her, that just looking at her makes everything
else seem so small. I guess I am jsut feeling a lot of different
things right now, and I am trying to sort through it.

Thank you so much. That sounds like a really great idea and I will
check it out.

Besides joining a moms' group, which I think is an awesome idea, just
getting out of the house can be a big help. When I had my first baby,
we went out walking every day--I got back into shape that way as well!
We went to the pool for a couple of hours every day. We made friends
this way as well with lots of people in our apartment complex.

You can also go out shopping or whatever, just anything to get out of
the house! While baby is little it's a good time to go hang out at a
coffeehouse or a bookstore--a change of scene will help you.

Leslie

Leslie wrote:
Besides joining a moms' group, which I think is an awesome idea, just
getting out of the house can be a big help. When I had my first baby,
we went out walking every day--I got back into shape that way as well!
We went to the pool for a couple of hours every day. We made friends
this way as well with lots of people in our apartment complex.

You can also go out shopping or whatever, just anything to get out of
the house! While baby is little it's a good time to go hang out at a
coffeehouse or a bookstore--a change of scene will help you.

I second this --- it took me a while to realize that "staying
at home" with my baby didn't mean we had to stay at *home* the
whole time. Mother's groups, long walks while the weather's
nice, hanging out at the park (even though your baby's not old
enough yet, you can meet other moms there), etc...

Emily

We also moved right before my (first) baby was born, and my husband started
working a 'normal' job after 3 years of us being in grad school together.
*Everything* was a big adjustment -- new city where we didn't know anyone,
new baby, new job (for him), not being together all the time like we were
in grad school... I've met people at my apartment complex (in fact, one
of the reasons I chose this apt was because there were 2 other families
with babies living here, and it was a GREAT decision -- I'm very good
friends with them now and they definitely have kept me sane these last 8
months!!), and through a mom's group at a local church (although I don't
actually go to that church). If these two options hadn't worked out, I
would have gone to the La Leche League meetings and tried meeting people
there.

I get out of the house every day, to go for walks, to the library, to the
grocery store (they all know Micah there!! haha), etc. But I think it's
also really important for you and your DH to make time for each other,
even if it's hard with his long hours. And definitely don't feel
bad/guilty for feeling lonely!! Of course you love your baby and love
spending time with her -- but there's still something about Adult
Conversations...

And finally -- the sleeping will get better. I found that sleeping *with*
Micah for the first 5 months made my life much more bearable, as in I
actually *got* sleep. After that, we had to re-evaluate and he's now
in his crib, but in the beginning, when he was waking up multiple
times/night, co-sleeping really helped.

Good luck! Oh, and one more thing -- I know it can be hard, but really
putting yourself out there and *trying* to meet people might be what you
need to do. And for some reason, it's always much more easy to meet
people when you've got a baby in tow!!

Em
mama to Micah, 11/14/04

I know that this might be similar to joining a mom's group but one
thing that I did was to go to an ECFE class. Does your public school
system put on classes for families, you should find out.
You might also look into MOPS (mothers of preschoolers)

Hi;

FIRST OF ALL CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR BABY Nice name too

Well, let me begin by saying that your situation is understandably
annoying or frustrating. It is hard enough moving into a new area, then
having a baby is another difficult change to adjust to and the fact that
you gotta do it all on your own makes this all too much.

Let's talk about the baby. From my experience I think that the worst
time of having a baby were the first 4 - 6 months (of course depending
on your child's temper and personality). Then it becomes better. And as
your child grows it just keeps getting better. So my advise in this area
is to hang in there and don't let depression get the best of you. If it
does though, there is nothing wrong in asking your doctor to give you
anti-depressants to help elevate the pressure. (I went on some the first
3 months or so after I had Sina)

The new area situation. Well, it is very difficult to find these groups
that people talk about (or so I found it to be in my area). But do try
to find one other mom and strange enough the doors will open to you. )
I was eagerly looking for any groups to join, but couldn't find
anything. Then I posted in Babycenter's website in their bulletin that I
am looking to form a playgroup fr my daughter age blah blah blah. I got
contacted by one mom, who had a son 3 months older than my daughter.
Well we met and were support for each other. Since then the doors of
finding more moms have opened mysteriously ) I guess we were no longer
stressed about finding company, so we were more calm about our searches

As for the fact that your husband is not participating .... well first
of all, I think it is really great if you can acknowledge how hard he
works. Not only to yourself but also to him. This puts you in a very
positive place. My husband works long hours too and he is extremely
tired when he gets home. It sounds like fair that I continue taking care
of my daughter as he is tired, but I had friends who advised me.
Well, your husband should participate in taking care of your baby, as he
is a member of this family and he participated in the happening of
this child The majority of work will be still yours, especially that
you are the one staying at home and the primary caretaker of the child.
Slowly, but gently (force never gets us women anywhere with our men)
give him simple tasks. "Honey, I have to do ... can you please do ....
for the baby?" Change a diaper, or hold the baby for a while or maybe
even rock the baby to sleep (if that's what you do). For every task he
helps you with give him loads of praise and show appreciation (I know
that sometimes you may feel like he isn't doing you a favor and that it
is his duty as a parent, but with patience and being nice you are bound
to get more) As your husband gets used to helping out a bit, give him
more responsibilities. Actually, before all that did you ever ask your
husband directly to help you out more? What was his reaction? If he was
trying to get himself out of it, is it maybe cause he has no idea how to
deal with babies? My husband for the first 2 months was scared he was
going to do something wrong. I would be tired and ask him to take care
of the baby while I sleep. Poor man would carry her in his arm but stand
by the foot of the bed (Of course I never got sleep that way). He just
wanted to be helpful, but be as close to me as possible so I can save
him and the baby if anything goes wrong. With practice he became a pro
Now I just leave my daughter with him for hours at a time (she just
turned 1)

I have never been an emancipist and I believe that since he is the bread
maker in the house, I should give more into the raising kids department.
But he comes home from work, eats something and then he takes our
daughter for at least 30 minutes. (she refuses to go to bed until she
sees him. Kinda cute and proves my point that practice makes men more
secure.) One more advise, the sooner you start the more connection, bond
and ease your husband will feel with this child. He will develop with
her, just as well as you do.

If all fails though, you might have to make a big deal of it. It is very
important that your husband learns how to deal with your child, as it is
his child as well.

My best wishes of good luck, patience and being able to deal with
mommyhood quickly.

Mona & Sina




GMR wrote:
Hello everyone. I am a new mom (Karly Shea born June 1) and I have
some things I wanted to get off my chest and possibly get some feed
back for. I am a stay at home mom, and my husband and I just moved to
a new area. He is a chef, so he is gone for 12 - 15 hours at a time,
leaving me home to care for the house and baby. He gets home at about
1 am and goes right to bed, so I am also up with the baby all night.
When he is home, he is so tired from work, that it is hard for him to
help me out.
I really wanted to stay home with the baby, and we are lucky enough
that our financial situation allows it, but I guess it is not as easy
as I thought it would be. Being in a new area, I feel a bit lonely at
times.
I have so much to be grateful for, and I am not trying to complain, but
I can't help what I am feeling. When I am feeling down, I just look at
my daughter and I am filled with joy. I have had some problems with
depression in the past, so I want to avoid that from happening again. I
guess I am just wondering how other moms have dealt with this. Thanks
for listening. Any help is appreciated.