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playdates for 4yo



 
 
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  #21  
Old October 11th 05, 03:52 AM
Tai
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Default playdates for 4yo

Ericka Kammerer wrote:
Tai wrote:

Also, I don't understand the term "dog crated", what is that? You
surely don't mean it's to put the family dog in it's travelling box
while there are visiting children in the home?


Yep, although people who crate their dogs in their
home typically have larger crates than the usual travel
carriers. In my experience, some dog lovers are fans
of crating and others aren't. It's not cruel, per se.
And yes, some people do crate their dogs (particularly
dogs who aren't yet well trained or who tend to get
stressed around unfamiliar people) when company is
around or when people are tromping in and out of the
house and creating a chance the dog might escape and
get hurt. Like anything, crating can be abused, but
it can also be a reasonable thing to do with some dogs
in some situations.


Thanks, Ericka, I hadn't come across this custom before. I think show dogs
probably spend a fair amount of time in travelling boxes or the larger crate
you describe but I've never seen a dog put in one for the purposes you
describe here. A boisterous dog will usually be put outside in an enclosed
yard or in the laundry-room out of harms way. If he is the kind that likes
to tear up the garden he might be leashed to a long line so he can run about
in a contained manner.

I can't see crating being at all suitable for active or working dogs like
border collies, kelpies or retrievers.

(Now that I've learned about this I expect to come across references to dog
crating every day for the next week!)

Tai


  #22  
Old October 11th 05, 05:01 AM
Rosalie B.
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Default playdates for 4yo

Ericka Kammerer wrote:

Tai wrote:

Also, I don't understand the term "dog crated", what is that? You surely
don't mean it's to put the family dog in it's travelling box while there are
visiting children in the home?


Yep, although people who crate their dogs in their
home typically have larger crates than the usual travel
carriers. In my experience, some dog lovers are fans
of crating and others aren't. It's not cruel, per se.
And yes, some people do crate their dogs (particularly
dogs who aren't yet well trained or who tend to get
stressed around unfamiliar people) when company is
around or when people are tromping in and out of the
house and creating a chance the dog might escape and
get hurt. Like anything, crating can be abused, but
it can also be a reasonable thing to do with some dogs
in some situations.


My dd#3 was on the phone today and she always crates her dog (a boxer)
if she is out. That's because he gets very anxious if she is not
there, and they want to keep his drooling all in one place. If her dh
lets the dog out in the back yard (fenced with an 8 foot board fence)
when she's not home, he's over the fence in a flash.

Her ds said to her - mom why does the dog like you so much? All you
do is yell at him.

I suggested she use him for dog agility or something but she said she
would not trust him off a leash especially where there were other dogs
or people because it would completely blow his mind. She walks to
school with the dog and the 2 kids (about half a mile one way), but
she doesn't take him to school with her when she picks up her ds
because she's afraid the he'd scare the kids because he would go
berserk and want to greet them all (instead of waiting for them to
come to him) and he is a fairly big dog


grandma Rosalie
  #23  
Old October 11th 05, 05:03 AM
P. Tierney
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Default playdates for 4yo


"Ericka Kammerer" wrote in message
...
P. Tierney wrote:

the sound of my head exploding


Hang in there, P. ;-)


I'm keeping my chin up. ;-)


P. Tierney


  #24  
Old October 11th 05, 05:16 AM
P. Tierney
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Posts: n/a
Default playdates for 4yo


"bizby40" wrote in message
...

"P. Tierney" wrote in message
news:x%D2f.474014$xm3.313769@attbi_s21...

"Catherine Woodgold" wrote in message
...

"bizby40" ) writes:
I wouldn't have left my child with a family I didn't know at that age.
Kindergarten seems to make a world of difference. That said, you
can ask and the worst that can happen is that they'll say no.

That is not the worst that can happen. The worst that can
happen is that the dad comes over and gives toypup unwanted
attention.


the sound of my head exploding


P. Tierney


lol -- yeah, every once in a while I get amazed at how some of
the women on this group are so afraid of men. This is a married
dad of a pre-schooler -- the chances of him trying to make time
with some mom on their kids' first playdate has got be
incredibly slim.


Ya, and it also isn't the "worst thing" that can happen, by a male
or female parent. Not by a longshot. It doesn't take some imagination
to think of a few worse, and also slim things, that can happen. By either
gender, no less! Perspective.

FWIW, I've never felt that way. I've had plenty of dad's drop
off and pick up. I've left my girl child at a SAH dad's place,
and though I've never spent the entire playdate at his house,
we do usually chat at the beginning or end of the playdate, and
the chat can go a half-hour sometimes.


