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#1
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Need advice
I need some help on this. My brother and sister in law sent their son(will
be 3 in January) over to say with me for a few weeks. I'm really good with kids. In the last few months he has really been acting up and throwing tantrums. I've spent a lot of time with him and he has spent weeks with me. They know he listens to me. And are okay with my methods although I have noticed that he is very defiant, even to me for the last 3 months. I'm not opposed to spanking but something really disturbed me. My Mother asked him to come to her and he wouldn't. (He never really goes to her. Weeks ago I told her that he thinks she's another kid because she always plays with him and he can't tell the difference. Last month he did the same thing and she thought it was cute and started laughing.) He's only been here 24 hours and I really haven't had a chance to work with him. My Stepdad was standing there and immediately got up to get a fly swatter. I told him to take a time out and he was standing in the corner when my stepdad came back and started to hit him (very lightly but I have no doubt it would have be harder if I was not across the room.) I stopped him, and I took my nephew my nephew out of the room. I have a few problems with this: 1. My Mother did nothing to stop this. Not surprising because she never stopped him when he did it to me. (Keep in mind she things it is a running joke and I think she should have said so. How does a 3 year old know?) 2. My stepdad would NEVER EVER hit one if his kids. (And had admitted it.) Yet he could jump up over this incident. 3. My stepdad does not involve himself with my Nephew even when he's around or in the same way. He pretty much ignores him unless he is putting on a show for my Brother. 4. Shouldn't you use progressive dicipline and explain why you are doing it? Really need some help here. I felt like attacking him and my Mom (for being so GD passive) myself. Lava |
#2
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Need advice
Technopaganess wrote: I need some help on this. My brother and sister in law sent their son(will be 3 in January) over to say with me for a few weeks. I'm really good with kids. In the last few months he has really been acting up and throwing tantrums. I've spent a lot of time with him and he has spent weeks with me. They know he listens to me. And are okay with my methods although I have noticed that he is very defiant, even to me for the last 3 months. I'm not opposed to spanking but something really disturbed me. My Mother asked him to come to her and he wouldn't. (He never really goes to her. Weeks ago I told her that he thinks she's another kid because she always plays with him and he can't tell the difference. Last month he did the same thing and she thought it was cute and started laughing.) He's only been here 24 hours and I really haven't had a chance to work with him. My Stepdad was standing there and immediately got up to get a fly swatter. I told him to take a time out and he was standing in the corner when my stepdad came back and started to hit him (very lightly but I have no doubt it would have be harder if I was not across the room.) What were you giving him a time out for? For not going to someone? That seems a strange reaction of your part. More on your stepfather's part. You'd punish a child under 3 for not having relationships worked out, and not understanding them? Or for simply being playful and exploratory? Weird I stopped him, and I took my nephew my nephew out of the room. I have a few problems with this: 1. My Mother did nothing to stop this. The swatting? Or the not going to her? Not surprising because she never stopped him when he did it to me. (Keep in mind she things it is a running joke and I think she should have said so. How does a 3 year old know?) The two issues are so intertwined I cannot begin to sort out an answer that would address your question, if there is one. The only question I can respond to is "How does a 3 year old know?" He can't, of course. So why is everyone, including you, treating him as though he should? 2. My stepdad would NEVER EVER hit one if his kids. (And had admitted it.) Yet he could jump up over this incident. 3. My stepdad does not involve himself with my Nephew even when he's around or in the same way. He pretty much ignores him unless he is putting on a show for my Brother. 4. Shouldn't you use progressive dicipline and explain why you are doing it? This seems to be the only question you've asked. The rest appears explanatory. No, there's no need for "dicipline"[sic] of a three year old, that is if you mean "punishment." Simply tell the child what's wanted, and leave it be. Do NO expect him to understand or comply. He's looking for answeres, give them to him, and leave him time to sort them out on his own. Really need some help here. I felt like attacking him and my Mom (for being so GD passive) myself. I'm confused by the above sentence. Clarify please. A three year old's behavior is more often erratic (to the observer) than not. It's about exploring the potentials in both the material and behavioral worlds. He'd do well for the adults in his life to study some early childhood development. Lava Best, Q{ } ho ho ho ho |
