Bleak over a baby (semi-OT)

Quoting Dagny's post underneath mine:

Sue writes: Well this is going to sound really snotty, but I really don't
see the point of these posts and I am really tired of them. Parenting is
hard enough to deal with and people have reasons, sometimes very valid
reasons for doing what they do. You Dagny, and the other holier than thous
don't know what goes on in a family to know the purpose of why they do
things. There are much worse things to do to a baby than have them content
and riding in a stroller.

And just to turn the tables a little, I am quoting your post here and in
your sleep deprivation post:

I don't know why the mom doesn't like her kid enough to put her in a
sling/carrier. I hope they all have bad backs and "Meg (4 mos) has gone
from nursing every 2-3 hours at night to one, about 4 hour sleep and then up
every hour to nurse back to sleep thereafter. Let me know if there's
something I can do, from your experience, to get more sleep without being
disrespectful of her needs? I don't mind nursing every 2-3 hours but every
hour on the hour after 2am is a little much."

How come you don't like your baby enough to feed her the every 2-3 hours at
night when she is hungry and when she wants?

--
Sue (mom to three girls)
I'm Just a Raggedy Ann in a Barbie Doll World...

I carried my first 2 kids everywhere, but cant with this one.

"Nikki" wrote in message
...
nina wrote:

Better to use what you
need judiciously than to poopoo it all together. For a baby to be
more spoiled and attended to than mine, it would have to live in a
pouch on its mothers tummy.

I hate to see a baby crying in a seat or what not but I don't have a
problem
seeing a baby in a stroller or seat at the mall or grocery store or what
not. If the baby is content I don't really see the problem.

I lugged mine around in my arms because they wouldn't sit in the darn
seat.
Luke would if he fell asleep in the car first. I'd have used one had it
worked out and not felt one bit guilty about it :-)


--
Nikki
Mama to Hunter (4) and Luke (2)

Anne Rogers wibbled

Dagny, and others expressing similar opinions, you don't see us
spending hours playing 'horses' on my knee, or his having his
afternoon and evening naps on my lap (for up to two hours at a
time), or our sharing a bath, or cosleeping for about five hours
out of every night. You can't make a single judgement about how
much I *like* my child from the fact that I have been completely
unable to carry him for any distance for several months now,
since he's 27" and 20lb (and a wriggler) and my back just won't
cope with that. You can't see the mess infection made of my
c-section wound, or imagine just how painful carrying him was
(during a heatwave) when he was small. If you're happy feeling
depressed about other babies based solely on their method of
transportation, bully for you. But don't call Child Services or
the NSPCC just yet, eh?

I think you are jumping on Dagny too much, she was commenting
about a situation with people she knew and it made her sad, the
outward signs might be the outward signs of other parenting
styles, but they mean very different things. Some people do seem
to have a I must not hold the baby too much instinct, others have
an I must meet the babies needs instinct, this is what you are
doing,

I understand that's the intention but it's pretty damn insulting to be
told that you must not *like* your baby much because for the short time
a judgemental stranger sees you together the baby isn't being carried.

Jac

"Anne Rogers" wrote in message
...
I'll be one of these bad mothers. I have rheumatological problems and
whilst I'll carry just the baby happily in a sling around the house
(the best option for me), any venturing outside the house will be in
the pram, the baby bucket probably will go into stores and I'm pretty
much praying that a carry cot is acceptably to any future children for
naps, for the sake of my own health.

I don't know what issues you have, but are you sure carrying a baby in a
bucket would help?

In my situation, I use the car seat in the shopping cart at the stores. So I
am not carrying her in
the seat as a carrier, just using it so I can shop. Im not one of the ones
who you see walking thru the mall or store with the
baby in the carrier swinging,,husband at my side. THAT bugs me.

I

I don't know what issues you have, but are you sure carrying a baby in a
bucket would help?

In my situation, I use the car seat in the shopping cart at the stores. So I
am not carrying her in
the seat as a carrier, just using it so I can shop. Im not one of the ones
who you see walking thru the mall or store with the
baby in the carrier swinging,,husband at my side. THAT bugs me.

I used to do that too (down ds prefers to sit in the normal seat), I have
shopped with a carrier and it has been fine, but I always found it a
struggle to reach for things etc. car seat in the trolley doesn't solve
the problem though as the trolley's are really evil to push at every store
I go to, I end up with a sore back and knees whatever I do. It's tricky,
it seems whatever shopping trolley I use I am fighting with it, my only
solution is to when I shop do absolutely huge ones to avoid having to do
it again for as long as possible.