I didn't address the OP since, at age 3.5, my oldest has not
done a complete drop-off playdate at all, and certainly none
with a parent who is a stranger, or vice versa. I think it'll
be awhile, but who knows. Either way, were my child the
invited or the invitee, I'd take some small steps to get the
know the other side at least a little bit, so that all are likely
to be more comfortable.


P. Tierney


  #25  
Old October 11th 05, 05:42 AM
toypup
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Posts: n/a
Default playdates for 4yo


"Ericka Kammerer" wrote in message
. ..
toypup wrote:

Yeah, I doubt this dad would make any moves. He seems like an incredibly
good dad from a distance. I'm just uncomfortable having a man I don't
know over who I have to make smalltalk with for however long the playdate
is. That's not a situation I've ever been in.


However, given that it's not a situation you're
experienced with, is it possible that it might be no
more difficult to make small talk with him than it would
be with his wife? I've just never found it to be a
problem, except for a few communication-challenged
individuals (though those happen in either sex ;-)


Consider me communication-challenged. I can do it if we had met at a park
and were just making small-talk, but it's just uncomfortable for me in the
situation I describe. I don't know why, maybe just appearances, but I don't
tend to put myself in situations where I'm uncomfortable unless there's a
good enough reason.


  #26  
Old October 11th 05, 12:06 PM
Sue
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Posts: n/a
Default playdates for 4yo

"toypup" wrote in message
. ..
Until now, I've had playdates arranged with friends who have children or
people I meet in playgroups. Basically, I know the parents first. Now,

DS
is in preschool and he has this best friend who I'd like to have over for

a
playdate. I see his dad in passing but we don't make much conversation as
one of us is either coming or going. I did mention to him that we'd love

to
have his DS come over for a playdate one of these days. I wonder if most
parents of 4 yo these days drop off their kids on playdates when they

don't
really know the other family? I guess I could invite the dad (I never see
the mom), but I really want it to just be a playdate. That's all I have
energy for ATM, lol.


I was thinking about this last night trying to remember what we did when the
girls were that age. DD1 didn't have any real playdates when she was in
preschool. She rode the bus and I didn't know any parents at all. When DD2
was in preschool, I dropped her off and had more of a chance to know some of
the other moms. DD2 did end up befriending a girl that they did go to each
other's house without us parents. I knew the mom vaguely from just talking
with her before and after school. I deemed the mom a nice person and let DD2
go to her house. When DD3 went to preschool, it was at the school the older
girls attended, so I already knew a bunch of the moms. DD3 went on playdates
without me also. So, I guess I started playdates at 4 yrs without me, but I
feel like I knew the parents semi-well enough to let them go. I think there
were a few times the girls were invited and didn't let them go because I
didn't know the parents or I had heard they had some problems. I think you
should use your best judgement and go from there. And personally, if I
didn't know the parents well enough, I would not feel comfortable with
having them over with the kids. I don't recall ever having parents stay for
a playdate. However, I think that in the circles that I have and the girls
have, I ended up knowing everyone. Now, with DD1 in middle school, she often
goes to homes of friends that I have never met their parents. We have to let
go at some point.
--
Sue (mom to three girls)


  #27  
Old October 11th 05, 12:08 PM
enigma
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Posts: n/a
Default playdates for 4yo

"Tai" wrote in
:

enigma wrote:
"Caledonia" wrote in
ups.com:


toypup wrote:
I wonder if most
parents of 4 yo these days drop off their kids on
playdates when they don't really know the other family?

When DD1 was 4 yo, the answer was no -- pretty much all
parents (or a parent) accompanied the child. (Some even
had a quiz sheet -- any firearms? dogs crated? etc.) When
I look at it from a 4 yo's perspective, it seems
reasonable to expect that the playdate child might feel
weirded out visiting another house alone also.


i know Boo wouldn't be comfortable visiting a friend
unaccompanied (he's 5).
i'd have to say i'd seriously reconsider inviting any kid
whose parents asked me if i had firearms (yes, i do. the
gun is in one place, the magazine is in another & the ammo
is in a third, all out of kid reach) & kept the dog crated
(no!). that's just too weird for me.
lee


Unless it was a farming community most people wouldn't even
think about whether there were firearms in the house - not
many people would have them here in Australia.


i am in a formerly rural, rapidly heading for suburbia, area.
i do farm. that's *why* we have guns. i like my chooks much
more than the fox...

