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playdates for 4yo



 
 
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  #1  
Old October 10th 05, 10:22 PM
toypup
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Default playdates for 4yo

Until now, I've had playdates arranged with friends who have children or
people I meet in playgroups. Basically, I know the parents first. Now, DS
is in preschool and he has this best friend who I'd like to have over for a
playdate. I see his dad in passing but we don't make much conversation as
one of us is either coming or going. I did mention to him that we'd love to
have his DS come over for a playdate one of these days. I wonder if most
parents of 4 yo these days drop off their kids on playdates when they don't
really know the other family? I guess I could invite the dad (I never see
the mom), but I really want it to just be a playdate. That's all I have
energy for ATM, lol.


  #2  
Old October 10th 05, 10:27 PM
bizby40
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Posts: n/a
Default playdates for 4yo


"toypup" wrote in message
. ..
Until now, I've had playdates arranged with friends who have children or
people I meet in playgroups. Basically, I know the parents first. Now,
DS is in preschool and he has this best friend who I'd like to have over
for a playdate. I see his dad in passing but we don't make much
conversation as one of us is either coming or going. I did mention to him
that we'd love to have his DS come over for a playdate one of these days.
I wonder if most parents of 4 yo these days drop off their kids on
playdates when they don't really know the other family? I guess I could
invite the dad (I never see the mom), but I really want it to just be a
playdate. That's all I have energy for ATM, lol.


I wouldn't have left my child with a family I didn't know at that age.
Kindergarten seems to make a world of difference. That said, you
can ask and the worst that can happen is that they'll say no. Offer
to take her home from pre-school and have them pick her up later.
That way there won't be any confusion about whether they are
expected to stay, and you won't have to try to find a nice way
to tell them they aren't welcome.

Bizby


  #3  
Old October 10th 05, 11:35 PM
Ericka Kammerer
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Default playdates for 4yo

toypup wrote:
Until now, I've had playdates arranged with friends who have children or
people I meet in playgroups. Basically, I know the parents first. Now, DS
is in preschool and he has this best friend who I'd like to have over for a
playdate. I see his dad in passing but we don't make much conversation as
one of us is either coming or going. I did mention to him that we'd love to
have his DS come over for a playdate one of these days. I wonder if most
parents of 4 yo these days drop off their kids on playdates when they don't
really know the other family? I guess I could invite the dad (I never see
the mom), but I really want it to just be a playdate. That's all I have
energy for ATM, lol.


I would not expect the parent of a 4yo to be willing
to drop him off at a stranger's house and leave. Many would
do it (and I'm not saying it's necessarily unreasonable of
them to do so), but I would not expect them to. So, I wouldn't
extend the invitation if I wasn't willing to accommodate the
parent if he wanted to stick around. I think it would put
the other parent in a very awkward position.

Best wishes,
Ericka
  #4  
Old October 10th 05, 11:41 PM
dragonlady
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Default playdates for 4yo

In article ,
"toypup" wrote:

"bizby40" wrote in message
...

"toypup" wrote in message
. ..
I wonder if most parents of 4 yo these days drop off their kids on
playdates when they don't really know the other family? I guess I could
invite the dad (I never see the mom), but I really want it to just be a
playdate. That's all I have energy for ATM, lol.


I wouldn't have left my child with a family I didn't know at that age.
Kindergarten seems to make a world of difference.


Ah, thanks. Personally, I wouldn't leave DS with anyone I didn't know,
either. I just don't know what the rest of the world does. I'm sure I
could ask and they could say no, but I'd really like them to say yes, only
because DS loves this friend so much. They're really cute together. I
guess we could work on a time when we could all meet up. It would have to
be the families meeting, since I admit to not being comfortable only asking
the dad and having me be the only one home with the kids to meet him.

So, is the common age for playdates with stranger's kid (met only in
passing, but kids know each other) here 5 yo?


