Get me through the summer

My neighbor's son (7) cries all the time. Whenever something doesn't go his
way he cries. And if the neighborhood kids are all playing and they don't
play what he wants he goes to his mom and tells her they left him out and
"his feelings are hurt". I am sooo sick and tired of hearing how his
feelings are hurt. What can I say to him? I find myself wanting to tell him
to just go home because he's such a brat. My children understand that
feelings do get hurt and they need to find a way to work with their friends
and get through it. Maybe I'm just being a witch, but this mom is "always
right" and I am getting to the point that I don't want my kids to go outside
and play when he is out. He has a sister too who is high maintenance but
she's another story. When the kids are out of school we will all be outside.
Help me get through the summer.

"workingmom" u34235@uwe wrote in message news:723daf8bd2e5e@uwe...
My neighbor's son (7) cries all the time. Whenever something doesn't go
his
way he cries. And if the neighborhood kids are all playing and they don't
play what he wants he goes to his mom and tells her they left him out and
"his feelings are hurt". I am sooo sick and tired of hearing how his
feelings are hurt. What can I say to him? I find myself wanting to tell
him
to just go home because he's such a brat. My children understand that
feelings do get hurt and they need to find a way to work with their
friends
and get through it. Maybe I'm just being a witch, but this mom is "always
right" and I am getting to the point that I don't want my kids to go
outside
and play when he is out. He has a sister too who is high maintenance but
she's another story. When the kids are out of school we will all be
outside.
Help me get through the summer.

I think just don't worry about him. Tell him you are sorry his feelings are
hurt and teach your kids to do the same. Once in awhile they can try to
rectify the situation but they can also just keep on with what they were
doing. Nothing more they can do besides say 'Sorry your feelings are hurt
but we are playing kick ball now.'

I'll come out and admit that I was a HUGE cry baby when I was a kid. I
cried at everything, lol. Most people just ignored me, which was really
fine. I don't remember feeling bad about how I was treated. I just cried
easily. I couldn't keep up, I was a clutz, blah blah blah. I think some of
it was that I liked to be alone but didn't really know that I should be.
I'd go out, get overwhelmed and cry, come back in and be relaxed and happy.
My mom didn't pity me or anything but I did spend a lot of time with her in
the house when my brother and neighbor hood kids were out playing.

On Tue, 15 May 2007 21:31:12 -0500, Nikki wrote:

"workingmom" u34235@uwe wrote in message news:723daf8bd2e5e@uwe...
My neighbor's son (7) cries all the time. Whenever something doesn't go
his
way he cries. And if the neighborhood kids are all playing and they don't
play what he wants he goes to his mom and tells her they left him out and
"his feelings are hurt". I am sooo sick and tired of hearing how his
feelings are hurt. What can I say to him? I find myself wanting to tell
him
to just go home because he's such a brat. My children understand that
feelings do get hurt and they need to find a way to work with their
friends
and get through it. Maybe I'm just being a witch, but this mom is "always
right" and I am getting to the point that I don't want my kids to go
outside
and play when he is out. He has a sister too who is high maintenance but
she's another story. When the kids are out of school we will all be
outside.
Help me get through the summer.

I think just don't worry about him. Tell him you are sorry his feelings are
hurt and teach your kids to do the same. Once in awhile they can try to
rectify the situation but they can also just keep on with what they were
doing. Nothing more they can do besides say 'Sorry your feelings are hurt
but we are playing kick ball now.'

If his feelings are hurt because they are being unkind to him, then those
children need to learn to be nicer. If he is really just overly sensitive,
then I would say he needs to learn to take more control over his emotions.
Either way, I don't think the behavior deserves the amount of venom I feel
from OP's post. I admit to being annoyed with DD for crying, but I just
try to ignore her when I think she is being melodramatic.