#3
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Need advice
Technopaganess wrote: I need some help on this. My brother and sister in law sent their son(will be 3 in January) over to say with me for a few weeks. I'm really good with kids. In the last few months he has really been acting up and throwing tantrums. I've spent a lot of time with him and he has spent weeks with me. They know he listens to me. And are okay with my methods although I have noticed that he is very defiant, even to me for the last 3 months. I'm not opposed to spanking but something really disturbed me. My Mother asked him to come to her and he wouldn't. (He never really goes to her. Weeks ago I told her that he thinks she's another kid because she always plays with him and he can't tell the difference. Last month he did the same thing and she thought it was cute and started laughing.) He's only been here 24 hours and I really haven't had a chance to work with him. My Stepdad was standing there and immediately got up to get a fly swatter. I told him to take a time out and he was standing in the corner when my stepdad came back and started to hit him (very lightly but I have no doubt it would have be harder if I was not across the room.) What were you giving him a time out for? For not going to someone? That seems a strange reaction of your part. More on your stepfather's part. You'd punish a child under 3 for not having relationships worked out, and not understanding them? Or for simply being playful and exploratory? Weird I stopped him, and I took my nephew my nephew out of the room. I have a few problems with this: 1. My Mother did nothing to stop this. The swatting? Or the not going to her? Not surprising because she never stopped him when he did it to me. (Keep in mind she things it is a running joke and I think she should have said so. How does a 3 year old know?) The two issues are so intertwined I cannot begin to sort out an answer that would address your question, if there is one. The only question I can respond to is "How does a 3 year old know?" He can't, of course. So why is everyone, including you, treating him as though he should? 2. My stepdad would NEVER EVER hit one if his kids. (And had admitted it.) Yet he could jump up over this incident. 3. My stepdad does not involve himself with my Nephew even when he's around or in the same way. He pretty much ignores him unless he is putting on a show for my Brother. 4. Shouldn't you use progressive dicipline and explain why you are doing it? This seems to be the only question you've asked. The rest appears explanatory. No, there's no need for "dicipline"[sic] of a three year old, that is if you mean "punishment." Simply tell the child what's wanted, and leave it be. Do NO expect him to understand or comply. He's looking for answeres, give them to him, and leave him time to sort them out on his own. Really need some help here. I felt like attacking him and my Mom (for being so GD passive) myself. I'm confused by the above sentence. Clarify please. A three year old's behavior is more often erratic (to the observer) than not. It's about exploring the potentials in both the material and behavioral worlds. He'd do well for the adults in his life to study some early childhood development. Lava Best, Q{ } ho ho ho ho |
#4
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Need advice
wrote in message ups.com... : : Technopaganess wrote: : I need some help on this. My brother and sister in law sent their son(will : be 3 in January) over to say with me for a few weeks. I'm really good with : kids. In the last few months he has really been acting up and throwing : tantrums. I've spent a lot of time with him and he has spent weeks with me. : They know he listens to me. And are okay with my methods although I have : noticed that he is very defiant, even to me for the last 3 months. I'm not : opposed to spanking but something really disturbed me. : : My Mother asked him to come to her and he wouldn't. (He never really goes : to her. Weeks ago I told her that he thinks she's another kid because she : always plays with him and he can't tell the difference. Last month he did : the same thing and she thought it was cute and started laughing.) : : He's only been here 24 hours and I really haven't had a chance to work with : him. My Stepdad was standing there and immediately got up to get a fly : swatter. I told him to take a time out and he was standing in the corner : when my stepdad came back and started to hit him (very lightly but I have no : doubt it would have be harder if I was not across the room.) : : What were you giving him a time out for? For not going to someone? : : That seems a strange reaction of your part. More on your stepfather's : part. : : You'd punish a child under 3 for not having relationships worked out, : and not understanding them? Or for simply being playful and : exploratory? Weird : : : I stopped him, and I took my nephew my nephew out of the room. : : I have a few problems with this: : : 1. My Mother did nothing to stop this. : : The swatting? Or the not going to her? : : Not surprising because she never : stopped him when he did