Also, I don't understand the term "dog crated", what is
that? You surely don't mean it's to put the family dog in
it's travelling box while there are visiting children in
the home?


a lot of dog owners in the US seem to keep thier dogs locked
up in crates when they aren't home, or at night, or whenever
having a dog inconviences them... rather than actually
bothering to train the dog.
i do have a crate (several in fact, since i keep looking for
one that seems comfy to *me* g). i only put the dog in it at
night (ok, at night he goes there on his own actually) or,
very rarely, if everyone is going to out of the house for most
of the day & it's really cold weather out. he can get into a
shed from his run, but it's unheated & too big for his body
heat to warm. apparently he gets tired amusing himself inside
after 4-5 hours & gets into things. also, in case of fire, the
volunteer fire department knows where his crate is in the
house, so should something happen while i'm out, they know
where he is if he's not outside (they also know where my
tortoise cages are & that they are to be put into a *warm*
vehicle).
but there's no way i'm going to lock up my dog just because
there's some little friend visiting.
lee


--
war is peace
freedom is slavery
ignorance is strength
1984-George Orwell
  #28  
Old October 11th 05, 12:15 PM
enigma
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default playdates for 4yo

Rosalie B. wrote in
:

Ericka Kammerer wrote:

Tai wrote:

Also, I don't understand the term "dog crated", what is
that? You surely don't mean it's to put the family dog in
it's travelling box while there are visiting children in
the home?


Yep, although people who crate their dogs in their
home typically have larger crates than the usual travel
carriers. In my experience, some dog lovers are fans
of crating and others aren't. It's not cruel, per se.
And yes, some people do crate their dogs (particularly
dogs who aren't yet well trained or who tend to get
stressed around unfamiliar people) when company is
around or when people are tromping in and out of the
house and creating a chance the dog might escape and
get hurt. Like anything, crating can be abused, but
it can also be a reasonable thing to do with some dogs
in some situations.


My dd#3 was on the phone today and she always crates her
dog (a boxer) if she is out. That's because he gets very
anxious if she is not there, and they want to keep his
drooling all in one place. If her dh lets the dog out in
the back yard (fenced with an 8 foot board fence) when
she's not home, he's over the fence in a flash.


red flag #1

Her ds said to her - mom why does the dog like you so much?
All you do is yell at him.


red flag #2

I suggested she use him for dog agility or something but
she said she would not trust him off a leash especially
where there were other dogs or people because it would
completely blow his mind. She walks to school with the dog
and the 2 kids (about half a mile one way), but she doesn't
take him to school with her when she picks up her ds
because she's afraid the he'd scare the kids because he
would go berserk and want to greet them all (instead of
waiting for them to come to him) and he is a fairly big dog


all that sounds to me like the dog *needs* obedience
training. i agree with you that the dog would probably love
agility work. the reason he's so "nervous" is likely too much
energy & too little exercise. boxers are very active dogs.
well-trained boxers are a joy. untrained ones can be
destructive & accidentally hurt kids/older people by jumping &
playing.
lee
--
war is peace
freedom is slavery
ignorance is strength
1984-George Orwell
  #29  
Old October 11th 05, 01:43 PM
Ericka Kammerer
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Posts: n/a
Default playdates for 4yo

Tai wrote:

Thanks, Ericka, I hadn't come across this custom before. I think show dogs
probably spend a fair amount of time in travelling boxes or the larger crate
you describe but I've never seen a dog put in one for the purposes you
describe here. A boisterous dog will usually be put outside in an enclosed
yard or in the laundry-room out of harms way. If he is the kind that likes
to tear up the garden he might be leashed to a long line so he can run about
in a contained manner.


Some people don't have good places to put a dog (most of
those would have smaller dogs). Also, for a crate trained dog,
the crate is kind of like a bed--a safe, nice spot for a rest--
so it's not like the dog is being punished, nor would it typically
be for a terribly long time.

Best wishes,
Ericka
  #30  
Old October 11th 05, 02:27 PM
Catherine Woodgold
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Posts: n/a
Default playdates for 4yo


"Tai" ) writes:
As for the phone calls, I think that would be sweet but you might want to
start off with a few rules first so they don't become phone addicts!


Having the kids phone each other could also be used as
a tactful way to get the phone number so you can talk
to the mother.

Consider also the possibility that the parents are busy
and would prefer to drop their kid off rather than come
over. Just a possibility. Or that they're even too
busy for that and would appreciate it if you bring their
kid home.
--
Cathy Woodgold
http://www.ncf.ca/~an588/par_home.html
We are all Iraqis now.
 




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