"workingmom" u34235@uwe wrote:

My neighbor's son (7) cries all the time. Whenever something doesn't go his
way he cries. And if the neighborhood kids are all playing and they don't
play what he wants he goes to his mom and tells her they left him out and
"his feelings are hurt". I am sooo sick and tired of hearing how his
feelings are hurt. What can I say to him? I find myself wanting to tell him
to just go home because he's such a brat. My children understand that
feelings do get hurt and they need to find a way to work with their friends
and get through it. Maybe I'm just being a witch, but this mom is "always
right" and I am getting to the point that I don't want my kids to go outside
and play when he is out. He has a sister too who is high maintenance but
she's another story. When the kids are out of school we will all be outside.
Help me get through the summer.

I don't see the problem. I'd just tell him "I'm sorry your feelings
are hurt" and then go on with what you are doing.

If his MOM is complaining to you or to your kids than that is another
matter. If it was just a problem with another kid, I'd tell my kids
that they weren't to come in crying and complaining to me unless they
were bleeding. Because I wasn't going to get into it with a neighbor.

When my mom had a problem with the kids next door to us (who were
younger), she just got us out of the house and into activities away
from the neighborhood. We went ice skating, swimming, to piano
lessons, scouts, and whatever she could find for us to do so that we
weren't home.

Every time the kid starts to cry and preferably BEFORE his mother
comes over and complains, take your kids to the library or to the pool
or to the park, or somewhere away. If you have room and energy, you
can take some of the neighborhood kids too, if their parents agree.

(Let your kids know that the minute he starts to cry, that you all
will be out of there. At breakfast in the morning, decide where you'd
like to go, and then if he starts to complain, they can immediately
come inside, and you can leave.)

Alternatively, you can just not answer the phone or the door when his
mom comes to complain.

"toypup" wrote in message
...
On Tue, 15 May 2007 21:31:12 -0500, Nikki wrote:

"workingmom" u34235@uwe wrote in message news:723daf8bd2e5e@uwe...
My neighbor's son (7) cries all the time. Whenever something doesn't go
his
way he cries. And if the neighborhood kids are all playing and they
don't
play what he wants he goes to his mom and tells her they left him out
and
"his feelings are hurt". I am sooo sick and tired of hearing how his
feelings are hurt. What can I say to him? I find myself wanting to
tell
him
to just go home because he's such a brat. My children understand that
feelings do get hurt and they need to find a way to work with their
friends
and get through it. Maybe I'm just being a witch, but this mom is
"always
right" and I am getting to the point that I don't want my kids to go
outside
and play when he is out. He has a sister too who is high maintenance
but
she's another story. When the kids are out of school we will all be
outside.
Help me get through the summer.

I think just don't worry about him. Tell him you are sorry his feelings
are
hurt and teach your kids to do the same. Once in awhile they can try to
rectify the situation but they can also just keep on with what they were
doing. Nothing more they can do besides say 'Sorry your feelings are
hurt
but we are playing kick ball now.'

If his feelings are hurt because they are being unkind to him, then those
children need to learn to be nicer. If he is really just overly
sensitive,
then I would say he needs to learn to take more control over his emotions.
Either way, I don't think the behavior deserves the amount of venom I feel
from OP's post. I admit to being annoyed with DD for crying, but I just
try to ignore her when I think she is being melodramatic.

