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playdates for 4yo



 
 
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  #11  
Old October 11th 05, 02:13 AM
bizby40
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Default playdates for 4yo


"toypup" wrote in message
. ..

So, is the common age for playdates with stranger's kid (met only in
passing, but kids know each other) here 5 yo? That's not very far away.
I'm not sure how comfy I'd be, but I'm sure that could change when I get
there.


Yes, around here it's after they start kindergarten. When my kids
were in kindergarten I always asked if the parent would rather
bring the kid over (to check out the place first), but I don't think
anyone ever took me up on it. Their child would ride the bus
home with my child, and the first time the parents would meet
me or see the house would be when they came to pick up after
the playdate.

DS has been wanting to call this friend. It's fine with me, if it's okay
with them. What do you all think of 4 yo's calling each other? It's
another one of those things where it wouldn't hurt to ask, but I like
testing the waters of public opinion first. Issues that I don't think
about sometimes pop up that way.


Unless you are sure that your 4 year old will speak loudly and
clearly enough to be understood, I'd make the call for him and
hand it off to him when his friend is on the phone. Alternatively,
you can have him do the talking with you there to prompt if
necessary. And practice ahead of time.

Bizby


  #12  
Old October 11th 05, 02:15 AM
bizby40
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Default playdates for 4yo


"dragonlady" wrote in message
...
I'm not sure there IS a "common age", as in one that is generally agreed
upon. I have known parents of children in 3rd or 4th grade who would
not allow their children at anyone else's house unless they were with
them.


Ack! Do these kids have many friends? I can't imagine too many
parents putting up with this at that age. I know I wouldn't!!!

Bizby


  #13  
Old October 11th 05, 02:20 AM
bizby40
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Default playdates for 4yo


"P. Tierney" wrote in message
news:x%D2f.474014$xm3.313769@attbi_s21...

"Catherine Woodgold" wrote in message
...

"bizby40" ) writes:
I wouldn't have left my child with a family I didn't know at that age.
Kindergarten seems to make a world of difference. That said, you
can ask and the worst that can happen is that they'll say no.


That is not the worst that can happen. The worst that can
happen is that the dad comes over and gives toypup unwanted
attention.


the sound of my head exploding


P. Tierney


lol -- yeah, every once in a while I get amazed at how some of
the women on this group are so afraid of men. This is a married
dad of a pre-schooler -- the chances of him trying to make time
with some mom on their kids' first playdate has got be
incredibly slim.

FWIW, I've never felt that way. I've had plenty of dad's drop
off and pick up. I've left my girl child at a SAH dad's place,
and though I've never spent the entire playdate at his house,
we do usually chat at the beginning or end of the playdate, and
the chat can go a half-hour sometimes.

Bizby


  #14  
Old October 11th 05, 02:33 AM
Tai
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Default playdates for 4yo

bizby40 wrote:
"P. Tierney" wrote in message
news:x%D2f.474014$xm3.313769@attbi_s21...

"Catherine Woodgold" wrote in message
...

"bizby40" ) writes:
I wouldn't have left my child with a family I didn't know at that
age. Kindergarten seems to make a world of difference. That said,
you can ask and the worst that can happen is that they'll say no.

That is not the worst that can happen. The worst that can
happen is that the dad comes over and gives toypup unwanted
attention.


the sound of my head exploding


P. Tierney


lol -- yeah, every once in a while I get amazed at how some of
the women on this group are so afraid of men. This is a married
dad of a pre-schooler -- the chances of him trying to make time
with some mom on their kids' first playdate has got be
incredibly slim.


It's only an issue of propriety for me and has nothing to do with fear.


FWIW, I've never felt that way. I've had plenty of dad's drop
off and pick up. I've left my girl child at a SAH dad's place,
and though I've never spent the entire playdate at his house,
we do usually chat at the beginning or end of the playdate, and
the chat can go a half-hour sometimes.


That's the norm for me, as well.

Tai


  #15  
Old October 11th 05, 02:57 AM
enigma
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Default playdates for 4yo

"Caledonia" wrote in
ups.com:


toypup wrote:
I wonder if most
parents of 4 yo these days drop off their kids on
playdates when they don't really know the other family?


When DD1 was 4 yo, the answer was no -- pretty much all
parents (or a parent) accompanied the child. (Some even had
a quiz sheet -- any firearms? dogs crated? etc.) When I
look at it from a 4 yo's perspective, it seems reasonable
to expect that the playdate child might feel weirded out
visiting another house alone also.


i know Boo wouldn't be comfortable visiting a friend
unaccompanied (he's 5).
i'd have to say i'd seriously reconsider inviting any kid
whose parents asked me if i had firearms (yes, i do. the gun
is in one place, the magazine is in another & the ammo is in a
third, all out of kid reach) & kept the dog crated (no!).
that's just too weird for me.
lee
  #16  
Old October 11th 05, 03:00 AM
toypup
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Posts: n/a
Default playdates for 4yo


"bizby40" wrote in message
...