I'm not sure there IS a "common age", as in one that is generally agreed
upon. I have known parents of children in 3rd or 4th grade who would
not allow their children at anyone else's house unless they were with
them. On the other hand, when my oldest was 3, she was invited to the
home of someone I didn't know well, and I was surprised to find out that
I was expected to just drop her off and pick her up 2 hours later. (I
had wrongly assumed that the invitation was for all of us -- it was
quite disheartening, as I was fairly new in the area and had looked
forward to spending some time around another adult; plus, it was over a
1/2 hour drive, so the babies (the twins would have been about 6 months
old) and I had to spend over 2 hours in the car (over an hour for each
leg) for her to have a 2 hour play date -- and one of them HATED being
in the car!

So just make sure you are clear.

If you aren't comfortable with the dad coming into your home, you could
ask about meeting at some public place.

That's not very far away.
I'm not sure how comfy I'd be, but I'm sure that could change when I get
there.

DS has been wanting to call this friend. It's fine with me, if it's okay
with them. What do you all think of 4 yo's calling each other? It's
another one of those things where it wouldn't hurt to ask, but I like
testing the waters of public opinion first. Issues that I don't think about
sometimes pop up that way.


I was always fine with the kids talking on the phone as long as they had
learned decent telephone manners. I taught my kids to identify
themselves first, and then ask to "please speak to so and so" -- and
also to just leave a message if they were told that the person wasn't
available. (I hated it when kids called here and demanded to know WHY
so and so couldn't come to the phone, or where they were.)
--
Children won't care how much you know until they know how much you care

  #5  
Old October 10th 05, 11:57 PM
toypup
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Posts: n/a
Default playdates for 4yo


"bizby40" wrote in message
...

"toypup" wrote in message
. ..
I wonder if most parents of 4 yo these days drop off their kids on
playdates when they don't really know the other family? I guess I could
invite the dad (I never see the mom), but I really want it to just be a
playdate. That's all I have energy for ATM, lol.


I wouldn't have left my child with a family I didn't know at that age.
Kindergarten seems to make a world of difference.


Ah, thanks. Personally, I wouldn't leave DS with anyone I didn't know,
either. I just don't know what the rest of the world does. I'm sure I
could ask and they could say no, but I'd really like them to say yes, only
because DS loves this friend so much. They're really cute together. I
guess we could work on a time when we could all meet up. It would have to
be the families meeting, since I admit to not being comfortable only asking
the dad and having me be the only one home with the kids to meet him.

So, is the common age for playdates with stranger's kid (met only in
passing, but kids know each other) here 5 yo? That's not very far away.
I'm not sure how comfy I'd be, but I'm sure that could change when I get
there.

DS has been wanting to call this friend. It's fine with me, if it's okay
with them. What do you all think of 4 yo's calling each other? It's
another one of those things where it wouldn't hurt to ask, but I like
testing the waters of public opinion first. Issues that I don't think about
sometimes pop up that way.



  #6  
Old October 11th 05, 12:58 AM
Tai
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Posts: n/a
Default playdates for 4yo

toypup wrote:
"bizby40" wrote in message
...

"toypup" wrote in message
. ..
I wonder if most parents of 4 yo these days drop off their kids on
playdates when they don't really know the other family? I guess I
could invite the dad (I never see the mom), but I really want it to
just be a playdate. That's all I have energy for ATM, lol.


I wouldn't have left my child with a family I didn't know at that
age. Kindergarten seems to make a world of difference.


Ah, thanks. Personally, I wouldn't leave DS with anyone I didn't
know, either. I just don't know what the rest of the world does. I'm sure
I could ask and they could say no, but I'd really like them
to say yes, only because DS loves this friend so much. They're
really cute together. I guess we could work on a time when we could
all meet up. It would have to be the families meeting, since I admit
to not being comfortable only asking the dad and having me be the
only one home with the kids to meet him.
So, is the common age for playdates with stranger's kid (met only in
passing, but kids know each other) here 5 yo? That's not very far
away. I'm not sure how comfy I'd be, but I'm sure that could change
when I get there.

DS has been wanting to call this friend. It's fine with me, if it's
okay with them. What do you all think of 4 yo's calling each other? It's
another one of those things where it wouldn't hurt to ask, but I
like testing the waters of public opinion first. Issues that I don't
think about sometimes pop up that way.