Jacqui was all, like:
[...]
Seconded. I do have a bad back, but even without, the combination of
residual SPD and a c-section would have precluded my carrying T far as
a newborn,

I had/have SPD, though not a c-section, and have a bad back, RA, and I've
had one of my knees put back together after an accident (lots of hardware,
bone and tendon grafts, etc.), and I have not discovered a way to manage a
stroller on stairs, and do not have a car, so I'd be lost without a sling.
It's tough going with a sling, going up stairs on the subway, but it's the
only way I can get around right now, and I do it twice a day at least, 5 or
more days a week. So, obviously, MMV. I'm not disagreeing with the rest of
your post, I just can't imagine how much harder my life would be without a
sling.

zeldabee wibbled

Jacqui was all, like:
[...]
Seconded. I do have a bad back, but even without, the combination
of residual SPD and a c-section would have precluded my carrying
T far as a newborn,

I had/have SPD, though not a c-section, and have a bad back, RA,
and I've had one of my knees put back together after an accident
(lots of hardware, bone and tendon grafts, etc.),

Ouch! I tore the cartilage through a few years ago and although that
healed without surgery it twinges now and again. I can't imagine the
inconvenience of SPD and a knee injury too!

and I have not
discovered a way to manage a stroller on stairs, and do not have a
car, so I'd be lost without a sling. It's tough going with a
sling, going up stairs on the subway, but it's the only way I can
get around right now, and I do it twice a day at least, 5 or more
days a week. So, obviously, MMV. I'm not disagreeing with the rest
of your post, I just can't imagine how much harder my life would
be without a sling.

I don't generally need to negotiate stairs. (I'm SAHM and we don't have
a subway in this city.) I have had to do it, though, mostly for trains,
and usually I carry T and the buggy separately, but I can only manage
that for one flight or so. It was easier when I could manage him in the
Bjorn but I haven't been able to do that for at least three months now.
I certainly couldn't do it for two flights, so I tend to ask friendly
passersby for help if I need to do it.

I asked the physio's advice about a sling when he 'outgrew' the Bjorn
for my purposes (DH still uses it) and was told that for me it would
not be a good option - carrying him in any position for longer than
five minutes puts too much strain on my back* now, and I wind up
immobile for the next day or two. Which isn't to say it isn't great for
other people, and I'm pleased it works for you.

*I got through his christening last week on painkillers and rushing out
immediately afterwards, when DH had the baby, to lie flat on the floor
in a back room. So I missed 80% of the service in order to hold my baby
for the important bit. :-(

Jac

nina wrote:
My back hasnt recovered from pregnancy and csection, and Im still having
sciatica. WhenI get really tired, my legs hurt and I get "stumbly". For my
baby's sake
I use the car seat in the shopping cart whenever possible, because I cant
afford for my back or legs to get weak and have problems when I need to pick
her up or carry her/

Nina,

Don't feel too bad about this. I think you sound like a very conscientious
mom and I'm sure your baby will grow up and realize this.

Nowadays what bothers me is parents who neglect their children or just have
them for very selfish reasons.

Hope your back feels better. One thing I learned from my sister when pregnant
and nursing was EAT A LOT OF PROTEIN. I started eating a lot of chicken
breasts & a lot of turkey and my hair stopped falling out and my body felt SO
much better. All the aches and pains went away.

I found out that I had shrunk an inch in height and my husband had me get on
a healthier diets. It's kinda like South Beach and a lot of the aches and
pains have gone away.

Just a thought.

"Buzzy Bee" wrote in message
...
On Mon, 01 Mar 2004 14:46:06 GMT, "Dagny" wrote:
but then again I might just have mucked up the snipping as usual!
Nope, this absolutely depresses me too. Strollers for little babies and
baby buckets (car seats carried into stores) depress me. I don't know
why
the mom doesn't like her kid enough to put her in a sling/carrier. I
hope
they all have bad backs.

That would describe me--after DS hit 20 pounds as a four-monther. Carrying
him in the sling got me square in the back, so I retired it. After he
learned to sit up, I have hip-carried him as much as possible, but he still
spends a lot of time sitting in the shopping cart or sled or stroller if we
are on a long walk.

When he was littler I also used a baby bucket at times, but DS still got
held more than stored. :-)

Beth

"Beth" wrote in message
...

Hi,

Just thought I'd unload about the gathering I went to the other day. A
friend's 2-month-old was there and I came away feeling so odd after seeing
how he was handled. He was asleep in a bouncy seat when we got there,
then
was laid on a blanket after a few minutes' dandling when he awoke. From
there Grandma held him for ten minutes and then he was placed in a swing
for
an hour or so. After some cooing and hinting, I got to feed him a bottle,
and he was so into it, rolling his eyes back and sucking down the formula
so
lustily that my own milk let down. Made me laugh. But at the same time I
felt so sad for him, sucking on plastic, cradled by plastic. I changed
his
diaper after that and it was sodden with yellow urine.

Now I know for a fact that this baby was planned, wanted, and his folks
love
him deeply. He's a happy little fellow who smiles promiscuously! I just
can't help but feel a little bleak about all the faux stuff. I fed
thousands of bottles to my niece and nephews and figured out all kinds of
ingenious ways to keep them out of my teenaged hair, but after having my
own
son and raising him without many props, things seem different. Do any of
you feel this way about other parenting styles, or am I just particularly
insufferable? :-)

Beth




I tried carrying my baby into a shop the other day in a slingy thing and had
to leave because he was too heavy! I'm not a weak person and he's only four
months old. Thank goodness for buggys (which he loves being in BTW).

As a newborn he wouldn't sleep well anywhere during the day, including in
our arms. Thank goodness for the swing.

Some babies like to lie on the ground and kick around, mine certainly did.
Don't feel sad for your friends baby. If he was unhappy he'd cry. He
probably has loads of cuddles when she's not trying to entertain visitors.
Differnet parenting styles aren't necessarily wrong they are just different.

Judy