From what I get, and I could be wrong, but it sounds more like the kid is a
brat that whines to his mother when things don't go his way. It sounds like
the neighbour's boy wants things to go his way, and if they don't, he'll
kick up a fuss, cry to his mom and she'll come out and make things go his
way with her own sympathy.
Sorry, I wouldn't buy it. I would try and encourage my kids and their
friends (even this neighbour's child, of course) to play in my yard, if
possible. I would set the rules out from the start, and if you're a whiner,
I'll walk you home or call your mom to come pick you up to go home. I don't
deal well with the local crybabies. I've always told my kids that you don't
get your way by crying. That's one thing that just drives me absolutely
insane. If I started crying and running to my mom every time something
didn't go my way, boy would there be trouble for everyone! The kid just
sounds like a brat who's like his mom's 'precious little flower'. Poor kid
is definitely going to have some issues as he gets older. He needs to learn
that you don't always get your way with everything in life. If I had my
way, I'd be getting off a plane in Las Vegas and winning the jackpot each
time on the slots. I'd be driving around in some big, fancy, expensive
SUV - that I didn't have to pay for because crying works well, and the gas
it takes? Meh. I'll cry and whine at the pumps and get the gas for free
anyways.
If I was around when the neighbour's child is crying, I would probably take
the group playing and talk to them all - let everyone know that it's only
fair to everyone if everyone is included. Play this game for a little, then
find another thing to do that will maybe satisfy others. If the child
continued to whine for his way, I would take him aside and ask him why he
doesn't want to do this and ask him if he might have another suggestion. If
he comes up with one, I'd maybe even be tempted to pull out a timer, set it
and tell him that when the timer rings, we'll switch the game/activity, and
let everyone know the deal. Then, maybe, everyone would get their turn.
Another option is to see if smaller groups can be made to do different
things - a pair of kids or small group that want to play on the swing can
while another few of them kick a ball around. Another few kids could maybe
have some fun with the sidewalk chalk, or something.

Maybe you could also invite the neighbour over while the kids are playing.
Maybe the kid is just crying for attention, and maybe he wouldn't do it if
his mother was right there, or if he does, maybe it can be brought to her
attention at the time. She can see with her own eyes. Have her over for
coffee or tea and sit out with the kids while they play. Visit and just
observe the kids in action and see if the child is really being picked on,
or if he's using his crying and sniffles to get his mom to single the other
kids out!

On May 16, 6:52 am, Rosalie B. wrote:
"workingmom" u34235@uwe wrote:
My neighbor's son (7) cries all the time. Whenever something doesn't go his
way he cries. And if the neighborhood kids are all playing and they don't
play what he wants he goes to his mom and tells her they left him out and
"his feelings are hurt". I am sooo sick and tired of hearing how his
feelings are hurt. What can I say to him? I find myself wanting to tell him
to just go home because he's such a brat. My children understand that
feelings do get hurt and they need to find a way to work with their friends
and get through it. Maybe I'm just being a witch, but this mom is "always
right" and I am getting to the point that I don't want my kids to go outside
and play when he is out. He has a sister too who is high maintenance but
she's another story. When the kids are out of school we will all be outside.
Help me get through the summer.

I don't see the problem. I'd just tell him "I'm sorry your feelings
are hurt" and then go on with what you are doing.

If his MOM is complaining to you or to your kids than that is another
matter. If it was just a problem with another kid, I'd tell my kids
that they weren't to come in crying and complaining to me unless they
were bleeding. Because I wasn't going to get into it with a neighbor.

When my mom had a problem with the kids next door to us (who were
younger), she just got us out of the house and into activities away
from the neighborhood. We went ice skating, swimming, to piano
lessons, scouts, and whatever she could find for us to do so that we
weren't home.

Every time the kid starts to cry and preferably BEFORE his mother
comes over and complains, take your kids to the library or to the pool
or to the park, or somewhere away. If you have room and energy, you
can take some of the neighborhood kids too, if their parents agree.

(Let your kids know that the minute he starts to cry, that you all
will be out of there. At breakfast in the morning, decide where you'd
like to go, and then if he starts to complain, they can immediately
come inside, and you can leave.)

Alternatively, you can just not answer the phone or the door when his
mom comes to complain.

Gee, I wonder how I would handle this problem. I think taking the kids
away is a bit extreme. But, if it works for you, that's cool. I think
I would just have them all vote on what they would like to do, and the
activity with the most votes wins. If the little boy cries then, well
then we'd have to tell him and his mom that we took a vote. Or, we
could put the activities in a hat and pick them out. Then, if most of
the kids DIDN'T want to play it, then we'd do it for a short time
only. That way, no one could say we didn't pick the winner. But
actually, I think a vote is better.