it to me. (Keep in mind she things it is a running : joke and I think she should have said so. How does a 3 year old know?) : : The two issues are so intertwined I cannot begin to sort out an answer : that would address your question, if there is one. The only question I : can respond to is "How does a 3 year old know?" He can't, of course. So : why is everyone, including you, treating him as though he should? : : 2. My stepdad would NEVER EVER hit one if his kids. (And had admitted it.) : Yet he could jump up over this incident. : : 3. My stepdad does not involve himself with my Nephew even when he's around : or in the same way. He pretty much ignores him unless he is putting on a : show for my Brother. : : 4. Shouldn't you use progressive dicipline and explain why you are doing : it? : : This seems to be the only question you've asked. The rest appears : explanatory. : : No, there's no need for "dicipline"[sic] of a three year old, that is : if you mean "punishment." Simply tell the child what's wanted, and : leave it be. Do NO expect him to understand or comply. He's looking for : answeres, give them to him, and leave him time to sort them out on his : own. : : Really need some help here. I felt like attacking him and my Mom (for being : so GD passive) myself. : : I'm confused by the above sentence. Clarify please. : : A three year old's behavior is more often erratic (to the observer) : than not. It's about exploring the potentials in both the material and : behavioral worlds. : : He'd do well for the adults in his life to study some early childhood : development. : : Lava : : Best, : : Q{ } ho ho ho ho : |
#5
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LOL! KANER AT WORK RAPING AND PILLAGING AGAIN! Need advice
HERE'S THE NICE KANER-TROLL-HATE-MONGERING BIGOT, ACTING ALL NICE
AND PLEASANT, ADDING THE FC NEWSGROUP TO A POST DISTRIBUTION, SO THAT HE CAN SHOW HOW HE'S BEING IMPUNED FOR TRYING TO HELP SOMEONE. FUNNY THING IS, THERE IS NO PRECEDING POST TO THE KANER'S POST ON THE FC GROUP - IT STANDS ALONE AS ITS ONLY ENTRY IN THE THREAD. SO, THE REASON FOR THE POST SHOWING UP IN FC IS DIRECTLY OBVIOUS - STUPIDITY, NARCISSISM, AND IGNORANCE OF SOCIAL BEAVIOR NORMS. POOR POOR KANERS - THEY'RE SUCH PATHETIC THINGS WHEN THEY THINK THEY CAN THINK. IT POSTS, ANSWERS ITS OWN POSTS, POSES, ANSWERS IT AGAIN, AND THEN WONDERS WHY PEOPLE THINK IT HAS NOTHING RELEVANT TO THE GROUP TOPIC TO DISCUSS. wrote in message ups.com... : : Technopaganess wrote: : I need some help on this. My brother and sister in law sent their son(will : be 3 in January) over to say with me for a few weeks. I'm really good with : kids. In the last few months he has really been acting up and throwing : tantrums. I've spent a lot of time with him and he has spent weeks with me. : They know he listens to me. And are okay with my methods although I have : noticed that he is very defiant, even to me for the last 3 months. I'm not : opposed to spanking but something really disturbed me. : : My Mother asked him to come to her and he wouldn't. (He never really goes : to her. Weeks ago I told her that he thinks she's another kid because she : always plays with him and he can't tell the difference. Last month he did : the same thing and she thought it was cute and started laughing.) : : He's only been here 24 hours and I really haven't had a chance to work with : him. My Stepdad was standing there and immediately got up to get a fly : swatter. I told him to take a time out and he was standing in the corner : when my stepdad came back and started to hit him (very lightly but I have no : doubt it would have be harder if I was not across the room.) : : What were you giving him a time out for? For not going to someone? : : That seems a strange reaction of your part. More on your stepfather's : part. : : You'd punish a child under 3 for not having relationships worked out, : and not understanding them? Or for simply being playful and : exploratory? Weird : : : I stopped him, and I took my nephew my nephew out of the room. : : I have a few problems with this: : : 1. My Mother did nothing to stop this. : : The swatting? Or the not going to her? : : Not surprising because she never : stopped him when he did it to me. (Keep in mind she things it is a running : joke and I think she should have said so. How does a 3 year old know?) : : The two issues are so intertwined I cannot begin to sort out an answer : that would address your question, if there is one. The only question I : can respond to is "How does a 3 year old know?" He can't, of course. So : why is everyone, including you, treating him as though he should? : : 2. My stepdad would NEVER EVER hit one if his kids. (And had admitted it.) : Yet he could jump up over this incident. : : 3. My stepdad does not involve himself with my Nephew even when he's around : or in the same way. He pretty much ignores him unless he is putting on a : show for my Brother. : : 4. Shouldn't you use progressive dicipline and explain why you are doing : it? : : This seems to be the only question you've asked. The rest appears : explanatory. : : No, there's no need for "dicipline"[sic] of a three year old, that is : if you mean "punishment." Simply tell the child what's wanted, and : leave it be. Do NO expect him to understand or comply. He's looking for : answeres, give them to him, and leave him time to sort them out on his : own. : : Really need some help here. I felt like attacking him and my Mom (for being : so GD passive) myself. : : I'm confused by the above sentence. Clarify please. : : A three year old's behavior is more often erratic (to the observer) : than not. It's about exploring the potentials in both the material and : behavioral worlds. : : He'd do well for the adults in his life to study some early childhood : development. : : Lava : : Best, : : Q{ } ho ho ho ho : |