"P. Tierney" wrote in message
news:x%D2f.474014$xm3.313769@attbi_s21...

"Catherine Woodgold" wrote in message
...

"bizby40" ) writes:
I wouldn't have left my child with a family I didn't know at that age.
Kindergarten seems to make a world of difference. That said, you
can ask and the worst that can happen is that they'll say no.

That is not the worst that can happen. The worst that can
happen is that the dad comes over and gives toypup unwanted
attention.


the sound of my head exploding


P. Tierney


lol -- yeah, every once in a while I get amazed at how some of
the women on this group are so afraid of men. This is a married
dad of a pre-schooler -- the chances of him trying to make time
with some mom on their kids' first playdate has got be
incredibly slim.


Yeah, I doubt this dad would make any moves. He seems like an incredibly
good dad from a distance. I'm just uncomfortable having a man I don't know
over who I have to make smalltalk with for however long the playdate is.
That's not a situation I've ever been in. It would be easier if my DH and
his wife were there. I've practiced those situations before.


  #17  
Old October 11th 05, 03:08 AM
Tai
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Default playdates for 4yo

enigma wrote:
"Caledonia" wrote in
ups.com:


toypup wrote:
I wonder if most
parents of 4 yo these days drop off their kids on
playdates when they don't really know the other family?


When DD1 was 4 yo, the answer was no -- pretty much all
parents (or a parent) accompanied the child. (Some even had
a quiz sheet -- any firearms? dogs crated? etc.) When I
look at it from a 4 yo's perspective, it seems reasonable
to expect that the playdate child might feel weirded out
visiting another house alone also.


i know Boo wouldn't be comfortable visiting a friend
unaccompanied (he's 5).
i'd have to say i'd seriously reconsider inviting any kid
whose parents asked me if i had firearms (yes, i do. the gun
is in one place, the magazine is in another & the ammo is in a
third, all out of kid reach) & kept the dog crated (no!).
that's just too weird for me.
lee


Unless it was a farming community most people wouldn't even think about
whether there were firearms in the house - not many people would have them
here in Australia.

Also, I don't understand the term "dog crated", what is that? You surely
don't mean it's to put the family dog in it's travelling box while there are
visiting children in the home?

Tai


  #18  
Old October 11th 05, 03:20 AM
Ericka Kammerer
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Default playdates for 4yo

toypup wrote:

Yeah, I doubt this dad would make any moves. He seems like an incredibly
good dad from a distance. I'm just uncomfortable having a man I don't know
over who I have to make smalltalk with for however long the playdate is.
That's not a situation I've ever been in.


However, given that it's not a situation you're
experienced with, is it possible that it might be no
more difficult to make small talk with him than it would
be with his wife? I've just never found it to be a
problem, except for a few communication-challenged
individuals (though those happen in either sex ;-)

Best wishes,
Ericka
  #19  
Old October 11th 05, 03:29 AM
Ericka Kammerer
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Default playdates for 4yo

enigma wrote:

i'd have to say i'd seriously reconsider inviting any kid
whose parents asked me if i had firearms (yes, i do. the gun
is in one place, the magazine is in another & the ammo is in a
third, all out of kid reach)


Why? Many organizations recommend asking, and
I know several people who ask not because they'd call
off the playdate if there were firearms, but only so
that they could follow up with verifying that they
were stored appropriately out of kids' reach. That
seems only responsible to me, especially in an area
where many people are gun owners (and the odds that
you just might hit an irresponsible one are thus
higher). Our babysitting co-op requires disclosure,
but again, only so that the chair can verify that
appropriate precautions are taken to keep children
safe. People also ask if pools are fenced, if a
parent will be home, if there are pets (if the child
is allergic or unusually afraid), and all sorts of
other things. I don't see why any of these would
be offensive, unless the parent thought that the
usually accepted safety precautions weren't
sufficient or started ranting about your choices
or lecturing you or something.

Best wishes,
Ericka
  #20  
Old October 11th 05, 03:32 AM
Ericka Kammerer
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Default playdates for 4yo

Tai wrote:

Also, I don't understand the term "dog crated", what is that? You surely
don't mean it's to put the family dog in it's travelling box while there are
visiting children in the home?


Yep, although people who crate their dogs in their
home typically have larger crates than the usual travel
carriers. In my experience, some dog lovers are fans
of crating and others aren't. It's not cruel, per se.
And yes, some people do crate their dogs (particularly
dogs who aren't yet well trained or who tend to get
stressed around unfamiliar people) when company is
around or when people are tromping in and out of the
house and creating a chance the dog might escape and
get hurt. Like anything, crating can be abused, but
it can also be a reasonable thing to do with some dogs
in some situations.

Best wishes,
Ericka
 




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