My son turned 4 in January and pre-school started in February so we have had
that situation all year when he has been invited on playdates. For the first
visit in each other's homes the parent has always stayed and socialised with
the other parent. After that, if everyone is happy and the kids get on well,
we go to solo playdates.

As a bonus one of the mothers is really great and we get on like a house on
fire so in that case the playdates have become primarily for the adults!

I wouldn't leave a young child with another adult unless I'd spent some time
in their company and I expect other parents to 'evaluate' me in the same
way.

In your situation could you have the first playdate at a park or somewhere
that involves less work than your own home? I, too, would be a little
uncomfortable having a father who I didn't already have a family-friend
relationship with come to my house when my older children (teens) or my
husband wasn't home.

As for the phone calls, I think that would be sweet but you might want to
start off with a few rules first so they don't become phone addicts!

Tai


  #7  
Old October 11th 05, 01:06 AM
Catherine Woodgold
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Default playdates for 4yo


"bizby40" ) writes:
I wouldn't have left my child with a family I didn't know at that age.
Kindergarten seems to make a world of difference. That said, you
can ask and the worst that can happen is that they'll say no.


That is not the worst that can happen. The worst that can
happen is that the dad comes over and gives toypup unwanted
attention. Maybe the risk is small and it's worth it.
(Maybe he's embarassed to come over for related reasons.)
Whether you're willing to have the dad over or not, you
have to be careful about how you word the invitation.
You could begin by discussing in further detail the
vague invitation for "someday": e.g. "do you think
one of these days we could take your child home and
you could pick him up later? I'd like to get them
together to play somehow one of these days." and see
what he thinks might be workable.

Um, sorry, toypup, you're female, right? Otherwise
what I wrote above doesn't make as much sense :-)
If you're married, you could have the child and his
dad over when your husband is home too, casually letting
the dad know that will be the case so he won't
think up some excuse not to come. Or, you can ask
him for the phone number of the child's mother: she
might be more open to arranging playdates.
--
Cathy Woodgold
http://www.ncf.ca/~an588/par_home.html
We are all Iraqis now.
  #8  
Old October 11th 05, 01:49 AM
Caledonia
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Posts: n/a
Default playdates for 4yo


toypup wrote:
I wonder if most
parents of 4 yo these days drop off their kids on playdates when they don't
really know the other family?


When DD1 was 4 yo, the answer was no -- pretty much all parents (or a
parent) accompanied the child. (Some even had a quiz sheet -- any
firearms? dogs crated? etc.) When I look at it from a 4 yo's
perspective, it seems reasonable to expect that the playdate child
might feel weirded out visiting another house alone also.

I guess I could invite the dad (I never see
the mom), but I really want it to just be a playdate.


If there's a place (park? trail? pond?) near you that little kids go to
run around you could offer to meet the playdate child and his parent
there -- hence, you're not entertaining (or making small talk), yet
you're getting to know the parent(s) of your son's friend.

For 4 year olds, it can be a bonus to have the parent of the other
child around, too, if the playdate isn't working out. It's tricky to
have a 4 yo as a host, which means that you'll be the host, yet you're
probably as much an unknown quantity to the friend as the friend's
father is to you.

Caledonia

  #9  
Old October 11th 05, 01:50 AM
P. Tierney
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Posts: n/a
Default playdates for 4yo


"Catherine Woodgold" wrote in message
...

"bizby40" ) writes:
I wouldn't have left my child with a family I didn't know at that age.
Kindergarten seems to make a world of difference. That said, you
can ask and the worst that can happen is that they'll say no.


That is not the worst that can happen. The worst that can
happen is that the dad comes over and gives toypup unwanted
attention.


the sound of my head exploding


P. Tierney


  #10  
Old October 11th 05, 01:57 AM
Ericka Kammerer
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Default playdates for 4yo

P. Tierney wrote:

the sound of my head exploding


Hang in there, P. ;-)

Best wishes,
Ericka
 




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