say what to toddler about nursing pain?

My daughter is almost 23 months old now, and I am 19 weeks pregnant.
Sometimes, nursing her hurts. As a result, I pretty much only nurse
her to sleep. (I did nurse her today after another kid knocked her
down, but that's rare these days.)

Tonight I was nursing her to sleep and it hurt enough that I gasped in
pain. She let go and started to cry. My poor, sweet, sensitive
child. She really hates to hurt me (well, while nursing, anyway). I
was trying to cajole her back to the breast, and I told her it was
because of the pregnancy (wanting her to know she hadn't done anything
wrong).

DH was there, and he thought I should have said something different.
He doesn't want her to resent the new baby. Neither do I - it's a big
part of why weaning isn't an option. So, what do I say to her when
nursing hurts? Do I just try relatching her, over and over and over
if necessary? Sometimes that ****es her off. Do I just suck it up
and work really hard at not gasping in pain? Is it ok to tell her the
truth? Is there something else I should say?

I am reading _Adventures_in_Tandem_Nursing_ but I haven't found an
answer to this question in there yet -- I probably just haven't gotten
far enough in the book yet.
--
-- Vicki
Married DH May 21, 1995. Ima shel DS, born 11/16/99; DD, born at
home 5/19/02, and "the Final Frontier", "due" September 4, 2004.
The penalty that good men (sic) pay for not being interested in
politics is
to be governed by men worse than themselves. -Plato, philosopher
(427-347 BCE)

Hi -

Instead of telling her it hurts because you're pregnant, tell her it
hurts because you've got a "boo boo" (or whatever term you use for small
injuries). THat should make it clear that she needs to be gentle, that
some pain (on your part)is normal, and makes it neutral with regards to
the new baby.

Never been there myself, but it seems clear to me that you don't want
her to resent the baby before it's even been born! (She should wait to
resent the baby until the baby starts taking her toys apart.)

--Beth Kevles

http://web.mit.edu/kevles/www/nomilk.html -- a page for the milk-allergic
Disclaimer: Nothing in this message should be construed as medical
advice. Please consult with your own medical practicioner.

NOTE: No email is read at my MIT address. Use the AOL one if you would
like me to reply.

Hi Vicki,

I didn't answer your question when I first read it yesterday, even
though Monika nursed Clara throughout her pregnancy with Niel, and
then continued to tandem nurse for another 3 1/2 years, because I
wasn't sure what to say.

Thinking about it, I would be leary of saying too much to connect
the pain in your daughters mind too much with the pregnancy. I
think I would just say that your breasts are very tender, but that
they are still good nursies is she is very gentle with them. It
sounds like she is the sensetive type that can understand and do
this.

I wouldn't relatch, but I would remind her to be gentle with her
nursies (or whatever you call them).

Good luck,
Larry

Vicki S writes:
: My daughter is almost 23 months old now, and I am 19 weeks pregnant.
: Sometimes, nursing her hurts. As a result, I pretty much only nurse
: her to sleep. (I did nurse her today after another kid knocked her
: down, but that's rare these days.)

: Tonight I was nursing her to sleep and it hurt enough that I gasped in
: pain. She let go and started to cry. My poor, sweet, sensitive
: child. She really hates to hurt me (well, while nursing, anyway). I
: was trying to cajole her back to the breast, and I told her it was
: because of the pregnancy (wanting her to know she hadn't done anything
: wrong).

: DH was there, and he thought I should have said something different.
: He doesn't want her to resent the new baby. Neither do I - it's a big
: part of why weaning isn't an option. So, what do I say to her when
: nursing hurts? Do I just try relatching her, over and over and over
: if necessary? Sometimes that ****es her off. Do I just suck it up
: and work really hard at not gasping in pain? Is it ok to tell her the
: truth? Is there something else I should say?

: I am reading _Adventures_in_Tandem_Nursing_ but I haven't found an
: answer to this question in there yet -- I probably just haven't gotten
: far enough in the book yet.
: --
: -- Vicki
: Married DH May 21, 1995. Ima shel DS, born 11/16/99; DD, born at
: home 5/19/02, and "the Final Frontier", "due" September 4, 2004.
: The penalty that good men (sic) pay for not being interested in
: politics is
: to be governed by men worse than themselves. -Plato, philosopher
: (427-347 BCE)

DH was there, and he thought I should have said something different.
He doesn't want her to resent the new baby. Neither do I - it's a big
part of why weaning isn't an option. So, what do I say to her when
nursing hurts?

I wondered about this a lot too, but fortunately DS never asked me *why* when I
told him he had to finish up quickly because Mommy was sore. :-) (And, in
fact, he was really cooperative about unlatching shortly after a request to do
so.)

I don't know if that helps you at all, but I suspect that in general with 2-3
year olds it's a good idea to offer the minimum possible explanation to see if
it satisfies, before getting more elaborate. I was actually sort of astounded
that DS never wanted to know why I was sore, given that he drives us to
distraction with the "whys" all day long, but perhaps even so young he somehow
realized he'd rather not know and it was better to take what was offered rather
than inquire too deeply. :-)

Someone else posted here not too long ago that the explanation she offered for
why the milk was going away was that the child was a big boy/girl, didn't nurse
as often and and didn't NEED the milk so much any more, so Mommy's body knew
not to make so much. More or less truthful, and avoids connecting it to the
pregnancy or baby. Maybe something like that would work for you, although I
don't immediately see how to connect it to nipple pain!

Holly
Mom to Camden, 3yo
EDD #2 6/8/04

"Vicki S" wrote in message
om...
Do I just try relatching her, over and over and over
if necessary? Sometimes that ****es her off. Do I just suck it up
and work really hard at not gasping in pain? Is it ok to tell her the
truth? Is there something else I should say?


This is the big reason why I do not want to get pregnant again until both of
the older kids are no longer nursing :-) I just told M. that it hurt mommy.
She was 21 1/2 months when O. was born and was very verbal but never really
asked for a reason why. She did however ask to nurse again two minutes
later. I did unlatch and relatch her a million times and if she got upset
I'd tell her that she had to get her latch right within x tries or we'd have
to stop. I'd also grim and bear it for one to five minutes (five when it
only hurt some, one when it hurt like heck) trying to pay attention to
something else. Then I'd stop her and either distract or try to get her to
sleep. By about the time I was 20 weeks she was only nursing for naps,
bedtime and wakeup because that was all I could handle. It really turned
into a helpful rule as I'm now able to hold to it for sanity's sake when she
asks to nurse ten times a day. Good luck!

--
Rhiannon
Mom to M. Girl (2 1/2 years) and O. Boy (9 1/2 months)