Embarrassing Students Isn't "Discipline"

On Fri, 11 Jul 2003, t=F6t=F6=A9 wrote:

On Fri, 11 Jul 2003 19:56:37 -0700, Doan wrote:

Yup! Especially when both parents are working and the kids are in
daycare from 7AM to 6PM!!! Or children are left alone to care for
themselves from 3PM, when school is out, 'till whenever the single
mother got home from work! Do you still have time for positive
parenting? :-)

In situations like this, you had better make time for positive
parenting, because negative parenting makes your life more
stressful.

Life is often not a matter of either/or.

Doan

"Newman Hunt" wrote in message
...
On Fri, 11 Jul 2003 19:09:52 -0500, tötö©
wrote:

On Fri, 11 Jul 2003 19:13:45 -0400, Newman Hunt
wrote:

The attitude begins before school age.

Are you suggesting that adolecesents who never exhibited any emotional
dysfunctions before school age must have been abused if they are
bullied in school and suddenly go on a killing spree?

I would suggest that often the bullying in school is only a proximate
cause and not the full story.

Have you ever endured a prolonged period of time where you were
bullied? If not, how can you suggest such a thing?

I was-for years. As a student with physical and speech-language delays, I
was very "amusing" to get a reaction from.

However, home was my refuge, where I knew I was safe. I didn't get the same
emotional and physical abuse there that I did at school. As a result, I
could cling to that and not internalize the abuse as being part of me which
I deserved.


Similarly, I've known abused children for whom school was their refuge,
where they were accepted. And in general, they are less likely to
internalize the abuse and believe it is caused by them.

The saddest children are those who are pariahs both at home and at school,
because they often feel they have no one to blame but themselves, and that
therefore it has to be their fault. And where the culture used to be such
that such children either endured it (and grew up to end up in abusive
relationships or to be abusive themselves, or both), ended up using drugs,
or ended up committing suicide, now violence is increasingly becoming the
answer. Not only school shootings, but many kids who get involved in gangs
do so because they need an accepting place where they feel safe-and the gang
provides that.

On Sun, 13 Jul 2003 09:00:00 -0500, "Donna Metler"
wrote:

However, home was my refuge, where I knew I was safe. I didn't
get the same emotional and physical abuse there that I did at
school. As a result, I could cling to that and not internalize the abuse
as being part of me which I deserved.

Exactly. This is why parents need to be positive and love their
children unconditionally.

Similarly, I've known abused children for whom school was their
refuge, where they were accepted. And in general, they are less
likely to internalize the abuse and believe it is caused by them.

Agreed.

The saddest children are those who are pariahs both at home
and at school, because they often feel they have no one to blame
but themselves, and that therefore it has to be their fault. And where
the culture used to be such that such children either endured it
(and grew up to end up in abusive relationships or to be abusive
themselves, or both), ended up using drugs, or ended up committing
suicide, now violence is increasingly becoming the answer. Not only
school shootings, but many kids who get involved in gangs do so
because they need an accepting place where they feel safe-and the
gang provides that.

The gangs provide *family* when adults do not.

But that is not a new phenomenon. The violence has grown with
more violent weapons, but gangs were around even when my
dad grew up.

And suicide, eating disorders, cutting, and other hurts are even
more common today or at least more reported. Abused children
internalize or externalize the anger depending on their temperament
and their life experiences.


--
Dorothy

There is no sound, no cry in all the world
that can be heard unless someone listens ..
Outer Limits

"Newman Hunt" wrote in message
...
On Sun, 13 Jul 2003 09:00:00 -0500, "Donna Metler"
wrote:


"Newman Hunt" wrote in message
.. .
On Fri, 11 Jul 2003 19:09:52 -0500, tötö©
wrote:

On Fri, 11 Jul 2003 19:13:45 -0400, Newman Hunt
wrote:

The attitude begins before school age.

Are you suggesting that adolecesents who never exhibited any
emotional
dysfunctions before school age must have been abused if they are
bullied in school and suddenly go on a killing spree?

I would suggest that often the bullying in school is only a proximate
cause and not the full story.

Have you ever endured a prolonged period of time where you were
bullied? If not, how can you suggest such a thing?

I was-for years. As a student with physical and speech-language delays, I
was very "amusing" to get a reaction from.

However, home was my refuge, where I knew I was safe. I didn't get the
same
emotional and physical abuse there that I did at school. As a result, I
could cling to that and not internalize the abuse as being part of me
which
I deserved.

Were your parents aware of the emotional and physical abuse you
endured at school? If so, what did they do (if anything) to combat
this abuse? If your parents weren't aware of the abuse, why not?

My parents were limited in what they could do-this didn't take place in the
classroom, but around it, during the so-called "social" times of the day.
One of the best things they did was find a karate instructor who was willing
to work with me-having the confidence and knowing I could defend myself
physically helped a lot, and the one time I ever did fight back physically,
they strongly defended me and supported me.

And, in general, they helped me find things I was good at and capitalize on
my strengths, and made efforts to make contact with people who would be good
peers for me, which helped as well.

In alt.parenting.spanking Newman Hunt wrote:
[snip]
: You recognize that life is sacred,
: most especially innocent life which cannot protect itself. I
: recognize that God gave us choice which you want to take away from me.

: Please negotiate a win-win situation.

Ooooh no.... you did NOT just introduce the abortion debate here! Off
topic alert! aaaaOOOOOwa! aaaaOOOOOwa!

Chris

On 16 Jul 2003, Chris wrote:

In alt.parenting.spanking Newman Hunt wrote:
[snip]
: You recognize that life is sacred,
: most especially innocent life which cannot protect itself. I
: recognize that God gave us choice which you want to take away from me.

: Please negotiate a win-win situation.

Ooooh no.... you did NOT just introduce the abortion debate here! Off
topic alert! aaaaOOOOOwa! aaaaOOOOOwa!

Chris

Good for a laugh! Chris is complaining about being off topic! ;-)

Doan