#6
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Need advice
Technopaganess wrote: I need some help on this. My brother and sister in law sent their son(will be 3 in January) over to say with me for a few weeks. I'm really good with kids. In the last few months he has really been acting up and throwing tantrums. I've spent a lot of time with him and he has spent weeks with me. They know he listens to me. And are okay with my methods although I have noticed that he is very defiant, even to me for the last 3 months. I'm not opposed to spanking but something really disturbed me. I'm opposed to spanking, but that doesn't really seem to be the main issue here. There could be several things going on. He's not yet three. Toddlers are often defiant, and this is a developmentally appropriate stage. You say you've spent a lot of time with him and are good with kids, but the fact that a child this young is sent to stay with his uncle for several weeks is confusing. Children, especially very young children, often act out with this sort of transition. I'm sure he's wondering why he's not with his mommy and daddy. My Mother asked him to come to her and he wouldn't. (He never really goes to her. Weeks ago I told her that he thinks she's another kid because she always plays with him and he can't tell the difference. Last month he did the same thing and she thought it was cute and started laughing.) I don't understand this paragraph. There is a reason he isn't going to your mother, but it has nothing to do with the fact that she plays with him. Playing with a child strengthens the bonding process and has nothing to do with him viewing your mother as a kid. However, the last sentence of the paragraph indicates that she may be laughing at him. This could possibly explain why he doesn't go to her. He's only been here 24 hours and I really haven't had a chance to work with him. My Stepdad was standing there and immediately got up to get a fly swatter. I told him to take a time out and he was standing in the corner when my stepdad came back and started to hit him (very lightly but I have no doubt it would have be harder if I was not across the room.) Your stepdad's response is obviously abusive an inappropriate. However, I have another question. Why would you give a child a time out for not wanting to go to someone? For whatever reason, your nephew is avoiding your mother, and he has a right to do so. In your comments below, you seem to indicate that there are issues of abuse with your stepfather. Who knows why your mother did nothing to stop this. If he hit you, it isn't surprising that he would view hitting as acceptable for his step-grandchildren. Of course progressive discipline is the answer. What is your confusion? LaVonne I stopped him, and I took my nephew my nephew out of the room. I have a few problems with this: 1. My Mother did nothing to stop this. Not surprising because she never stopped him when he did it to me. (Keep in mind she things it is a running joke and I think she should have said so. How does a 3 year old know?) 2. My stepdad would NEVER EVER hit one if his kids. (And had admitted it.) Yet he could jump up over this incident. 3. My stepdad does not involve himself with my Nephew even when he's around or in the same way. He pretty much ignores him unless he is putting on a show for my Brother. 4. Shouldn't you use progressive dicipline and explain why you are doing it? Really need some help here. I felt like attacking him and my Mom (for being so GD passive) myself. Lava |
#7
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Need advice
It is approaching Christmas. That's generally an exciting time for
youngsters. This brat is away from his parents for unspecified reasons. Something to do with either the reason why the kid was dropped off on your doorstep or that fact that he arrived at a normally exciting time for children might have something to do with the kid's wildcard behavior. Your stepfather's low tolerance level might have something to do with his age. If he is not used to a rambunctious kid running round the house, a little wild thing might cause some irritability. Your mother's behavior may be an attempt at pacification. Your strategies may not be working simply because the kid is getting too many mixed signals. Also, you may be used to working with kids for a few hours at a time instead of a few weeks at a time. From the kid's point of view, one adult is playing the heavy. One adult is playing like another kid. One adult is engaged in some unspecified role. The kid is in a new environment at a universally exciting time for children. There is apparently