On Wed, 16 May 2007 02:20:28 GMT, "workingmom" u34235@uwe wrote:

My neighbor's son (7) cries all the time. Whenever something doesn't go his
way he cries. And if the neighborhood kids are all playing and they don't
play what he wants he goes to his mom and tells her they left him out and
"his feelings are hurt". I am sooo sick and tired of hearing how his
feelings are hurt. What can I say to him? I find myself wanting to tell him
to just go home because he's such a brat. My children understand that
feelings do get hurt and they need to find a way to work with their friends
and get through it. Maybe I'm just being a witch, but this mom is "always
right" and I am getting to the point that I don't want my kids to go outside
and play when he is out. He has a sister too who is high maintenance but
she's another story. When the kids are out of school we will all be outside.
Help me get through the summer.

There is much negativity in your post, so I really do hope your
children understand that feelings get hurt and they need to find a way
to work with their friends and get through it. Buuuut, you're
referring to him as a "brat" and even if you don't say "brat" around
your kids, your attitude is going to show.

Frankly, I don't see the problem. Find a way to help the kids be
inclusive when deciding what to play. If he gets upset they can
explain it was done by a vote, or whatever. It doesn't guarantee
he'll change but it takes the pressure off you and your children.

Nan

Actually if this was REALLY just about the child there wouldn't even
BE a problem. If the kid just went home crying and stayed there - so
what? But the clue here is where the OP says 'this mom is "always
right"'

Because this problem is really about the parents and it shows what
happens when parents get involved. I was pretty lucky in that I
almost never had to live with the same neighbors for an extended
period of time (due to dh being in the Navy and moving frequently),
and also to having several kids who would play with each other. Bad
blood between neighbors based on treatment of the children can go on
for decades when it is really something extremely minor.

ncrist wrote:

On May 16, 6:52 am, Rosalie B. wrote:
"workingmom" u34235@uwe wrote:
My neighbor's son (7) cries all the time. Whenever something doesn't go his
way he cries. And if the neighborhood kids are all playing and they don't
play what he wants he goes to his mom and tells her they left him out and
"his feelings are hurt". I am sooo sick and tired of hearing how his
feelings are hurt. What can I say to him? I find myself wanting to tell him
to just go home because he's such a brat. My children understand that
feelings do get hurt and they need to find a way to work with their friends
and get through it. Maybe I'm just being a witch, but this mom is "always
right" and I am getting to the point that I don't want my kids to go outside
and play when he is out. He has a sister too who is high maintenance but
she's another story. When the kids are out of school we will all be outside.
Help me get through the summer.

I don't see the problem. I'd just tell him "I'm sorry your feelings
are hurt" and then go on with what you are doing.

If his MOM is complaining to you or to your kids than that is another
matter. If it was just a problem with another kid, I'd tell my kids
that they weren't to come in crying and complaining to me unless they
were bleeding. Because I wasn't going to get into it with a neighbor.

When my mom had a problem with the kids next door to us (who were
younger), she just got us out of the house and into activities away
from the neighborhood. We went ice skating, swimming, to piano
lessons, scouts, and whatever she could find for us to do so that we
weren't home.

Every time the kid starts to cry and preferably BEFORE his mother
comes over and complains, take your kids to the library or to the pool
or to the park, or somewhere away. If you have room and energy, you
can take some of the neighborhood kids too, if their parents agree.

(Let your kids know that the minute he starts to cry, that you all
will be out of there. At breakfast in the morning, decide where you'd
like to go, and then if he starts to complain, they can immediately
come inside, and you can leave.)

Alternatively, you can just not answer the phone or the door when his
mom comes to complain.

Gee, I wonder how I would handle this problem. I think taking the kids
away is a bit extreme. But, if it works for you, that's cool. I think

In my mom's case the kids next door weren't cared for (she said that
they always had runny noses and were dirty- which I remember), and
they also weren't really trained or supervised, so they'd come over
into our yard and poop on the porch or pee in the bushes (I didn't
remember that).