no consistency in expectations. Even if there were, it is probably different from what he is used to with his parents. To make matters worse, his parents are nowhere to be found. He may or may not know why they are missing. He might not even understand when they will return; 2 or 3 weeks can seem like an eternity at that age. Any assurance his parents may offer is absent from his life. No wonder the kid is confused. Technopaganess wrote: I need some help on this. My brother and sister in law sent their son(will be 3 in January) over to say with me for a few weeks. I'm really good with kids. In the last few months he has really been acting up and throwing tantrums. I've spent a lot of time with him and he has spent weeks with me. They know he listens to me. And are okay with my methods although I have noticed that he is very defiant, even to me for the last 3 months. I'm not opposed to spanking but something really disturbed me. My Mother asked him to come to her and he wouldn't. (He never really goes to her. Weeks ago I told her that he thinks she's another kid because she always plays with him and he can't tell the difference. Last month he did the same thing and she thought it was cute and started laughing.) He's only been here 24 hours and I really haven't had a chance to work with him. My Stepdad was standing there and immediately got up to get a fly swatter. I told him to take a time out and he was standing in the corner when my stepdad came back and started to hit him (very lightly but I have no doubt it would have be harder if I was not across the room.) I stopped him, and I took my nephew my nephew out of the room. I have a few problems with this: 1. My Mother did nothing to stop this. Not surprising because she never stopped him when he did it to me. (Keep in mind she things it is a running joke and I think she should have said so. How does a 3 year old know?) 2. My stepdad would NEVER EVER hit one if his kids. (And had admitted it.) Yet he could jump up over this incident. 3. My stepdad does not involve himself with my Nephew even when he's around or in the same way. He pretty much ignores him unless he is putting on a show for my Brother. 4. Shouldn't you use progressive dicipline and explain why you are doing it? Really need some help here. I felt like attacking him and my Mom (for being so GD passive) myself. Lava |
#8
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Need advice
Opinions wrote: It is approaching Christmas. That's generally an exciting time for youngsters. This brat is away from his parents for unspecified reasons. Something to do with either the reason why the kid was dropped off on your doorstep or that fact that he arrived at a normally exciting time for children might have something to do with the kid's wildcard behavior. Your stepfather's low tolerance level might have something to do with his age. If he is not used to a rambunctious kid running round the house, a little wild thing might cause some irritability. Your mother's behavior may be an attempt at pacification. Your strategies may not be working simply because the kid is getting too many mixed signals. Also, you may be used to working with kids for a few hours at a time instead of a few weeks at a time. From the kid's point of view, one adult is playing the heavy. One adult is playing like another kid. One adult is engaged in some unspecified role. The kid is in a new environment at a universally exciting time for children. There is apparently no consistency in expectations. Even if there were, it is probably different from what he is used to with his parents. To make matters worse, his parents are nowhere to be found. He may or may not know why they are missing. He might not even understand when they will return; 2 or 3 weeks can seem like an eternity at that age. Any assurance his parents may offer is absent from his life. No wonder the kid is confused. Still carping your child hatred nitwittery, ****ant? Let's hope you worked your own children over well enough they will remain cowed until you finally pass of this mortal coil naturally. We'd hate to read of the patricide of Observer the little piggie. R R R R You and the dancing hysterical screaching monkey make a lovely pear, and fruits you are. Q}{ } ho ho ho ho |
#9
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Need advice
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#10
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Need advice
Given the tone of Kane's post, he would be safe to bet that he or she
had foamy slobber all over their keyboard by the time they finished. As usual, Kane had nothing to say except that he or she has hang-up with "Observer". Doan wrote: On 18 Dec 2005 wrote: Still carping your child hatred nitwittery, ****ant? Let's hope you worked your own children over well enough they will remain cowed until you finally pass of this mortal coil naturally. We'd hate to read of the patricide of Observer the little piggie. R R R R You and the dancing hysterical screaching monkey make a lovely pear, and fruits you are. Q}{ } ho ho ho ho This is a lovely example of how a "never-spanked" kid turned into. Your mom must be proud! ;-) Doan |
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