I would just have them all vote on what they would like to do, and the
activity with the most votes wins. If the little boy cries then, well
then we'd have to tell him and his mom that we took a vote. Or, we
could put the activities in a hat and pick them out. Then, if most of
the kids DIDN'T want to play it, then we'd do it for a short time
only. That way, no one could say we didn't pick the winner. But
actually, I think a vote is better.

The vote thing would work if it was ONLY the child that was a problem.
It won't work if he runs home to his mom before they take the vote, or
if the other children have decided what they want to play and he comes
in late and wants them to change, or if he decides in the middle of
whatever they are doing that their rules aren't fair or whatever.

He's learned this as a coping strategy somewhere, and it isn't really
a good plan for an adult.

My dd#2 had a problem in her neighborhood in that the other moms
supervised their kids if they were out in the front yards with no
fences, and they took turns. One of the neighbors would send her kid
out to play with the others but would not come out herself to help. So
they would often (not always, but frequently) just go indoors or into
the back yard or to another house several blocks away if that child
tried to join the group.

On May 15, 9:20 pm, "workingmom" u34235@uwe wrote:
My neighbor's son (7) cries all the time. Whenever something doesn't go his
way he cries. And if the neighborhood kids are all playing and they don't
play what he wants he goes to his mom and tells her they left him out and
"his feelings are hurt". I am sooo sick and tired of hearing how his
feelings are hurt. What can I say to him? I find myself wanting to tell him
to just go home because he's such a brat. My children understand that
feelings do get hurt and they need to find a way to work with their friends
and get through it. Maybe I'm just being a witch, but this mom is "always
right" and I am getting to the point that I don't want my kids to go outside
and play when he is out. He has a sister too who is high maintenance but
she's another story. When the kids are out of school we will all be outside.
Help me get through the summer.

I'm sort of on the other side on this one, as the mom of the kid who
sometimes gets upset when left out. Tho, this is more often with
older kids who don't necessarily want to change their game to
accomodate a younger (now 5.5 y/o) kid, and then ds gets upset. It
was getting fairly nasty in our old neighborhood, where there was a
certain group of kids who would be out and out rude to him, and it
didn't exactly help matters when he was acting nasty for not getting
his way. I made the policy that he could ask kids once if he could
play with them - but he had to take no for an answer. And I tried
really hard to find other ideas if those were the only kids outside!
It has been better in our new neighborhood - some of the older kids
are great with him, but I watch pretty closely to try not to let him
overstay his welcome, iykwim. (He's a pretty intense kid, all around
- it can be exhausting to be around him!) And then there are the kids
who I can tell only tolerate him to be polite in front of grownups.
(I'm also working on getting more playtime with the kids further down
the block who are closer to his age - but it's trickier simply because
they are further away, and you can't hear them as easily as the kids
one or two houses away. And since they are younger, they are less
likely to be outside, since they require more adult supervision.)

It sounds like you need to try at least one more time to talk to the
mom, imo. You'll probably do better if you approach it as needing to
find a solution for everyone, since I'd bet she's tired of hearing him
cry, too.

I'm mom of three (now 9, 13 and 16), and I guess I must be a big
meanie.

Kids visiting our house from the neighbourhood get short shrift from
me when they are complaining or carrying on - I talk to them the same
way I talk to my own kids about most stuff (i.e. well, eat it or don't
eat it, but grilled cheese is what is for lunch).

I'm matter of fact, but I also tell kids who are really making an
annoying fuss to manipulate other kids, get their own way, command
attention etc. that they do have the option of going home if they
don't like what is going on - my basic stance is, well, you can work
on solving this together, but if you can't figure out a solution, your
choice is to go along with the game, or go home - continuing to stay
here and fuss is not on the list of things you can do.

Most kids smarten right up when they realize I'm serious and no one is
going to pander to them. I'm not mad at them, I don't yell or
anything, but I am really to the point and straight up. Like, gee,
Jenna, that's too bad the girls won't play the game you want them to
play, but you can come back later when you feel happier, and see if
they are playing something you do want to play.

Mary G.